Day: March 22, 2011

Dear Single Mom Walking:
I have my first date since I ended my last relationship of 6 years. I met my date online and I’m worried what do I do if I’m not attracted to him and how will I know if he’s not attracted to me?
Signed,
Maybe I Should Just Stay Home
Dear Maybe I Should Just Stay Home:
When I first started dating, I actually took all the pictures these men posted at face value, literally.
There I would be expecting that what I was about to see live was a man who looked a lot like Bradley Cooper only to find out that the only thing my date had in common with him was they both had teeth, two legs and required oxygen to remain standing.
I remember the feeling of my heart dropping down to my feet from the utter disappointment of knowing that 1) there was no way I was getting laid that night and 2) I was stuck spending at least the next half hour of my life talking to this man when I could have been home counting how many Cheerios come in one box.
Problem was, I kept at it. Every date was like playing the lottery. I’d show up, my heart pounding, wondering if this would be the night when I’d end up with Darth Vader or Dylan McDermott.
Finally, after way too many months, I told myself, “That’s it. I’ve had it’. From that point on, if I went on a date with a guy that was so unattractive it would have been easier on my eyes to just stare directly into the sun, I would let him know within in the first ten minutes of our date that this would be our last evening together.
I was nice but I was firm. I would insist we meet for coffee and then I would literally tell the guy, “Listen, I think you’re very nice but the chemistry is just not there for me”. Which, I’m happy to say, would be quickly followed by him asking the waitress for the check.
Now, to address your other question. How will you know if he is not attracted to you?
Sadly, I can answer this one as well. At the end of the date he will either shake your hand or give you a quick hug, you know like the kind you would expect from say your seven year old.
Thankfully, most men rarely say, “I’ll call you” anymore, which I personally prefer. Instead, they tend to say things like, “Well good luck with your ___________” which will then be followed by this hellishly awkward moment where they are supposed to offer to walk you to your car but don’t. I admit, however, that might happen because I live in Los Angeles, where walking is something we know we CAN do but work very hard not to.
Finally, some will actually do what I do and just come out and tell you honestly that they are just not that into you. It doesn’t feel great but dating is not a one way street. What is good for Ms. Goosey has to also be good for Mr. Gander.
Jessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.