If you’re a small business owner, then you’ve probably experienced a lot of headaches along the road to success. Don’t get me wrong, there are days when I’m walking on a cloud because I’ve landed a huge placement and other times, I just want to pack it in and open a flower shop. When those moments arise, I do what I do best….write. Without further ado, I present, Go F**k Yourself Friday, the Small Business Edition!
Go F**k Yourself to the “ROI” Client – As a publicist, it’s sometimes difficult to measure how a media placement can immediately lead to sales. In some cases, it’s pretty straight forward – an author appears on a TV show and they see a spike in Amazon sales. But in other instances, it’s really tough to predict what will motivate someone to buy a product. That’s why every time a client is fixated on ROI (return on investment) I know I am doomed. When you hire a publicist it’s like going to Vegas and playing the slots. Sometimes you’ll win a bunch of quarters, other times you’ll keep feeding the beast and every once in a while, you’ll hit the jackpot. If you don’t have the stomach for gambling, then please do us both a favor and don’t hire me. But if you’re ready for a fun ride, then hit me up with some quarters and let’s do this!
Go F**k Yourself to Subscription Services that Suck Away My Cash – I finally bit the bullet and cancelled a Quickbooks account for a business I have that’s no longer generating revenue. But it took me several months to finally log onto my Quickbooks account and figure out how to cancel it in the first place. That’s the thing about expensive subscription services – they hide their cancellation button so well that you just decide to give up and keep paying the fees. Thankfully, I took the time to finally cut the cord and am glad I’m not flushing cash down the toilet anymore.
Go F**k Yourself to Clients Who Trade Chickens in Lieu of Checks – I keep hearing from friends that instead of paying them what they are worth, their clients are offering them a free hotel stay, a fancy dinner, or free haircuts for life. While it’s always wonderful to have perks in your life, perks don’t pay the bills. I’d rather pay my own way, get paid for what I’m worth and then pay my bills on time.
Go F**k Yourself to Big Clients Who Take Forever to Pay– There is nothing worse than landing a new client who takes advantage of your good nature and decides to pay you on their timeline – which can sometimes be a month from now, 60 days away and in some cases, never. If you were on a construction site and didn’t pay your workers, do you think they’d come back each day to operate the crane? I don’t think so. Pay up or stop wasting my time.
Go F**k Yourself to Toxic Clients – I learned this lesson a few years ago when a client would literally interrogate my team during meetings and her yelling and verbal abuse became so intense that we actually fired her. No matter what someone is willing to pay, there is nothing worse than getting sucked into the world of someone with a toxic personality. If you meet a client who is prone to yelling, belittling your work or just being rude to you no matter what you to do, then life is too short. Fire them first before they fire you.
And on that note, it’s time to start the weekend. Yabba Dabba Doo…I’m outta here!