Ask Single Mom Walking

Thumbnail image for vajazzle.jpgDear Single Mom Walking:
I vajazzled my vagina the other day. My friend was appalled. She said she thought men should just accept the vagina as it is, that women should not go out of their way to do anything about it just to keep men happy. I think she’s wrong.
Signed,
Maybe I Need New Friends
Dear Maybe I Need New Friends:
I’m very glad you wrote to me about this. You see, I’ve been wondering exactly what goes into vajazzling one’s vagina. “Why?’, you ask? Well, 1) because I clearly need to get a life and 2) because I’m not a crafty and to me, when I HAVE thought about it, the only thought that came to my mind was:
My vagina + one bottle of glue + a bag full of jewels =’s one giant gynecologic disaster.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing more I want in life than to have my nether regions glitter like a ball of sunshine, really, nothing more. Not my kid getting into Harvard, the ability to pay my mortgage on time or even winning the battle against my new middle age spread, nothing.
That being said, one has to be realistic about one’s limitations. Also, one need also consider that she doesn’t HAVE to date a man who prefers that when the woman he is dating spread her legs, she light up like the Empire State Building. It’s a choice.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to “dress up” for your man. If you are both into that, then go for it. However, if you feel sexy in your chinos and clogs but the guy in your life, thinks the pants make it seem like your ass has gone AWOL and your shoes would be better with a back and some heels attached, well then, it’s time to move on.
Then again, you could always compromise. I went to the vajazzle.com site and found that you are not limited to just dazzling up your sexual organs. You can put those puppies on your chest, your hip, right above your ass crack. I know, can life get any better? Believe or not, it can! I also read that no man is precluded from pasting a few of those beauties on and around his ball region so now both of you can suffer and shine together! Hello?! Did I just make your day or what?
Although, truth be told, I’m not sure how into a man I would be if when the time came for him to drop his Jockeys he had a rhinestones stuck to his genitals. I don’t care if they were in the shape of an arrow, a barbell or a bottle of Old Spice, More than likely my response would be me zipping up my pants while simultaneously running out the door yelling, “Gotta go! I think I left my oven on!”
Hopefully, I’ll never have to know.
Thumbnail image for jessica bern 724 (1)-thumb-200x300-2685 (1).jpgJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.