Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
My boyfriend and his kid spent part of the weekend with me and my daughter. I fed them and pretty much cleaned up after them and when they left I didn’t even get a “thank you.” Should I say something?
Signed,
Over and Done
Dear Over and Done:
Been there and then tossed them, well, mostly just him. As a fellow single parent, I know how hard it is to be doing it all by yourself. I have been single since my daughter was fifteen months old and I can’t tell you the number of times I would wake up and silently ask her, “what is it you can do for yourself today that I no longer have to?”
People were always amazed how early in life she was able to buckle herself into her car seat, dress herself, make a delicious steak au poivre. I was proud of her and so so thankful. Doing it ALL is not easy and I took help any place I could get it.
Saying “thank you” and “please” seems to have gone the way of the beeper and the Farrah Fawcett hairdo with the same likelihood of returning, sadly. Whether or not you should say anything depends on a few other factors.
Did they thank you when you fed them? Did they ever assist in cleaning up after themselves? Did they at least offer? Did they ever put the word “please” in a sentence and I don’t mean as in, “Oh please, are you kidding me?” or “girlfriend, puh lease!”
There are also other things in play here that need to be taken into consideration, like how hot is he and what is the likelihood if you dump him, you’ll get laid again before the next eclipse?
To some people these are things that shouldn’t matter. To those people I ask:
1). What is the longest amount of time you’ve ever gone without getting any? and
2) How many coffee dates have you gone on where you wanted nothing more than to leave before you even ordered?
Exactly.
It’s a tough dating world out there. I live in Los Angeles, a city where women start having their mid life crisis at fifteen.
I, myself, am in my mid forties. I have an eight year old kid and parts of me have seen better days. I admit, when it comes to romance I tolerate way more than I should. Does that make me desperate? No, yes, no and yes. Life is not that simple. I know people who love their alone time, I do too, but there is “alone time” by choice and then there is “alone time” better whip out the jigsaw puzzle sister cause no one is comin a callin!
I have experienced way too much of the latter and if you don’t believe me, I have about ten 1000 “piecers” just sitting in my closet done and waiting to either be redone or donated, the last of which is a picture of the inside of a candy store. Yes, I said mid forties, why do you ask?
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
My boyfriend and I just broke up after eight months together. I told my daughter but need I also tell my ex husband?
Signed,
Yes, No or Maybe?
Dear Yes, No or Maybe:
I’ve been divorced over six years now and I prefer to keep my life very separate from of my ex husband’s to the point where I will go out of my way to not share any personal information with him.
As an example, the other day he asked me what time did it say on my cell phone. I turned around and asked him what time it said on his cell phone. He then told me he didn’t have his with him. I then asked him if there were any clocks close by or other people with a cell phone handy. He got angry and yelled, “fine, I’ll ask someone else!: then called me a f**ing lunatic and hung up the phone.
Okay, I’ll admit that perhaps I went a bit too far on that one but I recently went from getting laid a lot to barely at all to potentially never, ever again and I’m just not myself.
Your life is your life. Your ex’s life is his life. However, if you are anything like me, 1. You think everything should come covered in chocolate and 2. you don’t have much of a life so ultimately it makes things a lot easier when it comes to the “share” part. Nevertheless, the little that you do do, the people or persons, or in my case, dog, that you spend a majority of your time with are your business not his.
Another thing to consider is you might not have to tell your ex anything because you’ve got your seven year old daughter to do it for you…like it or not.
I am very careful what I say around her now, even in Spanish because as I mentioned in an earlier column, my daughter has now begun to study it in school and I’m too lazy to learn Mandarin.
One thing I will say is don’t ever ask your kid not to say anything about you to her father because the right after you tell her not to that will be exactly the thing she will feel compelled to do more than anything else in the world.
You can’t blame her. It’s human nature. Don’t’ believe me? Okay. Remember the last time you told yourself you were going to stop drinking? Exactly.
My ex has been with the same woman for many years now. If he were to come to me and ask me straight out, “Are you still dating so and so?”, I’d be adult about it and just tell him the truth, “no because he was kidnapped by pirates,” and then just leave it at that.
It’s up to you how to deal with this to be sure, but honestly really is the best policy…..when it serves you.
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
My boyfriend was supposed to meet me at my place for a romantic evening but instead he insisted he had to stand on line at the apple store to get his Ipad. I was insulted he said I had no reason to be?
Signed,
Me, You and an Ipad Too?
Dear Me, You and an Ipad Too,
Your boyfriend gave up sex so that he could go and pick up an Ipad 2 instead?
Well, from someone who has said many times she wants to be buried in the back seat of her Prius with one arm around her MAC laptop and the other on her treadmill, I have to say I kind of understand.
I’m not saying I’m always this compassionate and I’m not even saying it’s right but there are times when materials goods can provide one the same if not more satisfaction than anything with two legs, two arms and the ability to do more then making unintelligible noises.
I mean I’ve had boyfriends where if you asked me to pick between an evening with them or a free copy of Final Cut Pro well, free is free…..
Another example is I’ve got a guy friend of mine that has made it clear that should I ever find him in bed, dead, hugging his five iron, I should know he died happy. This is contrast to the fact that he has never once mentioned anything about dying happy while holding his wife’s hand or having his way with Giselle Bundchen and to me that says something; 1. That this guy’s five iron must be nothing short of amazing 2. Giselle Bundchen is totally overexposed and needs to tell her PR to take it down a notch and 3. “things” can provide a certain level of joy unmatched by even those closest to us.
What I think your boyfriend is guilty of more than anything is poor planning. Perhaps he could have called you earlier to say he was going to be at the store and would be running late or perhaps you could have met him at the checkout counter all decked out and he could’ve started to feel you up while sliding his debit card through that thing every store uses but for which I have no name.
Yes, I’ll agree, probably not the best idea and based on past experience, I’d probably end up paying for the Ipad and not getting “any” either.
Bottom line is you and he just need to communicate better. If need be, next time tell him, I want to have sex with you tonight. Do not Pass “go”, do not stop collect anything at the Apple Store, come right home because if you don’t, the next time you get in the mood, don’t be surprised if you turn around to kiss and find out I’m stopped on the way home to get myself a pedicure.
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking…
I met a man on a blind date. He was cute, charming, funny, and has a soft spot for animals (he has two cats). Then we got in the car and he turned on techno music. Is it wrong that something so simply is such a turnoff? I feel like I’m being too picky.
Signed,
Meow or Meh?
Dear Meow or Meh:
I’ll get to the techno music in a moment but first, can we talk about the two cat thingy please? As a gesture of good will towards all the men who post a profile on line and the women who have to endure the agony of reading them, I once posted a list of the “do’s” and “do not’s” with regard to what men should consider before posting and if I recall correctly #3 was:
“Do not put up a picture of yourself holding a cat. It’s good to know that you like animals but a majority of women have stated that as soon as they see a guy holding a calico, the first word that comes to mind is “pussy” as in “this guy is clearly a pussy” which quickly leads to the rolling of the eyes and the hitting of the delete button.”
Now I like cats as much as the next person. Okay, that is a lie, unless, of course, that “next” person does not like cats at all, then I am being as truthful as I can be. Nonetheless, when it comes to men and their Tabby’s, I often feel like my penis is bigger than theirs, which clearly doesn’t say much for the guy since I don’t have one….unless you count the strap on but that’s a whole other column right there.
As far as the techno, I don’t have a feeling about music either way. You see, for me, unless I get into the guy’s car and he turns on a CD of Gregorian Chants, which did in fact happen to me, I’m good to go.
You see, my taste in music is rooted in the 1970’s and 80’s and when I say rooted, I mean, never left, so I’m not one to talk when it comes to this particular topic. I know I’ve been judged for my song choices in the past to the point where now when I pull up to a red light, I do so with all my windows rolled up, lest I be judged as a freak, a loser, or in other words, for just being me.
My point overall is, every guy is going to have things that you like and dislike about him. The question is what can you tolerate? If having to listen to techno music, makes you inclined to wrap your hand around a giant steak and running in his direction as fast as you can, perhaps this isn’t the guy for you. Then again, if his choice of animal doesn’t give you the urge to check under which gender he is listed on his birth certificate, then maybe you have a match there.
Only you will know. Just follow your gut or in your case the smell of the cat litter.
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
My girlfriend is amazing except when it comes to her apartment She is a total slob and I honestly prefer that we spend time at my place because I just can’t stand being around such a huge mess. She says I’m compulsive, that I need to accept her as is and I say that it’s asking too much.
What say you?
Signed,
Is Dirty the New Clean?
Dear Is Dirty the New Clean:
I had a boyfriend like that once. I’d go over to his place because I was in the mood to have sex only to walk in the door and suddenly want nothing more than to steam clean his carpets, and I mean, NOTHING more. Every time, he’d end up convincing me to go and fool around with him by promising that as soon as we were done, I could line his kitchen drawers or Easy Off his oven.
Sadly, when cleaning his house became more of a turn on than he did, I knew it was time for me to go. I’m guessing right now his place is probably a mess although if you were to go there and take out a piece of cutlery, you would see the liner underneath is nothing short of magnificent, which is to say, a lovely blue and white striped pattern with little speckles of red scattered all around the edges.
Reading this, some might speculate that a person like this is compulsive but I would have to disagree. Just because I like my guest towels to look “new” and thus prefer that they not be used by any of my guests, ever or by any one that lives, anywhere….in the world, does not make me compulsive…in my eyes, or those of my cat…if I had one. Yes, I do have a dog but he sits out in the yard all day snacking on kitty turds so what the hell would he know about cleanliness?
If you are someone who can’t function unless all your magazines are lined up horizontally on your coffee table and the inside of your freezer has its own frozen food “sections,” then perhaps you need to lighten up a bit although that doesn’t mean your girlfriend is right in telling you that you should be okay with her living like a slob.
It is important to accept others for who they are but when that includes feeling a need to wear flip flops inside their shower for health purposes, well, I think some changes do need to be made and from the sound of it, I would recommend you start with your girlfriend’s sheets. Sorry, couldn’t help myself.
They say opposites attract, I personally do not agree, just ask my ex-husband. Okay, perhaps there are some that do, you know like, he likes to earn, she likes to spend, he prefers to sit on the couch all day, she gets her joy from waiting on him hand and foot, he likes his stomach being “poofy,” she prefers not running into it especially when she’s standing 5 feet away from him.
Generally, though, I’d say, you two are going to need to come to some kind of compromise or else this relationship will not stand the test of time or even three loads of laundry.
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
It has been a long time since I’ve had sex. I recently met a guy that I’m definitely attracted to physically, but that is all. Is it okay to sleep with him but not actually date him?
Signed:
One Night Only is All I Have to Give
Dear One Night Only:
Yes. That’s it, just “yes.” This might be the shortest answer I have ever written for a question but there really isn’t much else to say. Believe me. I’ve been through those droughts and they are not pretty. I’ve had friends recommend various forms of self – stimulation, many of which I tried but eventually gave up on because 1. They will never hug you, ever, no matter how many times you ask and 2) when I inquired as to whether or not they loved me, all I got was the silent treatment.
Which leads me to say:
FYI to all the women out there “getting some,” when your friend is not getting any, hasn’t gotten any and it looks like she may never ever get any again. Please do not suggest she buy herself a vibrator because…
1. Trust me when I say that is the most un-original idea you could possibly think of and
2. Chances are she has one and it’s not her first nor even her fourth so if you really want to help her out, for God’s sake, the least you can do is buy her 5 flats of “C” sized batteries because with friends like you, it looks like she’s going to need them.
As usual, I would be remiss not to warn you to make sure he puts a glove on it. Now he might fight you on this and say he doesn’t need it but remind him that he’s not about to screw a pillow, you’re a human being and you have every right to protect yourself. If he persists, whip out a copy of my daughter’s tuition bill (which I’d be happy to send you) as well as all the costs associated with keeping her fed, clothed and entertained and if he still refuses, then grab your vibrator out of your drawer and tell him, “he’d wear one if I asked him to and he comes in purple, blue and if I wanted, all kinds of glittery.”
Believe me, the guy will leave so fast it will make your head spin. Unfortunately, it will most likely be because he thinks you’re a freak but who cares.
You need to take care of you, so you have to wait another day, so what? Sure, I know what it feels like to be so horny that shaking a man’s hand can becomes your version of foreplay, but you need to hang in there.
However, when you do find the right guy, go for it. You might want to let him in on it. Fair is fair. I mean men have a feeling too you know. Otherwise, go for it. Have a great time. Mazel Tov, enjoy, oh and Happy Passover.
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
My boyfriend has a favorite sexual position that is not abnormal per se, but not typical. I don’t like it because it requires a bit of flexibility (I’m 38) and I have to do most of the work. I want to please him but every time we are in bed together lately, that’s the position he wants to be in. What do I do?
Signed:
Ouch, I think I pulled something
Dear Ouch I Think I Pulled Something:
Well, let’s give your boyfriend some points for his imagination, no? There is nothing like changing things up and a riding crop to keep a relationship healthy….uh, so I’ve heard.
Over and over again, I hear my friends complain how boring their bedroom time is because it’s just the same old, same old. I once dated a guy who was very into spicing things up. It was great, until his motivation died out and then, so did we.
Sorry, but, I wouldn’t eat chicken for dinner every night so why the hell would I want to “do it” the same way time after time? Perhaps I could if we were cast in the show, “So you think you can have sex.” Then I get the point of wanting to repeat the same routine. Certainly, I wouldn’t want to slip up in front of a live audience and panel of professionals with credits such as “Dina Does All of Downtown” or “Bob & Mary Get Licked.” Never mind how much I’d hate to lose because just when I was supposed lick his perineum he has me on all fours. I’m so competitive I’d never be able to look at a dog again and not wonder what could have become of my life had my partner just spread his legs and let me do my thing.
Of course it’s important for you to be comfortable but that is a slippery slope. You know how when you first meet a guy, you take the time to actually shave AND put on deodorant and then as the days go by you think he’s lucky that you’re still wearing your “good” sweatpants? Well, that happens in the sack as well. One minute it’s all about what makes the other person feel good and the next thing you know, you’re pissed because he’s still banging away five minutes into the premiere of “CSI” and he’s unhappy because in his mind, he’s now dating a corpse.
Perhaps you and your boyfriend could compromise. Maybe you can find a position where neither of you wakes up the next morning wondering if one of your limbs is still attached to your body as well as the need to rekindle your relationship with your physical therapist.
Another idea would be for you both to sign up for a yoga class or from your description perhaps, one that includes techniques practiced by every member of Cirque De Soliel. This way you are both happy and unhurt and who knows maybe you’ll learn about new positions that neither of you thought were humanly possible.
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
iStock_000012925728XSmall.jpgI have my first date since I ended my last relationship of 6 years. I met my date online and I’m worried what do I do if I’m not attracted to him and how will I know if he’s not attracted to me?
Signed,
Maybe I Should Just Stay Home
Dear Maybe I Should Just Stay Home:
When I first started dating, I actually took all the pictures these men posted at face value, literally.
There I would be expecting that what I was about to see live was a man who looked a lot like Bradley Cooper only to find out that the only thing my date had in common with him was they both had teeth, two legs and required oxygen to remain standing.
I remember the feeling of my heart dropping down to my feet from the utter disappointment of knowing that 1) there was no way I was getting laid that night and 2) I was stuck spending at least the next half hour of my life talking to this man when I could have been home counting how many Cheerios come in one box.
Problem was, I kept at it. Every date was like playing the lottery. I’d show up, my heart pounding, wondering if this would be the night when I’d end up with Darth Vader or Dylan McDermott.
Finally, after way too many months, I told myself, “That’s it. I’ve had it’. From that point on, if I went on a date with a guy that was so unattractive it would have been easier on my eyes to just stare directly into the sun, I would let him know within in the first ten minutes of our date that this would be our last evening together.
I was nice but I was firm. I would insist we meet for coffee and then I would literally tell the guy, “Listen, I think you’re very nice but the chemistry is just not there for me”. Which, I’m happy to say, would be quickly followed by him asking the waitress for the check.
Now, to address your other question. How will you know if he is not attracted to you?
Sadly, I can answer this one as well. At the end of the date he will either shake your hand or give you a quick hug, you know like the kind you would expect from say your seven year old.
Thankfully, most men rarely say, “I’ll call you” anymore, which I personally prefer. Instead, they tend to say things like, “Well good luck with your ___________” which will then be followed by this hellishly awkward moment where they are supposed to offer to walk you to your car but don’t. I admit, however, that might happen because I live in Los Angeles, where walking is something we know we CAN do but work very hard not to.
Finally, some will actually do what I do and just come out and tell you honestly that they are just not that into you. It doesn’t feel great but dating is not a one way street. What is good for Ms. Goosey has to also be good for Mr. Gander.
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Thumbnail image for vajazzle.jpgDear Single Mom Walking:
I vajazzled my vagina the other day. My friend was appalled. She said she thought men should just accept the vagina as it is, that women should not go out of their way to do anything about it just to keep men happy. I think she’s wrong.
Signed,
Maybe I Need New Friends
Dear Maybe I Need New Friends:
I’m very glad you wrote to me about this. You see, I’ve been wondering exactly what goes into vajazzling one’s vagina. “Why?’, you ask? Well, 1) because I clearly need to get a life and 2) because I’m not a crafty and to me, when I HAVE thought about it, the only thought that came to my mind was:
My vagina + one bottle of glue + a bag full of jewels =’s one giant gynecologic disaster.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing more I want in life than to have my nether regions glitter like a ball of sunshine, really, nothing more. Not my kid getting into Harvard, the ability to pay my mortgage on time or even winning the battle against my new middle age spread, nothing.
That being said, one has to be realistic about one’s limitations. Also, one need also consider that she doesn’t HAVE to date a man who prefers that when the woman he is dating spread her legs, she light up like the Empire State Building. It’s a choice.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to “dress up” for your man. If you are both into that, then go for it. However, if you feel sexy in your chinos and clogs but the guy in your life, thinks the pants make it seem like your ass has gone AWOL and your shoes would be better with a back and some heels attached, well then, it’s time to move on.
Then again, you could always compromise. I went to the vajazzle.com site and found that you are not limited to just dazzling up your sexual organs. You can put those puppies on your chest, your hip, right above your ass crack. I know, can life get any better? Believe or not, it can! I also read that no man is precluded from pasting a few of those beauties on and around his ball region so now both of you can suffer and shine together! Hello?! Did I just make your day or what?
Although, truth be told, I’m not sure how into a man I would be if when the time came for him to drop his Jockeys he had a rhinestones stuck to his genitals. I don’t care if they were in the shape of an arrow, a barbell or a bottle of Old Spice, More than likely my response would be me zipping up my pants while simultaneously running out the door yelling, “Gotta go! I think I left my oven on!”
Hopefully, I’ll never have to know.
Thumbnail image for jessica bern 724 (1)-thumb-200x300-2685 (1).jpgJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Single Mom Walking

EXCITING A MAN CAN BE DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH
iStock_000015069527XSmall.jpgDear Single Mom Walking:
My boyfriend wants me to do a lap dance for him and he even said he’d buy me a pole. He says it’s a huge turn on for him. I want to please him but is it worth the shame and the pain?
Signed,
There Has To Be Another Way
Dear There Has To Be Another Way:
Well, first let me ask you is this a paying gig? If so, is he aware that the dollar bill has gone by the wayside along with affordable housing and a 5% unemployment rate?
Seriously, for the level of humiliation I would endure trying to gyrate my hips around a pole while simultaneously trying to hide my c-section scar and the fact that when I DO gyrate my hips I look like I’m having a grand mal seizure, I think tipping me in the form of a $50.00 bill, no, make that billS, would be a more of an even exchange.
Never mind the damage to my floors from the pole itself. Turns out you would need to get one that is bolted to the floor and ceiling as I read about some chick who tried to do it the cheapy way and ended up breaking her collarbone when the thing came toppling down while she was mid-slide.
In an article I read on the topic, it was recommended that should you not want to spend the cash and go with the Ikea version, it would be wise for you to put down gym mats all around the pole just in case. Too bad Ms. “honey, I think you better call an ambulance!” didn’t do a little more research on the topic huh? I’m pretty sure she would have benefited from that little bitty piece of advice.
On top of all that, I would take into consideration how long you’ve been in your relationship. Has he seen you without make-up? Helped you while you vomited your guts out? Do you at least pee in front of him or feel comfortable enough to let one rip in his presence?
If you answered yes to any or all of these questions and he is still sticking around, chances are he won’t notice when you pass out from the pain because the last time you wore heels that high was NEVER.
I also found out there are DVD’s available to teach you how to not only pole dance, but do a strip tease as well. I would only venture to purchase them if they also came with another DVD showing how I can stop myself from laughing my ass off while making an attempt to do either or, God forbid, what to do in case I actually think I’m getting good at it but when I do it in front of my boyfriend HE can’t stop from laughing HIS ass off.
It’s a tough call here. On the one hand, spicing up a relationship is always a good thing, however, you need to decide how far you’re willing to go to make that happen.
Your choice, good luck.
Check out Jessica’s take on Valentine’s Day in the current issue of Project You Magazine…

jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.