Dear Single Mom Walking,
Can a man use you for sex if you’re using him for sex?
Wouldn’t Make a Difference
Dear Wouldn’t Make a Difference:
Basically what you’re asking is, does one cancel out the other? Well, I suppose it does, in fact there is a phrase for that called, “friend with benefits.” Then again, you didn’t mention whether or not you two get together outside of the bedroom. If you don’t, then I would label your relationship more as “two people lucky to be getting some” or maybe “two of the smartest people in the world” might be more appropriate.
Sex is wonderful. It’s almost as good as a Costco sheet cake, actually make that cakeS. Both give me a reason to want to continue living although, the Costco cake does carry with it the added bonus of never asking me to get my ass waxed or falling asleep while I recite all the exciting things that happened during my day as a part time writer although “part” would be a gross estimation. Perhaps, “A sliver of a writer,” would be more apropro, plus it has a bit of a ring to it, does it not?
I think the thing you might want to consider is finding out if the both of you are on the same page. How awkward if mid coitus he’s picturing the two of you on the altar saying your “I do’s” while you’re wondering if it was a wise choice to spend your lunch hour having sex instead of making a trip to your favorite delicatessen on “pastrami day.” Seriously, a good piece of pastrami is not something you want to miss out on if you can help it. In that situation, my suggestion would be to try and skip “borscht day” or “rugelach” week as these two events would more than likely draw a crowd of people to whom the word “blackberry” is defined as a piece of fruit that can be eaten raw or made into a lovely tasting jam.
If you both agree that using each other for sex was the plan all along, that would be great. However, I can only hope that your partner not only wants to please you in bed but also possesses an unquenchable desire to fix s**t around your house, walk your dog on a daily walk, as well as an inability to leave a bed unmade or a dryer full of unfolded laundry.
Most importantly, every once in a while ask youself how you feel about this guy. If you find that you actually want to have a real relationship with him, you might want to stop the sex and figure out what is best for you. Then again, if you are anything like me, you actually do your best thinking post coital anyway, so in that case, for your own mental health do not stop screwing, ever.
Jessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.
March 1, 2011
Ask Single Mom Walking
Dear Single Mom Walking,