Today, I’ve decided to dedicate this post to all the people in this world who seem totally oblivious on the road. See if you can relate to these scenarios..
Go F**k yourself driver in the extra large SUV Lexus truck who can never seem to park inside the lines at our local shopping center. When I have to slide back into my car like a gecko because you decided to go over the lines with your luxury yacht on wheels, you totally deserve it when I accidentally hit your side view mirror with my door.
Another shout out goes to the pedestrian who about five seconds earlier got out of her Lexus SUV/Truck and then walked into oncoming traffic without even looking where she was going. Pay attention lady and while you’re at it, go fix your piss poor parking job. And oh, Go F**k yourself!
Don’t even get me started on the Saturday cyclists. Seriously, every time you ride outside the bike lane or have a conversation while riding tandem 3-4 across and block the road, I want to open my window and stick my arm out so I can knock you over. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m an avid indoor cycler. But when I’m riding outside, I do whatever I can to ride inside the lines because I don’t want to get hit by a car. You’re not going fast enough for me to pass you on the road so for the love of drivers everywhere, MOVE the F**k OVER!!!
After merging onto the highway, I’m always careful to stay out of the left lane because there’s always that one a**hole who decides to ride my tail until I finally move back to my safe place (aka the middle). Seriously, left lane tailgaters, Go F**k yourself every time you try to play chicken with the car in front of you. I really wish there was an app that took a photo of your license plate and reported it to a cop so they could instantly pull you over for being a jerk. Hmmm, maybe I need to get started on that.
Go F**k Yourself people who hold parking spots for friends or family. That means you Alec Baldwin, who got arrested last week because he punched someone who innocently grabbed an open spot on a busy city street like any sane individual would do. Alec meanwhile got pissed because he was holding the parking spot for someone else. Isn’t Alec Baldwin a multi-millionaire? Why is he holding spots on a Manhattan street when he can just park in a garage and leave everyone alone? While I love your Donald Trump impressions Alec, your bully behavior earns you Go F**k Yourself honors this week.
Finally, to the indecisive woman who cut me off and didn’t signal because she realized she wanted to make a right turn and almost caused an accident, Go F**k Yourself! Just because you are lost or confused doesn’t mean you can just ignore the car next to you and make a right turn. If you almost cause a fender bender because you think you’re the only car on the road, please leave your car at home next time around and take an Uber.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone and drive safe!