Now that the summer is in full force, I’ve been noticing an increasing trend in my area. Tattoos. Big burly men who could qualify for contestants on “The Biggest Loser” sport them on their arms, their legs and their bellies. Ridiculously fit men who look like “The Situation” from “Jersey Shore,” have them all over their arms, legs and backs. Surprisingly, the muscle men always avoid desecrating their most prized possession…their six packs.
And let’s not forget women. I’ve seen rose tattoos on ankles, hearts near someone’s butt crack (okay, yes, it’s weird that I looked but it’s like a bad car accident…you just can’t look away). I’ve seen an ink charm bracelet on someone’s wrist and ankle – although I would have taken the sparkly kind over the painful version any day of the week. And I’ve seen birds, names of loved ones (including grandmothers), a memorial tattoo and so many more that last night, I had a dream about being kidnapped and strapped into a chair at a tattoo parlor.
While I am pretty skittish when it comes to allowing a creepy bald guy use a drill to engrave my Grandma Dora’s initials on my arm, if yours truly were ever forced to get a tattoo, here’s a few options I think I could live with…
1. Hydrangea Bush – Just yesterday, I told my husband how thrilled I was with how beautiful our hydrangeas are looking this year. The purples are so rich and lavish that I would be proud to leave our home each day sporting a replica of our treasured bush on my arm.
2. The Ann Taylor LOFT logo – Instead of the salesgirl asking me each time I visit whether I want to open a LOFT account, I would simply flash her my LOFT logo and she’d know that I am truly one of their favorite shoppers. I’d do the same for Ann Taylor but I think the lettering is a little long for my arm. Better yet…maybe I can do a tattoo of shopping bags – one with LOFT, another with Ann Taylor and a third with White House Black Market.
3. A Volkswagon EOS Convertible – Since that’s what I’m dreaming about for my next car and probably won’t get it (the trunk space is too small for our family), I can at least wear it proudly on my arm or leg. Or, I could always do a VW “Punch Buggy” that could change colors every time my kids punch my arm.
4. A rendering of a woman getting a pedicure – Since I can hardly find the time to get my nails or my toes done, this would be the next best thing. It could almost serve as my personal to do list – look down at my tattoo of the lady being pampered and immediately head to Sophia’s Nails.
5. Re-create My Favorite Hotel of All Time…Le Sirenuse in Positano – My husband and I went there on our honeymoon nearly 15 years ago and since jet fuel prices are out of the stratosphere, I probably may never go back until we hit retirement and our kids send us away for our 50th anniversary. Rather than conjure up memories of our romantic five days in southern Italy, I could wear it proudly on my butt cheek where it would serve as a reminder to my husband that it’s time to take me on a really romantic vacation.
So there you have it…I’ve bared my personal tattoo collection with you. Have any imaginary tattoos you’d like to share?
Role Mommy 3.0