Written by Role Mommy Contributor, Eric Ruhalter
What’s your kid going to be for Halloween this year? I’m not saying. Because it’s going to change at least 4 more times before it’s final. So I’m just ignoring them for another week. Then they have to TRULY commit, I make them swear with a spit handshake, to a costume that they agree to sport for this annum’s Halloween festivities.
And I’ll make it! With my own two hands, I’ll make that costume. Whatever it is they want to be. And I’ll make it out of things I find around the house. And duct tape. Lots and lots of duct tape.
Last year my daughter wanted to be Barbie. She wanted to look juuuust like the doll she had. A pristine, beautiful, perfectly appointed, blonde Barbie with high cheek bones and sparkly eyes. So I duct taped the doll to her face. Barbie! Wassup!?
My son? He wanted to be a pencil. That was easy. Hold pencil touching nose and forehead. Duct tape. BAM! Pencil!
This year my oldest son is 14. He kind of knows my game. (Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 14 times shame on me.) He told me he didn’t want me to bother investing my valuable time in any costume fabrication for him. He just wants to wear one of those full body stockings – The suit that covers you head to toe in one solid color. You can buy them online for 24.99. But I did it at home for just 3 rolls of duct tape. BOOYEAH!!
Yeah. Halloween’s a whoppin’ fun time. Come visit us. We’ve got top shelf candy! Though I may throw some old batteries in your bag too. I don’t know how else to get rid of them! But do stop by! Leaky candy bags and torn costumes repaired while you wait. Duct tape!*
(*Please note: No duct tape was actually applied to any children. This fictitious account is low-brow allegory intended to depict some of the inherent mild frustrations affiliated with the annual pagan ritual of Halloween.)
Eric Ruhalter lives in Morristown, NJ with his wife and 3 kids. Eric is the author of the parenting humor book: “Phrazzlers: Funny New Words to Describe the Wild World of Parenting.” See funny videos and slideshows at www.Phrazzlers.com
Role Mommy 3.0