Role Daddy: The V Word

A while back my wife appeared in a production of “The Vagina Monologues.” That’s right, my wife in “The Vagina Monologues.” A witty and well-done dissertation on all things Vagina. You can’t come out of one of those Vagina Monologue shows without knowing everything there is to know about vaginas. It was a great performance, but I think ultimately the best thing to come out of that whole production was how it’s empowered me to say the word “Vagina” a lot.
In that first paragraph you may have noted that I said “Vagina” 6 times. Six! That, in itself, is more times than I’ve seen the word vagina written out since I was reading scrawlings on desks at my middle school. Somehow I find saying “Vagina” very cathartic. Vagina.
Vaginas are fascinating to me. Not in a perverted sexual way. Well, maybe that too, but moreover the vagina is the portal to life! Teeny tiny microscopic sperm cell goes IN the vagina, relatively enormous living, breathing, screaming, hungry, farting mammal comes OUT of the vagina. The miraculous vagina. And it’s tremendously elastic, the vagina. And it can govern the behavior of males who are helpless in the face of its allure. And I even hear that if you’re thoroughly in tune with your vagina you can use your vagina to predict an earthquake. Wow! What a Vagina!
Surely the Vagina is worthy of our great respect. If I had a vagina, and I don’t, I would treat it with insurmountable dignity. I think there should be a holiday devoted to the celebrating the Vagina. There should be feasting, toasting, Vagina Carols, and great rejoicing, And if someone were to snidely refer to it as a “Hole-y Day,” I would surely thrash them into a coma for exhibiting a level of disrespect not befitting of the Vagina, the anatomical characteristic for whom I have the utmost respect.
Ya know, I’m not sure that, outside of my female health teacher in 8th grade, I’d ever uttered the word vagina aloud to a woman before. Somehow, though, when my wife and her friends were preparing to take the stage to perform The Vagina Monologues, I found myself perfectly comfortable urging each of them, as a derivative of the usual showbiz encouragement, to go out there and “Break a vagina.” Man did they ever. In a good way.
Thumbnail image for eric.jpgEric Ruhalter, his wife Kara, their 3 children, 2 female cats, and their vaginas live in Morristown, NJ. Eric is the creator of “The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids,” a series of hysterical gift books no one who has kids or ever was a kid should be without. Watch the video looking inside The KidDictionary series at Vagina.