Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
I think my boyfriend has been sleeping with his ex wife. They have two kids together, I have no kids, no ex. I asked him if he was. He said no but I’m not sure I believe him. I love him so much.
Signed,
Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?
Dear Should I Stay or Should I Go Now:
I would sooner sleep with this homeless guy I saw walking down the street yesterday, his pants half way to his knees, spitting and yelling, “I’m available!” then sleep with my ex, or dine with him or even wish him a long life.
Love is so so complicated. It’s easy for me to say, “well then you have no choice but to break up with him.” But coming from me, it would be beyond hypocritical. I’ve been in love once and it took me 11 “leavings” before I really actually took off. My friends couldn’t keep up. I once called one of them crying and she said, “I’m so happy for you!” even though it was to tell her that I was leaving him. It’s amazing, once someone gets inside your heart how difficult it is to untangle yourself.
However, love does not conquer all. Dating a person with kids requires infinite patience, a copy of the custody schedule in every room and being okay with the fact schools, strep throat, lice, the dentist, the pediatrician, his clients, the airlines could care less what nights little Molly is supposed to spend with which parent.
Then there is the ex, in your case it’s a wife. I’ve never heard of a clause in any marital agreement where it says that “should respondent or petitioner come to the realization that divorce blows all the way around, both spouses must reunite immediately,” so at least there is that…which is doing nothing to help you feel better is it?
I’m sorry. Okay, let me ask you this, has your boyfriend ever lied to you before? Has he ever made any comments that would lead you to believe that he has feelings for her? Would you like a chocolate biscotti? (Sorry, I just got back from lunch and I just can’t get it off my mind, clearly).
I would wait it out and see what happens. Love doesn’t come around everyday that is for sure. In my case it took forty-five years. I only pray, I don’t have to wait that long for the next one. Now that is not to say I won’t continue to hold “auditions,” but I still hope that very soon, I will find that one person who nails the part (the “part” being me) and sticks around at least until he loses his right to drive.
Now, if you just have to know for sure one way or the other, you could hire a private detective or stake out his house for a few nights and if he goes out follow him and see where he ends up. However, if it’s gotten to that point in your relationship, I’d say move on and use all that energy to go to Trader Joes and get those chocolate biscottis! I’m telling you, they rock and they will never sleep with anyone.
Good luck
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
My boyfriend and his kid spent part of the weekend with me and my daughter. I fed them and pretty much cleaned up after them and when they left I didn’t even get a “thank you.” Should I say something?
Signed,
Over and Done
Dear Over and Done:
Been there and then tossed them, well, mostly just him. As a fellow single parent, I know how hard it is to be doing it all by yourself. I have been single since my daughter was fifteen months old and I can’t tell you the number of times I would wake up and silently ask her, “what is it you can do for yourself today that I no longer have to?”
People were always amazed how early in life she was able to buckle herself into her car seat, dress herself, make a delicious steak au poivre. I was proud of her and so so thankful. Doing it ALL is not easy and I took help any place I could get it.
Saying “thank you” and “please” seems to have gone the way of the beeper and the Farrah Fawcett hairdo with the same likelihood of returning, sadly. Whether or not you should say anything depends on a few other factors.
Did they thank you when you fed them? Did they ever assist in cleaning up after themselves? Did they at least offer? Did they ever put the word “please” in a sentence and I don’t mean as in, “Oh please, are you kidding me?” or “girlfriend, puh lease!”
There are also other things in play here that need to be taken into consideration, like how hot is he and what is the likelihood if you dump him, you’ll get laid again before the next eclipse?
To some people these are things that shouldn’t matter. To those people I ask:
1). What is the longest amount of time you’ve ever gone without getting any? and
2) How many coffee dates have you gone on where you wanted nothing more than to leave before you even ordered?
Exactly.
It’s a tough dating world out there. I live in Los Angeles, a city where women start having their mid life crisis at fifteen.
I, myself, am in my mid forties. I have an eight year old kid and parts of me have seen better days. I admit, when it comes to romance I tolerate way more than I should. Does that make me desperate? No, yes, no and yes. Life is not that simple. I know people who love their alone time, I do too, but there is “alone time” by choice and then there is “alone time” better whip out the jigsaw puzzle sister cause no one is comin a callin!
I have experienced way too much of the latter and if you don’t believe me, I have about ten 1000 “piecers” just sitting in my closet done and waiting to either be redone or donated, the last of which is a picture of the inside of a candy store. Yes, I said mid forties, why do you ask?
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
My boyfriend and I just broke up after eight months together. I told my daughter but need I also tell my ex husband?
Signed,
Yes, No or Maybe?
Dear Yes, No or Maybe:
I’ve been divorced over six years now and I prefer to keep my life very separate from of my ex husband’s to the point where I will go out of my way to not share any personal information with him.
As an example, the other day he asked me what time did it say on my cell phone. I turned around and asked him what time it said on his cell phone. He then told me he didn’t have his with him. I then asked him if there were any clocks close by or other people with a cell phone handy. He got angry and yelled, “fine, I’ll ask someone else!: then called me a f**ing lunatic and hung up the phone.
Okay, I’ll admit that perhaps I went a bit too far on that one but I recently went from getting laid a lot to barely at all to potentially never, ever again and I’m just not myself.
Your life is your life. Your ex’s life is his life. However, if you are anything like me, 1. You think everything should come covered in chocolate and 2. you don’t have much of a life so ultimately it makes things a lot easier when it comes to the “share” part. Nevertheless, the little that you do do, the people or persons, or in my case, dog, that you spend a majority of your time with are your business not his.
Another thing to consider is you might not have to tell your ex anything because you’ve got your seven year old daughter to do it for you…like it or not.
I am very careful what I say around her now, even in Spanish because as I mentioned in an earlier column, my daughter has now begun to study it in school and I’m too lazy to learn Mandarin.
One thing I will say is don’t ever ask your kid not to say anything about you to her father because the right after you tell her not to that will be exactly the thing she will feel compelled to do more than anything else in the world.
You can’t blame her. It’s human nature. Don’t’ believe me? Okay. Remember the last time you told yourself you were going to stop drinking? Exactly.
My ex has been with the same woman for many years now. If he were to come to me and ask me straight out, “Are you still dating so and so?”, I’d be adult about it and just tell him the truth, “no because he was kidnapped by pirates,” and then just leave it at that.
It’s up to you how to deal with this to be sure, but honestly really is the best policy…..when it serves you.
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a couple of months. The other day he asked me to babysit for his three year old twins because his regular sitter cancelled at the last second. I’m unemployed at the moment and I think he should have paid me because he was planning on paying someone anyway. He says his love for me is payment.
What say you?
Signed:
At a Total Loss
Dear At a Total Loss:
I tried that whole “you were going to have to pay somebody anyway” reasoning on my ex husband and got absolutely nowhere but that is because all I did was birth his child, pay for the entire divorce, (his part and mine) and give him several thousand dollars as a “going away” present so who am I to ask?
You’ve got an interesting point here. After all, you are jobless and yes, he was going to pay someone anyway but then again, he does love you. Unfortunately, love doesn’t pay your cell phone bill and I’m pretty sure the local gas company could give a crap what he thinks about you. You could try it his way and see if by getting him to admit he is absolutely crazy, wild, unbelievably head over heels for you, your cable company will also toss in HBO and Showtime. I mean after all, it’s not like everyday they walk into work and hear such proclamations of love and judging from the customer service, I’m going to guess they never hear at home either.
I must also tip my hat to you for being willing to baby-sit three year old twins. I’m guessing you’ve never had kids of your own or you’ve never spent time in the company of twins or three year olds or any one under the age of five, for more than a couple of seconds. Otherwise, I’m going to have to guess that you are really hurting for cash, or you actually have a true affinity for spending your days shouting things like, “hey, no hitting!”, “who needs to go pee pee?!” or if the kid is being raised in Los Angeles, “yes, mine are real.”
I’m going to also guess that you are so tired of being hounded by creditors that you believe working with people who are completely unwilling to compromise, will never give you a straight answer and constantly cry over spilt milk, literally, is worth the money.
That being said, the going rate for babysitters in Los Angeles is on par if not better than what most temporary employees earn, especially if they work in the entertainment industry.
Seems wrong to me since there are many people in positions of power in Hollywood who are much more difficult to work with than a pre schooler. If you don’t believe me, then answer me this, when was the last time a four year old threw his size 12 penny loafer in the direction of your forehead while screaming, “Get the f**k out of my office!”?
I rest my case.
Lastly, you could always tell your boyfriend “no.” Last I checked, that was a viable answer, one I wished I’d optioned to use right after the guy asked me, “do you take this man….”
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
Father’s Day is this weekend. Should I buy my boyfriend a gift or do I just leave it up to his ex wife to do it?
Whose Job Is It Anyway?
Dear Whose Job Is It Anyway?:
Leave it to the ex wife. Are you kidding? I’ll guarantee you she’s been all over that from the moment she received his gift of air on Mother’s Day.
What to do on Mother’s Day and Father’s day is awkward when it comes to divorced couples to be sure. In the early years, post divorce, my ex would give me whatever Mother’s day “gift” my kid had made in pre school. I, in turn, would give him the time of day, which I thought was a pretty fair exchange considering he had left me for another woman. Granted it was his mother, although in some ways it was worse, because for starters, I am a way better dresser although when it comes to needle pointing designs like kittens in a basket, I don’t hold a candle to her.
However, times have changed and I no longer have to decide if it’s worth doing 25-life just to avoid having to see him even one more time. We get along quite well now and this Mother’s day he sent me flowers.
My seven year old daughter informed me at the time that I would be receiving them on a Saturday because, “Daddy didn’t think it was worth the extra money to have them send them to you on Sunday.” Although I was caught a bit off guard, I wasn’t surprised. In the end, the flowers were very nice and I even got a small box of chocolates included in the deal.
When I showed them to my daughter she told me that “Daddy didn’t buy those for you. The man asked him and daddy told him “no, the flowers were already too much money.” She then went on to suggest that perhaps the man at the flower store felt sorry for me and that is why he put the chocolate in there anyway.
I asked my kid what the man looked like, thinking if he sounded hot, we could go over to his flower shop and thank him in person for giving me the candy. Unfortunately, she told me he, “looks just like daddy only he had a long beard and he was wearing these funny bright green sandals.”
Well, maybe next year.
This year, I will, of course, return the gesture and purchase something for my ex husband, albeit, I have no clue what that will be as it was hard enough when I actually cared about the guy.
At the end of the day, it’s your choice. Perhaps you can talk to his ex wife about it and you two can get him something together and then you can go and catch rainbows in a jar and spend the afternoon petting unicorns as well as other realistic pursuits.
Anyway, good luck!

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
My name is Lisa. I’m writing because my boyfriend’s ex wife wants him back. I’m a little freaked out because, I mean, she is the mother of their kid. Should I stick around?
Signed,
Lisa Has A Problem
Dear Lisa Has A Problem:
If the fact that she is the mother of your boyfriend’s child is the only reason you are afraid he might break up with you, rest assured. I could fill a line of divorced men from Los Angeles to New York City who will tell you “so what, she’s the mother of my kids…she’s still a total bitch.”
When a man has a child, he usually has to communicate with the mother if he’s going to have any relationship with his children. Otherwise, most couples tend to go their own way, hers to a therapist, his to the bed of the girlfriend he hooked up with seven seconds after splitting up because he realized that when his ex moved out she not only took her part of their assets, but kept her vagina with her as well.
That being said, if you do find your boyfriend spending inordinate amounts of time texting or talking to his ex-wife then you might have a reason to be worried. I use the word “might” because when it comes to divorced people, they could pass a hundred and fifty text messages between them for the sole reason that they cannot agree on what brand of sunscreen the child needs, or because one is determined to get the other to admit that the only reason why their kid is even alive is because they are the better parent.
Now, if you come home one night and find his ex sitting at your dinner table wearing a Debbie Does Dallas version of a cheerleading outfit and your boyfriend, naked except for the bullhorn he’s using as a coverall for his junk, THEN, you might want to start asking the tough questions.
Although, you might want to look for more subtle cues like him smiling when she calls him, suddenly giving her credit for anything or asking if it would be okay if he called you by her name because yours is too hard to remember….Lisa. You know, stuff like that.
What you really need to do is have confidence in yourself and remember that this man is lucky to have you. I can see why you are concerned and seeking out advice from others is a very healthy way of dealing with it. Therefore, I’m going to assume that as I write this, your boyfriend isn’t lying unconscious on his kitchen floor because you may or may not have put too much cyanide in his orange juice.
At the end of the day, if you really want to know where your boyfriend stands on the issue, just come out and ask him. If at that very same moment he just so happens to be re-opening their joint bank account, you have your answer.
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
The other day an old boyfriend contacted me on Facebook. I live in San Francisco, he lives in Portland, Maine. He told me he wants to reconnect. I used to be crazy about him but I’m not sure if I want to start things up again.
Signed,
Here and There
Dear Here and There:
That you would even consider hooking up again with this guy is amazing to me. I say that because my number one rule for dating a man is he must live within ten miles of where I live and that’s only if he’s really hot. If he’s not hot but he’s funny, the radius is five miles. If he’s not funny or hot but it’s been a while since I last got laid, four miles. However, if he’s not hot, not funny and I haven’t gotten laid since three eclipses ago…mileage? What’s mileage?
Back in the late 80’s I briefly dated this really good looking guy, which at the time meant that I did everything and anything I could to make him happy while he did everything and anything to make himself happy too.
Last year, this same guy also contacted me via Facebook. At first, I thought it was the Universe’s way of telling me that I was finally in a place where I was mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship. It didn’t occur to me how ridiculous this notion was as my reasoning was based primarily on the fact that he was still a very good looking guy and yet was still interested in the possibility of dating me.
Aside from that, he was also divorced with twin girls the same age as my daughter (7) and he lived in
Sydney, Australia ?!!!!
I was so excited that by the time I read that little detail, I think I was hyperventilating and then just blacked out from the enormous let down.
Eventually, I came to after my mother called me from New York to tell me she’d heard there was an earthquake in Los Angeles and wanted to know if I was okay. When I told her it was just my heart hitting the floor she immediately felt relieved I was alive because as it turns out, she was bored out of her mind and I was the only one she knew that was still awake.
During my Facebook chat with this guy, he pleaded with me to come to see him. He wrote “Hey, next time you’re in Sydney, look me up!” which, of course was very sweet although I admit I don’t respond well to begging and this time was no different.
I told him I couldn’t see us getting as serious as I’m pretty sure my ex wouldn’t be happy if I told him I’m running late, about two weeks, to pick up our kid from school because my flight got delayed. Never mind, I’m so lazy, I know that if I were to ever get involved in something cross country or as I mentioned, even cross county, there’d come a time I’d call my ex and tell him “she’s all yours” because I could no longer bare another 16 hour flight or even a 30 minute car ride for that matter.
I will say, that if I’ve learned nothing else from my divorce it’s that relationships are hard enough and absence doesn’t necessarily make the heart grow fonder, although the sex is always unbelievable.
Good luck!
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
I met a guy I really like but he is a really bad tipper no matter what the circumstances. I’m really torn as to whether or not to stick with him.
Signed:
Ten Percent Is Not the New Twenty
Dear Ten Percent Is Not The New Twenty:
I dated a guy like that, briefly, the key word here being “briefly.” The reason: I found out all too quickly that a man who is tight with his money tends to also be very selfish in other areas of his life, mainly bed and this man, was no different.
In fact, being with him reminded my of my preschool days since more often than not during our average “romp” I’d hear him utter the words, “okay, now my turn” more times than is normal, normal meaning never.
During one particular evening, I was very tempted to yell out, “What are you, three?!” but held my tongue as he’d promised that after I was done screwing him, he’d take me out for an ice cream.
At first, my friends convinced me that the guy probably wasn’t even aware of the problem. They suggested that being a good tipper was something I could teach him, which is the only reason why our relationship lasted as long as it did….three weeks, eight hours, four visits to Baskin Robbins and two pieces of chocolate fudge cake which he insisted we share, something which should have been a huge red flag to me.
We were at a coffee house and no sooner had the waiter put the plate down, when my date took his fork and began to divide the cake into two pieces. By the time he was done, not only had he given himself three quarters of the slice but a part of that three quarters included the side with all the frosting on it.
I was in shock. Hadn’t I told him that my relationship with cake was the longest relationship I’d ever had? Did I not tell him that there would always be a part of me that would put cake before him, especially German Chocolate and Seven Layer?
And yet there he was diving into the frosting like it was no big deal. It was as if suddenly all the air had been sucked out of the room and the all that remained was me and this man who will forever now be known as the cake hoarding orgasm withholder or Mr. CHOW for short.
Since then I have been very wary of any man who isn’t generous, period. Be it with money, sex, frosting, it doesn’t matter and quite frankly I’d say you should be too.
Good luck and don’t forget to bring you extra cash and your credit card. Chances are you’ll need it.
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
My boyfriend was supposed to meet me at my place for a romantic evening but instead he insisted he had to stand on line at the apple store to get his Ipad. I was insulted he said I had no reason to be?
Signed,
Me, You and an Ipad Too?
Dear Me, You and an Ipad Too,
Your boyfriend gave up sex so that he could go and pick up an Ipad 2 instead?
Well, from someone who has said many times she wants to be buried in the back seat of her Prius with one arm around her MAC laptop and the other on her treadmill, I have to say I kind of understand.
I’m not saying I’m always this compassionate and I’m not even saying it’s right but there are times when materials goods can provide one the same if not more satisfaction than anything with two legs, two arms and the ability to do more then making unintelligible noises.
I mean I’ve had boyfriends where if you asked me to pick between an evening with them or a free copy of Final Cut Pro well, free is free…..
Another example is I’ve got a guy friend of mine that has made it clear that should I ever find him in bed, dead, hugging his five iron, I should know he died happy. This is contrast to the fact that he has never once mentioned anything about dying happy while holding his wife’s hand or having his way with Giselle Bundchen and to me that says something; 1. That this guy’s five iron must be nothing short of amazing 2. Giselle Bundchen is totally overexposed and needs to tell her PR to take it down a notch and 3. “things” can provide a certain level of joy unmatched by even those closest to us.
What I think your boyfriend is guilty of more than anything is poor planning. Perhaps he could have called you earlier to say he was going to be at the store and would be running late or perhaps you could have met him at the checkout counter all decked out and he could’ve started to feel you up while sliding his debit card through that thing every store uses but for which I have no name.
Yes, I’ll agree, probably not the best idea and based on past experience, I’d probably end up paying for the Ipad and not getting “any” either.
Bottom line is you and he just need to communicate better. If need be, next time tell him, I want to have sex with you tonight. Do not Pass “go”, do not stop collect anything at the Apple Store, come right home because if you don’t, the next time you get in the mood, don’t be surprised if you turn around to kiss and find out I’m stopped on the way home to get myself a pedicure.
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.

Ask Single Mom Walking

Dear Single Mom Walking:
My boyfriend likes to watch me pleasure myself but won’t let me watch him. He says it won’t turn me on. I disagree. What do you think?
Signed,
Okay, Now It’s Your Turn
Dear Okay, Now It’s Your Turn:
Well, in this situation, I can honestly say I don’t really have a tried and true answer for you. Whether or not watching your boyfriend pickle his pecker (sorry, this column is somewhat family friendly. If I wrote masturbate, they’d kill me. Oh wait, I just did. Holy hell, I’m guessing I’m not long for this world now am I? Well it’s been nice) Sorry, back to the boyfriend who ‘pickles.’
So, for me to tell you to tell him that it will turn you on wouldn’t be fair because what if in fact it did not? Since you’ve never seen this guy’s “act” you might find that he’s not very good at it. Now, I know you’re asking yourself, “What would make it good versus not good?” and probably also wondering how the hell I would know.
Well, first let me say that, yes, I’ve had a seat to one or two of these shows and honest to God, whether or not you’re going to get the reaction you are seeking, truly depends on who’s playing the lead.
You have to understand that there are certain facial expressions you never want to see on your man, ever. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had been dating this guy for like 10 hours, when he began his performance by contorting his face in such a way it made him look like he was executing a “movement” right there next to me on top of the 400 count cotton sheets I had just bought at Bed, Bath and Beyond, on sale, using my twenty percent off coupon, no less. This, of course, had me very worried because I was pretty sure I’d never get a bargain like that ever again.
However, I quickly went from worry to just outright disgust when he suddenly opened his mouth really, really wide and made these like, quick moaning sounds because it made me think of the root canal I’d just had and for a second there I was actually tempted to shove a dental dam inside his mouth and measure his tooth for a new crown.
When he did finally finish, I suddenly felt like I’d just exited one of those house of horror type rides. You know that feels like right? Where you’re kind of shaken, even though you knew the whole time you really weren’t in any danger and yet while it was happening you were scared out of your mind and even a little grossed out? Yeah, like that.
Bottom line, never assume anything, often times the grass only looks greener, be careful what you wish for….you get the point. Good luck!
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.