Since I was out all morning traversing the city, I had a lot of time to ponder what my topic would be this week and seriously, this one hit me over the head like a ton of bricks. Wherever I went, there you were, so I present to you, Go F**k Yourself Friday, the STFU Edition!
Go F**k Yourself Arrogant Real Estate Dude – You were sitting right next to me having coffee with a potential employee or consultant and you couldn’t have been more rude to him. Every time the poor guy spoke, you pretty much cut him down to size with some condescending remark like you could buy and sell him. The guy was scrambling to give you ideas and you just wanted to see him sweat. And I was just trying to ignore you while I got my computer’s wifi to work but felt like I was suffering through your interrogation too and even wanted to help him out. Lighten up and don’t be so sure of yourself buddy – you don’t have to be a prick to find good people. Actually, you’ll never find good people that way.
Go F**k Yourself Girl on the Train – Hey twenty-something sitting a few feet away from me. When your phone rang unexpectedly today, did you seriously have to talk so loud so that everyone could hear your conversation? And then once you hung up, did you have to call your friend to tell her what happened in that same loud voice? Just a word on phone etiquette when you’re on the train – take it down a few decibels and look out the window when you’re talking. No one on the train wants to know what’s going on in your life. Okay, maybe we do but don’t make it that easy for us to listen in.
Go F**k Yourself Doctor Who Totally Needs a Hearing Aid – Hey doc! I know you are about to report for surgery and the reason I know is that you are sitting in the hospital cafeteria and your phone rang and you answered it and you were so damn loud that a few comatose patients woke up from the ICU. If your voice breaks through the sound barrier when you’re on a call, then maybe it’s time to either adjust the settings on your phone or visit the audiology department stat.
Go F**k Yourself Up Talker – I bet you don’t even know who you are. I typically bump into you on line at Starbucks and for some strange reason, every sentence that comes out of your mouth always sounds like a question. I’d like a triple soy latte half calf? I’d like a gluten free cake pop? I said soy milk not almond milk? Honestly, not every sentence has to sound like a question. End on a downbeat once in a while and eat some real food for a change.
Go F**k Yourself Low Talker – I have to admit, I am guilty of this one but I’ve been a victim myself. I know you are only trying to be polite but if I ask you a question and I have to read your lips in order to decipher what you said, honestly, what’s the point? Speak up low talker and don’t make me have to ask you the same question again because dammit, I can’t hear anything you’re saying.