Day: September 16, 2008

If you read my post yesterday, you will know that I am not too pleased about the fact that I’ve been hit up for donations one too many times by our Democratic candidate. I do want to support him in his efforts to land the hot seat in the White House, and so, I’ve come up with the following cost cutting measures that might save him some $$$ and enable him to not hit the rest of us up for cash from now until November 4.
#1 – Find out who bought the airplane that Sarah Palin auctioned off on Ebay and see if you can buy it from the owner. Then use that plane to fly to your various campaign locations.
#2 – Rent a tricked out tour bus from a country music artist who may be taking a breather between now and their next road tour. Trust me, I’ve seen Reba McEntire’s bus and it is pretty fancy!
#3 – Make a deal with an airline like American, or Jet Blue or Trans Air and board a few of their empty flights that take you to key campaign locations. Plus, Jet Blue is offering $50 off for air travel from now until November 15 – you could probably save lots of cash for you and your secret service detail and give the airlines a boost in the process.
#4 – Hitchhike. I know it’s dangerous but if you get in touch with all the people who donated money to your campaign and then asked them to give you a lift from city to city, I’d bet they’d oblige. Call it the Obama hitch a ride to the White House tour.
#5 – Take Amtrak. I don’t know about you, but when I was working in the entertainment world, I once sent an actor all the way from New York City to Los Angeles by train because he was afraid to fly. You can pretty much pick up a train in every city and again, I’m sure the PR department at Amtrak would gladly give up a few Business Class seats free of charge.
#6 – Rent a Zip Car or a Hybrid like a Prius, cram your staff inside and drive cross country. Sure it might be a tight squeeze, but what a road trip that would be!
#7 – Borrow celebrity planes. I’m sure that plenty of celebrity pilots would gladly hand over the keys to their planes to get you from Mississippi to Milwaukee. Is John Travolta a Democrat? He is a F.O.O. (friend of Oprah) so I’m sure he’d be happy to lend you his private plane.
#10 – Walk. I know it’s insane – but didn’t you love the part in “Forrest Gump” where he walks across the United States over the course of one year. Sure it took him longer than 6 weeks and yes, it was a movie, but wouldn’t it be cool to use the ankle express and get Americans to join your foot patrol?
#11 – Skype Me or do a Webcast. If you really want to reach millions of people fast, then tell us your skype address and give us a jingle. Or, you can host a webinar like Ekhart Toile or however you spell his name. A bazillion people logged onto that one and even after I bought his book, I still don’t know what he wants me to do with my life to make it better.
#12 – Appear on Saturday Night Live. I know Hurricane Ike prevented you from making it to New York, but trust me, appear on the show this weekend, have a kick ass sense of humor and you’ll get 7 million more eyeballs and possibly millions more votes. I mean McCain can’t crack a joke – you’ve at least got a leg up in that area.
#13 – Travel with a baseball team to all their games leading up to the World Series and throw out the first pitch at every single game. Mets would be preferable but I’ll understand if you choose the Cubs.
#14 – Board a cruise ship that travels to several key cities in the U.S. and help the ice sculptor for the midnight buffet create a bust in your image. Obama on ice…now that’s something I’d pay money to see.
#15 – Tour with the your favorite rock group or with another performer who happens to be hitting the cities you need to visit in order to win votes. By the way, can you sing? I mean Clinton and the saxophone went a long way. If you’re holding out on us and can actually play an instrument or sing a tune, now is your chance to win over some music lovers.
I’m sure there are plenty more suggestions but these are just a few that I think will save you millions! If anyone has any more bright ideas for Barack, please let me know. And please know – I am not singling him out – the Republicans know better not to send me Donate Now emails – I’ve already showed my cards with my posts on Sarah Palin – incidentally – favorite Facebook Group of the day which everyone should join: This Group has a larger population than Wasilla, Alaska.