Dear Single Mom Walking:
My girlfriend wants me to tell her I love her all the time. I do love her. but I’m the type of guy who prefers to express my love through my actions. What should I do?
I’m a show her, not a tell her
Dear I’m a show her, not a tell her:
Well, that depends. What kind of “actions’ are you referring to exactly?
Does she wake up in the morning to a clean kitchen, a walked dog and say, a brand new wardrobe?
Or are we talking more along the lines of the joy of her opening her eyes to find you naked with a woody and a “willingness” to have sex with her?
I ask because there are men out there who say that making love to their girlfriend is their way of showing they love her which is fine, but there is a big difference between doing something that is a benefit to just her and doing something that would be a benefit to both of you or let’s face it, at times, only you.
I once had a boyfriend who had a very hard time telling me he loved me. Unfortunately for me, it turned out it was because he actually didn’t and was just in it for the benefits and I’m not talking along the lines of a pension plan.
Problem is, I’m not alone here on this one. Many women have encountered at least one guy in their life who felt that sex was the best way to express his love for her …as well as all the other women he was simultaneously dating, so you can understand why your girlfriend would prefer that you actually say the words and not just “show” them.
Not only that, but actions can often go a lot farther than words ever do. I once got into an argument with a boyfriend over something that he found trivial and yet I felt said a lot about how he felt about me. I can’t remember exactly what had happened, but suffice it to say, I was right and he was wrong, as usual.
Now that might sound a bit arrogant but trust me, it’s the truth and you’re more than free to find the man and ask him yourself. Unfortunately, last I heard, John is no longer with us. Apparently, he ended up becoming a Warlock and I’m not sure exactly what went down, but I do know it happened on Halloween and involved several bags of Hershey’s Kisses and a hit on the head from a very,very heavy plastic pumpkin.
But I digress.
The point is, John and I get into this argument and instead of just saying he was sorry and that he really did love me, he took me out to dinner that night and allowed me to spend the entire meal picking off his plate, which in my world was a greater indication of his love for me than if he’d actually told me so.
As always, the best idea is to compromise, meet somewhere in the middle. You make a point of actually saying the words “I love you” ideally before you’ve done something that makes her believe there is no way you could possibly mean it and she makes a point of understanding that when you do the things you do, you’re doing them out of love, not fear of what she will do to you if you don’t.
Single Mom Walking
Jessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.
Dear Single Mom Walking: