Ask Single Mom Walking
Dear Single Mom Walking:
I think my boyfriend has been sleeping with his ex wife. They have two kids together, I have no kids, no ex. I asked him if he was. He said no but I'm not sure I believe him. I love him so much.
Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?
Dear Should I Stay or Should I Go Now:
I would sooner sleep with this homeless guy I saw walking down the street yesterday, his pants half way to his knees, spitting and yelling, "I'm available!" then sleep with my ex, or dine with him or even wish him a long life.
Love is so so complicated. It's easy for me to say, "well then you have no choice but to break up with him." But coming from me, it would be beyond hypocritical. I've been in love once and it took me 11 "leavings" before I really actually took off. My friends couldn't keep up. I once called one of them crying and she said, "I'm so happy for you!" even though it was to tell her that I was leaving him. It's amazing, once someone gets inside your heart how difficult it is to untangle yourself.
However, love does not conquer all. Dating a person with kids requires infinite patience, a copy of the custody schedule in every room and being okay with the fact schools, strep throat, lice, the dentist, the pediatrician, his clients, the airlines could care less what nights little Molly is supposed to spend with which parent.
Then there is the ex, in your case it's a wife. I've never heard of a clause in any marital agreement where it says that "should respondent or petitioner come to the realization that divorce blows all the way around, both spouses must reunite immediately," so at least there is that...which is doing nothing to help you feel better is it?
I'm sorry. Okay, let me ask you this, has your boyfriend ever lied to you before? Has he ever made any comments that would lead you to believe that he has feelings for her? Would you like a chocolate biscotti? (Sorry, I just got back from lunch and I just can't get it off my mind, clearly).
I would wait it out and see what happens. Love doesn't come around everyday that is for sure. In my case it took forty-five years. I only pray, I don't have to wait that long for the next one. Now that is not to say I won't continue to hold "auditions," but I still hope that very soon, I will find that one person who nails the part (the "part" being me) and sticks around at least until he loses his right to drive.
Now, if you just have to know for sure one way or the other, you could hire a private detective or stake out his house for a few nights and if he goes out follow him and see where he ends up. However, if it's gotten to that point in your relationship, I'd say move on and use all that energy to go to Trader Joes and get those chocolate biscottis! I'm telling you, they rock and they will never sleep with anyone.
Jessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman's journey through her weekly visits to her therapist's office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.
For more from Jessica Bern, visit her blog, Bern This.