THE (d.a.)D-LIST by Eric Ruhalter


1. Pastry chef who falls down stairs after announcing “8 …COCONUT CUSTARD… PIES!!!” (et. al.) should sue somebody’s ass.
2. Bert and Ernie dedicate all time and resources toward supporting same-sex marriage legislation. (Those two! I KNEW it!!)
3. Owing to education budget cuts, Sesame street only teaches letters A through N.
4. Oscar busted with Crystal Meth lab in trash can, but still gets elected as Brooklyn Borough President.
5. Gordon and Susan go through nasty divorce, ripe with unwarranted domestic violence police reports and Susan throwing all Gordon’s stuff out window, shouting “Why don’t you keep this crap over at your whore slut girlfriend’s house?!?!?!”
6. Big Bird forced to register as Megan’s Law offender after allegedly making advances at Zoey by way of singing her a lewd parody verse of the ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ song.
7. The Count Von Count should occasionally be interrupted while counting so that a third party government agency can perform an audit.
8. Any time a muppet approaches a child in a skit, said child screams “STRANGER!!!!” kicks for their groin and runs away.
9. Every time Elmo visits the psychedelic “Elmo’s World” a Sesame Street Human Resources representative is there to make him pee in a cup
10. Due to Global Warming all muppets are shaved down to their bare carcass.
BONUS: The Cookie Monster (more recently known as The Veggie Monster) finally falls victim to the Tobacco Lobby. He is known as “The Butt Monster,” and smokes a carton a week.
Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for eric.jpgEric Ruhalter lives in Morristown, New Jersey with his wife, Kara & 3 rambunctious children. Eric is the creator of The KidDicitonary – A Book of Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids. For more of his wit and wisdom, except for wisdom, amuse yourself at