Dear Single Mom Walking:
My name is Lisa. I’m writing because my boyfriend’s ex wife wants him back. I’m a little freaked out because, I mean, she is the mother of their kid. Should I stick around?
Lisa Has A Problem
Dear Lisa Has A Problem:
If the fact that she is the mother of your boyfriend’s child is the only reason you are afraid he might break up with you, rest assured. I could fill a line of divorced men from Los Angeles to New York City who will tell you “so what, she’s the mother of my kids…she’s still a total bitch.”
When a man has a child, he usually has to communicate with the mother if he’s going to have any relationship with his children. Otherwise, most couples tend to go their own way, hers to a therapist, his to the bed of the girlfriend he hooked up with seven seconds after splitting up because he realized that when his ex moved out she not only took her part of their assets, but kept her vagina with her as well.
That being said, if you do find your boyfriend spending inordinate amounts of time texting or talking to his ex-wife then you might have a reason to be worried. I use the word “might” because when it comes to divorced people, they could pass a hundred and fifty text messages between them for the sole reason that they cannot agree on what brand of sunscreen the child needs, or because one is determined to get the other to admit that the only reason why their kid is even alive is because they are the better parent.
Now, if you come home one night and find his ex sitting at your dinner table wearing a Debbie Does Dallas version of a cheerleading outfit and your boyfriend, naked except for the bullhorn he’s using as a coverall for his junk, THEN, you might want to start asking the tough questions.
Although, you might want to look for more subtle cues like him smiling when she calls him, suddenly giving her credit for anything or asking if it would be okay if he called you by her name because yours is too hard to remember….Lisa. You know, stuff like that.
What you really need to do is have confidence in yourself and remember that this man is lucky to have you. I can see why you are concerned and seeking out advice from others is a very healthy way of dealing with it. Therefore, I’m going to assume that as I write this, your boyfriend isn’t lying unconscious on his kitchen floor because you may or may not have put too much cyanide in his orange juice.
At the end of the day, if you really want to know where your boyfriend stands on the issue, just come out and ask him. If at that very same moment he just so happens to be re-opening their joint bank account, you have your answer.
Jessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.
Dear Single Mom Walking: