Dear Single Mom Walking:
My boyfriend has a favorite sexual position that is not abnormal per se, but not typical. I don’t like it because it requires a bit of flexibility (I’m 38) and I have to do most of the work. I want to please him but every time we are in bed together lately, that’s the position he wants to be in. What do I do?
Ouch, I think I pulled something
Dear Ouch I Think I Pulled Something:
Well, let’s give your boyfriend some points for his imagination, no? There is nothing like changing things up and a riding crop to keep a relationship healthy….uh, so I’ve heard.
Over and over again, I hear my friends complain how boring their bedroom time is because it’s just the same old, same old. I once dated a guy who was very into spicing things up. It was great, until his motivation died out and then, so did we.
Sorry, but, I wouldn’t eat chicken for dinner every night so why the hell would I want to “do it” the same way time after time? Perhaps I could if we were cast in the show, “So you think you can have sex.” Then I get the point of wanting to repeat the same routine. Certainly, I wouldn’t want to slip up in front of a live audience and panel of professionals with credits such as “Dina Does All of Downtown” or “Bob & Mary Get Licked.” Never mind how much I’d hate to lose because just when I was supposed lick his perineum he has me on all fours. I’m so competitive I’d never be able to look at a dog again and not wonder what could have become of my life had my partner just spread his legs and let me do my thing.
Of course it’s important for you to be comfortable but that is a slippery slope. You know how when you first meet a guy, you take the time to actually shave AND put on deodorant and then as the days go by you think he’s lucky that you’re still wearing your “good” sweatpants? Well, that happens in the sack as well. One minute it’s all about what makes the other person feel good and the next thing you know, you’re pissed because he’s still banging away five minutes into the premiere of “CSI” and he’s unhappy because in his mind, he’s now dating a corpse.
Perhaps you and your boyfriend could compromise. Maybe you can find a position where neither of you wakes up the next morning wondering if one of your limbs is still attached to your body as well as the need to rekindle your relationship with your physical therapist.
Another idea would be for you both to sign up for a yoga class or from your description perhaps, one that includes techniques practiced by every member of Cirque De Soliel. This way you are both happy and unhurt and who knows maybe you’ll learn about new positions that neither of you thought were humanly possible.
Jessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.
Ask Single Mom Walking
Dear Single Mom Walking: