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Back to Blogging…

A long time ago before I even became a mom, I began reading books about what it was like going through pregnancy, childbirth and eventually child rearing. Like everyone else I know from back then, I initially bought a book called What to Expect When You’re Expecting, and truthfully, it scared the sh*t out of me. Every time I had a cramp, I thought something was going wrong. I freaked out about every stage of my pregnancy and when my daughter finally did arrive, I was one of those jumpy parents who would hover over her bassinet to make sure she was still breathing.

One time, during my first few weeks of motherhood, I was so dazed and confused after breastfeeding at 2am, I carried my daughter back into her room and accidentally bumped her tiny little head on the door frame. I was convinced I had knocked her unconscious and so, my husband grabbed a washcloth, drenched it in water and wiped her face with it. In an instant, she turned beet red and woke up crying. Crisis averted.

When it came to child #2, I loosened up a lot. I bought a new book, The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth, and finally, I knew I had found my tribe. Spare me the fear, I was all about the funny. After that delicious read, I jumped into The Three Martini Playdate by Christie Mellor and realized that I loved this sarcastic take on motherhood so much that I was going to start writing about my life too.

From there, I began writing with a friend and we decided we were going to publish a book. Sure we didn’t know anyone who could actually publish it, but we were determined. We spent a summer in my basement, writing and laughing and eventually, Peeing in Peace was born. While it took us about nine months to actually find a publisher who would take a chance on us (thank you Sourcebooks), we eventually did while launching Role Mommy along the way.

Role Mommy has become a place where I have shared embarrassing stories about my kids when they were little (footnote: by the time they were 12, I was forbidden to share anything funny about them on my blog). I posted reviews of TV shows, films and products and also featured guest content from other parenting writers from around the web. And I produced dozens of incredibly memorable events. These days, my little site that could is serving up a dose of stories and sarcasm again. I’m back to doing what I love most – making people laugh, think and maybe even shed some tears along the way. And I’m working on some fun events again too.

So welcome back to Role Mommy if you haven’t been here in a while. And if this is your first time visiting, then hope you like what you see. I’m writing again from the heart about work, life and everything in between. Even though I’m practically an empty nester and I no longer have funny tales to tell about my kids, it definitely feels great to be doing what I love again.

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Go F**k Yourself Fridays…The Road Rage Edition

Today, I’ve decided to dedicate this post to all the people in this world who seem totally oblivious on the road. See if you can relate to these scenarios..

Go F**k yourself driver in the extra large SUV Lexus truck who can never seem to park inside the lines at our local shopping center. When I have to slide back into my car like a gecko because you decided to go over the lines with your luxury yacht on wheels, you totally deserve it when I accidentally hit your side view mirror with my door.

Another shout out goes to the pedestrian who about five seconds earlier got out of her Lexus SUV/Truck and then walked into oncoming traffic without even looking where she was going. Pay attention lady and while you’re at it, go fix your piss poor parking job. And oh, Go F**k yourself!

Don’t even get me started on the Saturday cyclists. Seriously, every time you ride outside the bike lane or have a conversation while riding tandem 3-4 across and block the road, I want to open my window and stick my arm out so I can knock you over. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m an avid indoor cycler. But when I’m riding outside, I do whatever I can to ride inside the lines because I don’t want to get hit by a car. You’re not going fast enough for me to pass you on the road so for the love of drivers everywhere, MOVE the F**k OVER!!!

After merging onto the highway, I’m always careful to stay out of the left lane because there’s always that one a**hole who decides to ride my tail until I finally move back to my safe place (aka the middle). Seriously, left lane tailgaters, Go F**k yourself every time you try to play chicken with the car in front of you. I really wish there was an app that took a photo of your license plate and reported it to a cop so they could instantly pull you over for being a jerk. Hmmm, maybe I need to get started on that.

Go F**k Yourself people who hold parking spots for friends or family. That means you Alec Baldwin, who got arrested last week because he punched someone who innocently grabbed an open spot on a busy city street like any sane individual would do. Alec meanwhile got pissed because he was holding the parking spot for someone else. Isn’t Alec Baldwin a multi-millionaire? Why is he holding spots on a Manhattan street when he can just park in a garage and leave everyone alone? While I love your Donald Trump impressions Alec, your bully behavior earns you Go F**k Yourself  honors this week.

Finally, to the indecisive woman who cut me off and didn’t signal because she realized she wanted to make a right turn and almost caused an accident, Go F**k Yourself! Just because you are lost or confused doesn’t mean you can just ignore the car next to you and make a right turn. If you almost cause a fender bender because you think you’re the only car on the road, please leave your car at home next time around and take an Uber.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone and drive safe!

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Melancholy Mondays

This past weekend, I found out that our friends lost someone very close to them, their lifelong friend Tom. I was lucky enough to have met Tom when our family tagged along on their annual summer vacation to Block Island. For the last three decades, they reunite with their high school friends where they relax at the beach, gather around a bonfire, shoot off fireworks, shop at the farmer’s markets in town and enjoy amazing lobster and lots of drinks.

But there’s even more to this picturesque New England beach island than the quaint stores, the sunshine and the ghosts (don’t even get me started on that one) some of the most memorable times we had on Block Island were because of Tom – or shall I say Pirate Tom for those of us who were lucky enough to see him in action.

Each summer, Tom would visit with his friends on Block Island and during that weekend, would transform into his stage persona, Pirate Tom. Dozens of kids and parents would gather around Pirate Tom as he embarked on a trek across Mansion Beach that would eventually lead to finding a buried treasure. With his booming voice, kerchief on his head, scraggly beard and white flowy shirt, Tom embodied the spirit of someone who had just stepped out from another time period. The moment he began to speak, we all became part of the adventure as he made us laugh and we cheered him on as he fought off another swashbuckler who attempted to steal the treasure trove of beads that were buried somewhere along the beach.

It was so much fun to see Tom entertain those kids and the group seemed to grow year after year to a point where some kids didn’t even know Pirate Tom but knew they definitely wanted to be a part of the action. No matter your age, if you witnessed a Pirate Tom performance, you walked away with a priceless summer memory.

There are not many people in this world who can touch people’s lives at any age but Tom had that magical gift. He was a bartender, a voice over artist and actor who relished the opportunity to tell stories while making people laugh and brightening their lives.

And that, my dear readers is what life is truly about. It’s not about having a fancy title next to your name or driving an expensive car or having a spectacular home. Life is about the people who make your days fuller and richer with love, laughter and adventure. Tom was that person and while he is gone, his legend will absolutely live on for generations to come. In fact, I think we’re going to take a trip to Block Island this summer to retrace those magical steps along the beach. While we may not find that buried treasure again, what I’ve come to realize is that Pirate Tom was the treasure all along. 

Pirate Tom – Legends are never forgotten
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Role Mommy Review: Weed the People

Over the years, I have been involved in a several different projects that centered around cancer. No matter the circumstances, it’s heartbreaking to see anyone face a cancer diagnosis. But when it’s your child, it’s absolutely devastating. I’ve met numerous families who have banded together to help find a cure for pediatric and breast cancer and am amazed at the immunotherapy treatment that has been funded due to donations, awareness and their tireless efforts to do whatever it takes to save a life.

Baby Sophie meets Mara Gordon, the founder of Aunt Zelda’s Oil who works with families to find cannabis oil treatment options for cancer

For cancer patients who are still fighting the disease or have been diagnosed at a late stage, the road is quite frightening – especially for families of young children. That’s why it was so enlightening for me to see the new documentary “Weed the People,” produced by Ricki Lake and directed by Abby Epstein which follows several families on their journey to find holistic treatments for their children that have led to their tumors shrinking or disappearing completely.

The film is definitely a tug at your heartstrings experience so make sure you have a few tissues handy when you watch as cameras follow the families in the midst of their fight against deadly cancer, their introduction to using a form of cannabis to treat their children and the incredible results that followed.

The sad part is that while cannabis oil is available in some states, there are others that make it illegal for families to have it shipped to them across state lines. The cost is also incredibly high and insurance unfortunately doesn’t cover it. So families are left to find unconventional ways to raise funds for the treatment while others sell their prized possessions or host fundraisers to support their medical expenses in the hope they can save their child’s life.

From an adorable blond haired blue eyed baby named Sophie whose tumors miraculously start shrinking after a combination of chemo and medicinal cannabis oil, to a boy named Chico who experiences an incredible turnaround, to AJ Kephart who even makes it to his high school graduation, “Weed the People,” presents a hopeful outlook for families who are determined to do whatever it takes to save their kids. While the outcomes are not all positive, what is encouraging is that there are doctors who are interested in learning more about the benefits of medicinal cannabis oil and how it could impact the patients they are treating.

I highly recommend “Weed the People” and really do hope that more pediatric oncologists incorporate medicinal cannabis into their treatment of young patients.  To find out more about the film and if it’s playing in your area, visit the Weed the People website.

Weed The People Trailer from Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein on Vimeo.

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Go F*** Yourself Fridays…The Taker

Following an amazing response to this new column, I decided to do it again because honestly, there’s a lot of behavior over the years that I let go unchecked and frankly, now that I’m older, all bets are off. 

I got a ton of great comments that have led me to this week’s Go F*** Yourself offender of the week. I hereby present to you…

THE TAKER

If you have incredible connections that you have built up throughout your career, then beware, at some point in your life, you will fall victim to The Taker. When they meet you for the first time, The Taker will blow a whole lot of smoke up your butt – telling you how amazing you are and how impressed with what you have accomplished in your career.  They may even want to take you for coffee or lunch. If you take them up on their offer, be warned, they are going in for the take.

Typically, the taker will strike after their first or second meeting. They will innocently want to pick your brain and then follow up with questions about having you connect them to people you know who could help them advance their career or their goals. Don’t get me wrong – I have no problem sharing my contacts with people I trust and admire, but there’s something sinister about takers. They like to take, take, take but they never seem to give anything back in return.

I had my first brush with a taker when I had landed a big promotion at work. One day after appearing at an event, The Taker introduced themself, took me to lunch and the next thing I know, I started handing over my contacts like candy. The Taker had a field day with me. The problem was, a few years later after I had left my big job behind, The Taker didn’t get the message that you’re supposed to help people who have helped you succeed. When all you do is take and give nothing back in return, than you can take your flattery and stick it where the sun don’t shine.

Another personal favorite is The Taker who is climbing the corporate ladder and will do whatever it takes to get to the top. When you’re their boss, you might see their ambition as an asset to your department so you give them opportunities to continue to kick ass on the job and the next thing you know, they quit or get promoted and suddenly, they have passed you by on the corporate ladder. When you attempt to reach out years later, this overly ambitious taker never responds to any of your inquiries. After they continually fail to return your calls or emails, you find yourself secretly wishing this taker gets laid off. Yes, I know that’s evil, but some takers just need to be taken down.

Then there’s a variation of “The Taker” which I’d like to call “The Swooper.” In this scenario, you’ve worked really hard at your job – perhaps you wrote an amazing speech for someone or maybe you came up with an ingenious idea for a project you’ve been working on and the next thing you know, you’re blindsighted by The Swooper who has no shame whatsoever and takes credit for your work. That’s the most painful Taker of all – especially since you know that The Swooper wouldn’t know how to write their way out of a paper bag.

If you have found yourself on the receiving end of The Taker, be vigilant. They may not want to be your friend – they just want to get to know who you know. And if you have been or currently are a Taker, seriously, Go F*** Yourself.