Single Mom Walking

iStock_000015069527XSmall.jpgDear Single Mom Walking:
My boyfriend wants me to do a lap dance for him and he even said he’d buy me a pole. He says it’s a huge turn on for him. I want to please him but is it worth the shame and the pain?
There Has To Be Another Way
Dear There Has To Be Another Way:
Well, first let me ask you is this a paying gig? If so, is he aware that the dollar bill has gone by the wayside along with affordable housing and a 5% unemployment rate?
Seriously, for the level of humiliation I would endure trying to gyrate my hips around a pole while simultaneously trying to hide my c-section scar and the fact that when I DO gyrate my hips I look like I’m having a grand mal seizure, I think tipping me in the form of a $50.00 bill, no, make that billS, would be a more of an even exchange.
Never mind the damage to my floors from the pole itself. Turns out you would need to get one that is bolted to the floor and ceiling as I read about some chick who tried to do it the cheapy way and ended up breaking her collarbone when the thing came toppling down while she was mid-slide.
In an article I read on the topic, it was recommended that should you not want to spend the cash and go with the Ikea version, it would be wise for you to put down gym mats all around the pole just in case. Too bad Ms. “honey, I think you better call an ambulance!” didn’t do a little more research on the topic huh? I’m pretty sure she would have benefited from that little bitty piece of advice.
On top of all that, I would take into consideration how long you’ve been in your relationship. Has he seen you without make-up? Helped you while you vomited your guts out? Do you at least pee in front of him or feel comfortable enough to let one rip in his presence?
If you answered yes to any or all of these questions and he is still sticking around, chances are he won’t notice when you pass out from the pain because the last time you wore heels that high was NEVER.
I also found out there are DVD’s available to teach you how to not only pole dance, but do a strip tease as well. I would only venture to purchase them if they also came with another DVD showing how I can stop myself from laughing my ass off while making an attempt to do either or, God forbid, what to do in case I actually think I’m getting good at it but when I do it in front of my boyfriend HE can’t stop from laughing HIS ass off.
It’s a tough call here. On the one hand, spicing up a relationship is always a good thing, however, you need to decide how far you’re willing to go to make that happen.
Your choice, good luck.
Check out Jessica’s take on Valentine’s Day in the current issue of Project You Magazine…

jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at and has worked her vlogging magic with, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.