If it Was Easy They’d Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon

jenna_mccarthy_if_it_was_easy.jpgThe hilarious author, Jenna McCarthy, has a new book coming out on October 4th called, If it Was Easy They’d Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon: Living with and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-So-Handy Man You Married (Berkley Books). Jenna is an internationally published writer who’s past books include The Parent Trip: From High Heels and Parties to Highchairs and Potties and Cheers to the New Mom/Cheers to the New Dad , as well as the upcoming companion books Big Rigs for Moms and Tea Parties for Dads. Over the past twenty years her work has appeared in more than fifty magazines, on dozens of websites and in several anthologies including the popular Chicken Soup series. Make sure to watch her appearance on The Today Show, Monday, October 3rd!
Here is just a sampling of her hysterically funny writing and make sure to watch the video of the book trailer, you will laugh out loud.

7 Steps to a Happy Marriage

by Jenna McCarthy
I have a remarkably happy marriage, and people ask me all the time how I got so lucky. (Not as often as they ask me about autism, vaccines and Jim Carrey, so let’s get something straight before we go any further: Not. Her.) I used to wonder if it had something to do with pheromones or having relatively low expectations, but after eleven years of wedded bliss I am pretty sure the key is some combination of kindness, respect and my ability to read a road map upside down divided by my husband’s skill at tuning out my nagging.
Okay, fine. We got lucky.
Busloads of studies have attempted to figure out why roughly every other marriage fails miserably. Turns out, the success stories share a few similarities beyond the obvious stuff like “they don’t have sex with other people”. Here, then, are seven scientifically proven* steps to marital ecstasy.
1. Be thinner and better looking than your husband. I have no idea why this works to create nuptial delight but I’m guessing it’s because if you’re fat and ugly you probably never want to have sex, which makes him grumpy and mean because sex was the one and only reason he got married in the first place. (Well, that and pie. Think about it: Most guys will never bake a pie in their lifetimes and from what I’ve seen, they really like pie.) Of course, I don’t know many women who are dying to have sex with fat, ugly men, so this one remains a bit of a mystery.
2. Make sure he does more chores than you do (well, duh) and try to talk less than he does. I have to admit, if you asked my husband the top three things I could do to make him happier, “shut the hell up for five lousy minutes” would probably be on the list. (But not at the tippy-top. Ahem.)
3. Don’t watch a lot of chick flicks. Seems that after sitting through Gnomio and Juliet (or any other rom-com) relationship dissatisfaction tends to skyrocket. Apparently this is because maybe it could happen to you but you realize that it hasn’t and it probably won’t and that fat bastard never sprinkled rose petals on your bed, dammit. At least you’re thinner and better looking than he is.
4. Don’t win a best-actress Oscar. I included this one because unlike getting hotter or having your jaw wired shut, it’s actually pretty painless and doable. Personally, I am going to make this a priority in my marriage.
5. Limit your booze consumption (both of you). No comment.
6. Become or urge your partner to become a farmer, nuclear engineer or optometrist. Evidently every career choice has its own unique divorce-risk profile, with these three being on the lowest end. Dancers and choreographers are pretty much screwed. You can’t make this stuff up.
7. Prefer having the car windows down. I haven’t technically seen a study on this, but do you not fight about this every single time you ride in a vehicle together? And doesn’t he get all pissed when you want them up and accuse you of being more concerned about your hair than his precious need for non-recirculated air? If anyone bothered to study this, I’m confident the results would back me up.
So there you have it. I do not suggest trying to master all seven steps at once. For instance, if you stop doing housework altogether (to try to tilt his portion of the ratio toward more), you’ll have a lot of extra time on your hands which you may want to spend drinking alcohol. Remember, there’s no rush here. Till death do us part is a really long time**.
*I may have bastardized the language a bit in some cases but the facts are mostly accurate.
**I stole that line from If It Was Easy They’d Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon: Living with and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-So-Handy Man You Married, which I wrote (and please note that it says the blah-blah-blah man you married, not the one I married. My husband likes it when I point that out). You can find out more about me, my books and how I survived tanorexia on my website.

Best of Role Mommy Radio

rmradiobutton-2.gif If you don’t have time to read but can download some great content for your iPod, then do we have just the thing for you! This week on Role Mommy Radio, we’ve got a treasure trove of great shows for your listening pleasure.
So if you’re relaxing at the beach or hitting the gym, we’re hear to provide you with hours of great material from Wii Mommies, to Traveling Mom, who has a great interview with best selling author Lee Woodruff this week, to Social Media Rap, to a Dose of Dr. Gwenn, Mom Dot, Bargain Briana, Jenna McCarthy and of course, Role Mommy and Friends with author Stacy Kannenberg (Get Ready for Kindergarten) and Role Mommy on the Run with Traveling Mom and outspoken author Terry Martin Hekker (Disregard First Book). Below are the links to all the shows of the week, so get ready to be inspired, informed and entertained!

Jenna McCarthy on Role Mommy Radio

Our most recent Role Mommy on the Run radio show featured best selling author, magazine writer and soon to be Role Mommy Radio host Jenna McCarthy! Jenna is the author of The Parent Trip and as you will soon find out, she is great on the air too! She should be – she was part of a #1 morning show team in Santa Barbara just a few years back but gave up the gig once she became a mom. Now she’ll be able to do her show in her bathrobe and everyone can enjoy her shows whenever they want! We’ll be in touch soon when her first show debuts but in the meantime, listen in and laugh as she takes a turn as co-host of Role Mommy on the Run.