Dear Single Mom Walking:
My boyfriend and I just broke up after eight months together. I told my daughter but need I also tell my ex husband?
Yes, No or Maybe?
Dear Yes, No or Maybe:
I’ve been divorced over six years now and I prefer to keep my life very separate from of my ex husband’s to the point where I will go out of my way to not share any personal information with him.
As an example, the other day he asked me what time did it say on my cell phone. I turned around and asked him what time it said on his cell phone. He then told me he didn’t have his with him. I then asked him if there were any clocks close by or other people with a cell phone handy. He got angry and yelled, “fine, I’ll ask someone else!: then called me a f**ing lunatic and hung up the phone.
Okay, I’ll admit that perhaps I went a bit too far on that one but I recently went from getting laid a lot to barely at all to potentially never, ever again and I’m just not myself.
Your life is your life. Your ex’s life is his life. However, if you are anything like me, 1. You think everything should come covered in chocolate and 2. you don’t have much of a life so ultimately it makes things a lot easier when it comes to the “share” part. Nevertheless, the little that you do do, the people or persons, or in my case, dog, that you spend a majority of your time with are your business not his.
Another thing to consider is you might not have to tell your ex anything because you’ve got your seven year old daughter to do it for you…like it or not.
I am very careful what I say around her now, even in Spanish because as I mentioned in an earlier column, my daughter has now begun to study it in school and I’m too lazy to learn Mandarin.
One thing I will say is don’t ever ask your kid not to say anything about you to her father because the right after you tell her not to that will be exactly the thing she will feel compelled to do more than anything else in the world.
You can’t blame her. It’s human nature. Don’t’ believe me? Okay. Remember the last time you told yourself you were going to stop drinking? Exactly.
My ex has been with the same woman for many years now. If he were to come to me and ask me straight out, “Are you still dating so and so?”, I’d be adult about it and just tell him the truth, “no because he was kidnapped by pirates,” and then just leave it at that.
It’s up to you how to deal with this to be sure, but honestly really is the best policy…..when it serves you.
Jessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.
Dear Single Mom Walking: