The Girdle Chronicles

thighfat-main_Full.jpgI don’t know why, but every time I visit my parents in Southampton, I immediately come to the conclusion that it’s time to suck it up and visit the nearest Weight Watchers center stat. Today’s incident du jour involved a stroll down Job’s lane and an unintentionally rude comment about my body shape by a tactless shop girl.
So let’s start with the stroll. If you have never visited the Hamptons and are packing on some extra pounds, this is your alert to stay far far away from Southampton. The reason my flabby friend is simple. The place has been infiltrated by long legged models, Italian tourists and wealthy socialites with perfect knees, pouty collagen injected lips, designer sun dresses, $1000 handbags and bazillion dollar sandals. Walking along the streets of Southampton used to be relaxing. Now it’s more like I’ve just stepped into a scene from the Real Housewives reality show.
Which leads me to the experience I’m sure I’ll one day forget when I’m residing at an assisted living facility in Boca. These days, we pretty much avoid most of the shops in the area since their prices have hit the stratosphere. Sorry Ms. Snooty Store Manager. I refuse to pay $300 for the same sequined top I saw in your store last season for $49 thank you very much. But there are a few shops with decent prices and so, when a gorgeous black and white flouncy dress caught my eye, I decided to give it a shot and step inside for a closer look see. After selecting three dresses in what I thought was my size (at least it’s my size at Ann Taylor), I slipped into the dressing room and then wrestled to get my body into the first outfit. At first, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t fit the dress over my thighs. And so, I decided instead to slip it over my head. Next, after I zipped it up and attempted to buckle a wide belt to complete the ensemble, I swung open the door to show my mom and then it happened.
“Oh, that dress doesn’t look good on you at all. It makes you look really hippy.”
Now who do you think uttered that phrase? Well, it wasn’t my mom. Nor was it a middle aged sales clerk because if it had been a woman who was 10 years older than me, she would have said, “Honey, you look lovely. Now let me show you some accessories that’ll accentuate your lovely neckline.” But to my chagrin, there was a twentysomething rail thin salesgirl on duty who pulled no punches.
Sure, I know my hips have expanded as of late – possibly because I spend way too much time sitting on the couch typing away on my computer then taking yoga, spinning and pilates classes, but isn’t there a salesgirl code of conduct or something? Are you supposed to tell your patrons when they look fat in a form fitting dress or just keep it to yourself? To make matters worse, she tried to shove another frock in my face that she thought would be perfect for my shape (Pear women of the universe unite). The only problem was, it was one size too small and it started cutting off the circulation in my jiggly arms.
And so, after trying on four dresses that pinched me around the triceps, clung to my hips and felt snug around my middle – where incidentally, I’ve actually never had a problem, I made a monumental decision. I will no longer shop at upscale boutiques featuring European fashions where sales girls shoot me telepathic messages to lay off the chardonnay and eat a few more carrot sticks. Instead, I’m going back to old faithful – Ann Taylor and Ann Taylor Loft – where I’m always a size six and the saleswomen tell me I look fabulous even if I’ve grown a little mushy around the middle. Let’s face it, flattery will get you my credit card. And brutal honesty, will send me racing for the door.
Some Great Weight Related Links of the Week
Why I am Now Cancelling my Gym Membership
Time Magazine – Why Exercise Won’t Make You Thin (thanks to Jennie at Baby Name Wizard for sending this one over to me via Twitter!)
Weight Loss Guru Janice Taylor’s Weight Loss Offerings
From losing weight with watermelon juice, to Seven Ways to Go from Stress to Refreshed, if you haven’t visited the Our Lady of Weight Loss site and signed up for her Kick in the Tush newsletter, then you don’t know what you’re missing!
Motivation du Jour from The Mojo Coach
Check out Debi Silber’s latest Beware of Limiting Labels Feature in our Community Pages.