So getting back to this morning.  It had totally slipped my mind that the Wii Fit training team was going to be visiting, so I got dressed, hardly put on any make-up and slipped on a pair of incredilby holy (that would mean full of holes not actually the religious kind) socks.  The trio felt so bad for me that they reached into my brand new Wii fitness tote bag and handed me a pair of socks that I could wear on the balance board.  Then my private trainer Patrice started to put me through the paces.  We warmed up with some stretches, did a little yoga moves and then I even attempted a few push ups.  Then we were ready to assume the position.  It was Wii Fit Time!

After calculating my height and age, I hopped aboard and much to my delight, I am not overweight!  However, when I tried out a basic balance test, I learned that I am as fit as a 52 year old.  For those of you who don't already know my age, I'm only 38.  Ouch.

And so, we got started.  First I had to pick a trainer - I decided to go with a female since Patrice had been so friendly during the warm-up.  We then did a few yoga exercises which I handled pretty well.  You have to work hard to stay in the zone and the balance board even shows you if you're not doing the pose correctly - that thing is friggin' ingenious. 

Moving on to the "Let's make a fool out of yourself category."  I hopped right into the aerobics portion of the routine with the Hula Hoop game.  Move your hips in a wide circular motion and catch as many hula hoops as you can without being bopped in the head by one of them.   After a few tries, I actually got the hang of it and lasted about a minute rocking my hips all over the place.  I can only imagine the laugh these trainers got when they hopped back into their town car and hit the Big Apple.

But wait, there was more.  As my Wii Fit bank calculated how much exercise I had completed - 6 minutes for the day...go me - it was then time to try out a little balance training with some ski jumps.  While the trainers assured me that no one usually lands on their feet the first time around, I was determined to redeem myself.  And guess, what? I did!  I landed on my feet both times and during the second jump, I soared nearly 122 imaginary feet in the air!  What a head rush!

So before I knew it, my time with the Wii Fit team was over.  But they left me with a wonderful parting gift...my very own Wii Fit.  Now I can use it to set up my weight loss and fitness goals - I'm determined to be my own fitness age by at least July.  I can even program how much weight I'd like to lose and the Wii Fit will tell me how much exercise I'll need to complete to look halfway decent for bathing suit weather.  While I'm contemplating giving it another whirl tonight, I think I may opt for something a little more relaxing since I caught a head cold from my daughter earlier in the week.  Lucky for me, it's like Christmas around the Feldman household.  I received a box from Hachette Publishing filled with a dozen books from authors like James Patterson, Arianna Huffington, Kim Catrall (hello Sex & The City) and many many more!  So now here's my dilemma - work out or curl up with a book on the couch?  That is the burning question.

A big thank you to the Nintendo team for making me feel like a million bucks today and for those of you wondering when you can get your hands on this priceless treasure, then set May 19 in your calendar.  That's when the Wii Fit officially arrives in stores.  Or, if you'd like to come over and give it a whirl, maybe I'll let you use it...psych!

Incidentally, I actually recorded video of myself trying out the Wii but by some strange stroke of luck, my Flip camera refuses to let me load it up to my computer.  And so, you'll just have to imagine me looking like a fool today and if you run into Patrice and those two awesome Wii Fit reps, they can tell you yourself!

In light of Hell's Kitchen star Gordon Ramsay's recent admission that his son has picked up the art of cursing straight from him, we figured it would be a good idea to share a chapter from our book devoted to potty mouth training.  Hope Gordon can pick up a few tips (and chuckles) along the way!

Potty Mouth Training--The process by which a foul-mouthed, four-letter-word loving woman finally realizes that her potty mouth is like the embarrassing hairstyle that haunts her every time she opens her yearbook . . . sadly outdated, slightly toxic, and an environmental hazard. She decides to clean up her potty mouth and learn to speak the universal language of mommy. For some, the transition is effortless (we don't know any of these women). For others, it's a much more slow and painful process as they lose words like shit and damn from their vocabulary and replace them with more child friendly versions--poop and darn.

There's no doubt about it, as mothers, we're obsessed with potty training. We buy videos, DVDs, and books, spend a small fortune on pull-ups and portable potties, and, if we've really gone over the edge, even break into a song and dance routine when our toddlers manage a poopy in the potty. (Admit it--you know you did it at least once or twice.)

As fascinated as we are by the traditional type of potty training, there's another kind that's forgotten about, never written about, and quite simply, never even acknowledged. Frankly, we feel it's much more challenging than teaching your child to make a doo doo in the talking potty you spent $29.99 on. As parents, we're the ones who need a little help in this area. By the time we need to be potty mouth trained, we're sleep-deprived, overwhelmed, overworked, and exhausted. Learn a new language, yeah, add it to my to-do list. But trust us on this one, it's a to-do that must be done.

If you're new to the mommy game, you probably think you have some time before your little angel starts picking up her mommy's devilish dialogue and you need to start cleaning up your act (as well as ten diapers a day). Guess again. Get on the potty mouth program before it's too late. Just because that beautiful little baby of yours can't speak yet doesn't mean she's not hearing every single curse that comes streaming out of your mouth. And, trust us, she's saving up to spit it back out just when it will embarrass you the most.

It happened to our friend Endria. Picture the scene. Endria, a real estate broker, driving through traffic with her client beside her in the front seat and her two-year-old, Christina, strapped in the back. The women are chatting about business, the baby is playing with her toys, and suddenly, a car cuts them off.

Beep beep--Endria honks her horn.
"Asshole," chimes in Christina from the back seat.
Since infancy, Christina must have witnessed that same scenario dozens of times but never repeated it. No, why waste this zinger on family or friends? Let's wait until mommy is doing business in the car to bust out with this wonderful new word.

Mary Poppins for the New Millennium
"Just a spoonful of sugar makes the expletives go down."

The sugar substitute. By far, the most important aspect of potty mouth training is the use of the sugar substitute. We're not talking Splenda or Sweet'N Low here, although we're sure you use those, too. No, we're talking about your filthy little four-letter word fixation. Maybe it's a work thing; we know how adrenaline-charged offices like newsrooms breed bad language.

"She missed her deadline, shit!" "What do you mean your piece is 15 seconds over, damn it!" But once you become a mom, you quickly realize that there is nothing cute about a four-year-old saying the F word.

Remember when you dropped the F bomb after spilling coffee on your freshly pressed white blouse, just as you were running out the door, late again, for a big meeting? Well, that little scenario left more than just a stain. Jimmy was listening, and now he thinks it's show and tell time with his new word.

And so you succumb to using the sugar substitute. That is, substituting "sugar" or some other child friendly word for your favorite little naughty nuggets.
You take your children out for a day of errands and some idiot in an Audi cuts you off on the highway. You no longer yell, "ass," you simply shout "sugar."
The pimply faced kid at the fast food restaurant forgets your fries? You quickly ban "damn" from your vocabulary and dole out a healthy heaping of "darn it."

Just like the other pre-packaged placebos, these sugar substitutes do come with a warning.

Be very careful when and how you use them. Although we don't necessarily condone cursing at home, we accept that sometimes at the office nothing does the trick like a tried and true blue streak. Just think how your staff would respond to you admonishing them by saying, "You came in $10,000 over budget? That's stinky." Some new hire with a big chip on his shoulder takes credit for your idea and you stand up and confront him in a meeting yelling, "You're full of poop!" Nope, that simply won't do. In that case, you can bet your ASS we won't be reaching for the sugar substitute.

Censor Thyself: When Your Kids Think They're Gossip Columnists
As a publicist and television producer, we're in the business of making celebrities look good. It's not in our best interest to slam a star because, in the end, negative press will inevitably bite you in the ass--oops, we mean tushy. Although we do have plenty of tales to tell about some nasty personal publicist or demanding actress whose requests exceeded the national budget of Mozambique, we keep those juicy tidbits to ourselves and never utter a word to gossip columnists, who are always on the prowl for a mean-spirited exclusive that is sure to embarrass their celebrity prey.

But at the end of the day, when we head home, somehow that permanent zipper on our lips bursts open and we start spewing our true feelings with those around us, bashing friends, colleagues, and PTA moms in our wake.

Even though you may want to let loose, beware of what you say. Our kids may not work for Page Six, but they might as well be on the payroll. And as the saying goes, loose lips sink ships.

Want to chat about how chunky your neighbor's been looking lately? Wait until the kids are in bed. Can't wait to dish about the messy divorce going on down the street? If the kids are around, don't even think about it. And if you're planning on replacing your babysitter, by all means don't mention it to Junior--he's sure to tell Nanny and she's sure to call in sick at 6 a.m. And, whatever you do, do not, we repeat, do not bitch and moan about other kids in front of your children.

Case in point: Your child tells you that her friend's older brother smacked her in the head during a playdate while her little playmate just stood there pointing and laughing.
Your blood will be boiling at this point, steam coming out of your ears, and your maternal instinct to kill those little bastards will be taking over.
Stop.
Think before you respond.
Don't start going on a tirade about what devious monsters those children are because, if you do, rest assured that while you're in the office, your own little Liz Smith will share your commentary with her friend's mom the very next day. Trust us, this really happened to one of us, and as a result, we can't even walk into a room without getting icy stares from that mother who sometimes whispers and points in our direction whenever she thinks we're not looking. Newsflash! We see you. We're just too embarrassed to say we're sorry if we offended you and your two little demons.

When we decided to write this book, we promised to be honest. We swore to tell it like it is and not sugarcoat our experiences as working mothers--except for the sugar substitute, of course. We have a confession to make. As much as we truly believe in the need to potty mouth train, there are times that we do actually, intentionally, use bad language in front of our kids. Yes, Yvette is the guilty one here. But we can assure you, her unconventional methods are motivated by a higher cause.

It's All Greek to Me . . . Cursing for a Cause
Yvette's Confession
I am guilty of teaching my children bad language. For our family, bad words aren't always reasons to give time-outs; sometimes, they're teaching tools.

I grew up bilingual, a first generation American in a Greek household. I want my children to grow up bilingual, to understand their Greek heritage and culture. We speak Greek at home and Christiana and Nicholas understand everything--getting them to speak Greek, that's another story.

I did everything humanly possible. We would sing songs, tell stories, and read books, whatever I could do to expose them to the language. They loved every minute of it, but at the end of the day, I would ask them a question in Greek and they would respond in English. It drove me crazy.

So, when everything else seemed to fail, I did the unthinkable. I thought of the one thing that would make my children speak the language of the Gods, some good old gutter talk.
It hit me one day in the grocery store, when the produce wasn't up to par. I leaned over and said, "Christiana, those cherries look like skata (shit)."
Christiana looked at me like I was nuts. (Gasp) "Mommy, that's a bad word."
"I know, Koukla (doll), but I said it in Greek so nobody here knows what we're talking about. Isn't it great to have our own private language that we can tell secrets in?"
That's all it took.

Give a four-year-old a secret and she's yours forever. Now, both of my children will switch effortlessly back and forth from Greek to English. When I want them to speak Greek, I slip in something slightly naughty and they're mine.

Family Potty Mouth Training
Now, just when you think you have your potty mouth training under control comes yet another complication, the family. That's right, as if we didn't have enough to worry about already, we soon find the rest of the family needs to be potty mouth trained as well. And as Beth found out, sometimes they're the toughest ones to tackle.

Grandpa Fixit's Foul Mouth
Beth's Dad Does It Again
My father is a prime example of an adult who is oblivious to the fact that his two impressionable grandchildren are always in earshot when he yells out profanities after stubbing his big toe on the coffee table. Or when someone cuts him off in traffic, he yells "son of a bitch," not realizing that the two parrots in the back seat have just learned a new phrase. In high-pitched voices they squeal in delight, "Son of a bitch, son of a bitch!"

You see, it's quite hard for a sixty-five--year-old man to watch what he says in front of our children--he's been uttering these phrases since I was a child. In fact, some of my most memorable moments with my dad happened back in the 1970s when he tried to make our Plymouth Grand Fury start by swatting the steering wheel and shouting "Son of a bitch!" After the car started with those magical words, I was convinced that all it took was a curse to start cars, dishwashers, lawn mowers, and washing machines--if an appliance was on the fritz, just yell out "shit" and it started up again.

So Grandpa Fixit, as we like to call him, has now had a crash course in potty mouth training. Every time he utters the "S" word, he gets admonished by his granddaughter, who advises that he better watch what he says or else Grandma will give him a time-out.

Ewwww . . . How Insults Can Do More Damage Than Four-Letter Words
Beth's Story
I never realized how the word "ewwww" could be completely insulting and embarrassing until my seven-year-old used it on two different occasions while commenting on the unsightly physique of two unsuspecting adults. The first was a good friend of ours who had packed on a few extra pounds over the years and thought nothing of walking around a vacation house we shared with him without his shirt on. Unfortunately, this fashion choice left him in the direct line of fire of my daughter, who stared at his oversized belly and exclaimed "EWWWWWWW!!!!" Lucky for us, he made light of the situation.

Unlucky for us was the day we forgot to tell our daughter not to use that word when the windows of our minivan were wide open and our neighbor was doing some shirtless tree pruning. Out of nowhere, we heard the infamous insult fly out of her mouth, "EWWWWW!!!" and when we looked over at our neighbor whose back hair was standing on end while he stared angrily in our direction, we rolled up the windows and tore out of sight. Actually, we parked the car, sent our daughter to her room, and then instructed her to write fifty times that she won't insult another person ever again.

Role Mommy Reality Check
There's much more to potty mouth training then just minding those four-letter words. When we're at work, we can't censor what our children are hearing from that nasty little kid swinging from the monkey bars or from the soap opera that our babysitter left on while she was making lunch. What we can do is instruct our kids that swearing and name calling can be hurtful. Just ask Beth, who still has painful flashbacks to being labeled Stubby Beth in the fourth grade. We all know that cursing may be an inevitable right of passage for our children, but insults should always be left at the curb.

POTTY MOUTH 101
Ass = Tush
Shit = Poop
Damn = Darn
Hell = Heck
F*** = Fudge
Son of a bitch = Sugar
Asshole = Butthead
Moron = Silly guy
Idiot = Silly guy
Schmuck = Schmegeggie

Potty Mouth Odometer/A Guide to Cursing in Your Car

Damn
You miss your exit on the highway

A**
Someone cuts you off in traffic

Putz
The same guy who cut you off gets pulled over by the cops

Crap
You roll through a stop sign and get pulled over by the same cop who pulled over the putz.

S**t
A Happy Meal toy rolls under your brake pedal

Son of a bitch
You're on a conference call while driving (using a headset of course) and the coffee cover you thought was placed on your drink pops off and saturates the outfit that just came back from the cleaners.

F***
You accidentally drop the contents of a chocolate milk container into your $300 designer bag.

Copyright © 2008 by Beth Feldman and Yvette Manessis Corporon
Cover and internal design © 2008 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Cover photo credit © Design-her Gals
Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems--except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews--without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.

If you want to read more from Peeing in Peace, then buy our book!  Click here to find us on Amazon today!

Treat mom to these fanciful finds on her special day...With Mother's Day around the corner, it's time to start thinking about gifts for this important occasion!  From necklaces that add a personal touch to tote bags with style, these gift ideas will surely be favorites on May 11^th. 

 *Due to the customization of this item, please allow 2-3 weeks for shipping.

www.threelovelies.com - The perfect gift for mom, this personalized necklace at Three Lovelies allows you to mix and match monogrammed charms to create your own style. The necklace comes with two gold charms - choose from any letter A to Z, to represent mom's initials or the initials of her loved ones. Also available are MOM, LOVE and four-leaf clover specialty charms that can be added to initials or worn individually. Consider it a trendy badge of honor for mom! $65.00, specialty charms sold separately for $20.00 each. 

 *Due to the customization of this item, please allow 2-3 weeks for shipping. 

MomAgenda -  Organizing multiple schedules can be difficult, so help mom (and family!) by giving her this fabulous kitchen folio by momAgenda.  Soon to

Petite Prints Mom can now take her kids with her wherever she goes, literally.  With everyone carrying around monogrammed tote bags nowadays, mix it up by choosing this silhouette boat tote by Petite Prints.  The site makes it easy by offering tips on taking and submitting photos, all you have to do is email your favorite silhouettes (up to five per tote bag).  The tote features triple thick 18oz. handles, side-slip pockets for easy to retrieve items and clean finished seams for a classic appearance.  Available in navy and red.  $50.00.

* Due to the customization of this item, please allow 2-3 weeks for shipping.

Goatboy Soaps - Family-owned and operated, Goatboy Soaps uses only natural ingredients including fresh whole goat milk (from their own goats!), olive oil, coconut oil, palm oil and shea butter. With dozens of scents to choose from, treat mom to this Goatboy gift set, it includes two bars of soap, one molded soap, a wooden soap dish, two lip balms and a lotion. This relaxing gift is sure to ease all of her stresses away. $32.95.

Our participants and their children range from actresses, to writers, to mompreneurs to philanthropists to fitness gurus. Inspiring moms and their kids include:

SHEA KELLY & MARISSA: Shea Kelly, a single mom who is truly living the real life "Baby Boom." After a life-threatening home invasion, Shea made drastic changes in her life - moving to the west coast, adopting a baby and ditching her high powered job at Hewlett Packard to become a mompreneur. Shea is the creator of DaBib, a product that is literally cleaning up with babies.

ALISON SINGER & JODIE: Alison Singer, Executive Vice President of Autism Speaks who reinvented her life after her daughter Jodie was diagnosed with autism at age two and a half. Alison was previously a television news producer but chose to leave her position to help make a difference in the lives of parents and children battling autism and will be participating in the fashion show along with Jodie.

DIANNA FELDMAN, SAMANTHA & AMANDA: Dianna Feldman, the great looking half of a couplepreneur, who along with her husband Mike, run the popular fashion website Top Button.com which has nearly 1 million subscribers. Dianna, who immigrated to New York from Russia, is proof positive that it is possible to pursue your dreams while being a mom - especially when you're husband is your business partner.

YVONNA WRIGHT, LOLA & MARLEY: By day, soap opera fans might know Yvonna as gorgeous lawyer/doctor Mel Boudreau Bauer on the hit CBS daytime drama "Guiding Light." Now a mom of two adorable girls, Yvonna is no stranger to the catwalk - having modeled with the famous Wilhelmina Agency in New York City (pictured right).

BEVERLEY CAEN & GABBY: Bev Caen is managing to balance a dual career as a Wall Street recruiter and author of the popular Sane Fitness and Sane Fitness Preggers series (www.sanefit.com).

KIM ORLANDO & SOPHIA: Kim Orlando is the founder of TravelingMom.com, a website that celebrates moms from all over the world as they travel for work, escape, retreat and with their families.

TRACY BECKERMAN & EMILY: Tracy Beckerman writes the syndicated humor column LOST in SUBURBIA, which is carried by over 50 newspapers to over 800,000 readers weekly. In her past life, she worked in the television industry. She's also author of the new book, Rebel Without a Minivan.

TATIANA BONCOMPAGNI, ENRICO & VALENTINO: Tatiana Boncompagni is a New York City based writer. Her articles on beauty fashion, shopping and social trends have appeared in the New York Times, Financial Times, The Wall Street Journal, InStyle, Cookie and Vogue magazines. Her first novel, Gilded Lily will be published in 2008 by Avon Books, a division of HarperCollins.

NANCY RABINOWITZ FRIEDMAN & RACHEL: Nancy Rabinowitz Friedman is a freelance writer living in New York City. As a television producer for clients such as HBO, Lifetime, A&E, Disney Channel and ESPN, she has won several industry awards. Her work has been published online at The Imperfect Parent, in print in Brain Child, and in the literary anthologies The Bigger, the Better and The Knitters Gift. She's currently working on a book of comic essays tentatively titled, Ageless Body, Timeless Mom.

JESSICA CIOSEK & AVA: Jessica Ciosek lives in lower Manhattan with her husband and two children. Jessica is a mom blogger (NYC Moms Blog), freelance writer and is currently working on a novel.

AMY OZTAN, JAKE & FIONA: Amy Oztan is a stay at home mom who spends her time juggling her kids' busy schedules along with her passion for writing and performing. She writes for many blogs including NYC Moms.

AMANDA MAY & ELLA: Amanda is a WACM (Work at Coffee Shop Mom), having traded in her day job at a national women's magazine for the freelance world.

YVETTE SEGAL & BENNETT: Yvette Segal is a mom of two and founder of www.mykidsregistry.com, a kids wishlist community. Yvette decided after 17 years in the fashion industry that it was time to become the entrepreneur she always dreamed of being and launched her business in 2007.

MARY WARREN & AZRI: Mary Warren is a freelance writer and blogger living in Brooklyn, NY with her adorable boy child. She teaches writing at Medgar Evers College and her obsessions about food and life can be found online at NY Metroparents.

TANYA BURKE & KALYANI: Tanya Burke has moved to New York as a full time mom and part time writer after serving as a diplomat in Timor Leste. Tanya trained as a pilot and a teacher and has tried everything from wilderness education to acrobatics in the circus. Her many career turns inspired her first book, Waiting for Marley. She's currently at work on her second book

MONICA DREGER & MELINA: Monica moved here four years ago from Greece with her husband and daughter when she was 5 months old. Monica's husband, a business consultant and enterpreneur moved the family over for business reasons but since then has fallen in love with New York City. Monica is working for Unilever as a Consumer Insights Director on the DOVE campaign which promotes real beauty. Recently, she had a baby boy, Emmanuel who is just four months old!

Today, Role Mommy got an exclusive blogger opportunity to interview one of our all time favorite singing duos ever - Donny and Marie! The Osmonds, who are rehearsing for an upcoming international tour with their brothers, as well as a much-anticipated Las Vegas show, are hosting the NBC television special "America's Favorite Mom" sponsored by Teleflora and Redbook which will air on Mother's Day, Sunday, May 11 at 7 pm Eastern/6 Central. Moms from all across the country will be honored on the show (except for Role Mommy since no one except for my parents voted for me) and videos of the lucky semi-finalists will start airing this Monday on the Today show where you can vote for your favorites on NBC.com.

During the call, Donny said that the decision to host the show was a simple one. "This is such a special day for us because we love our mother so much and it's pretty significant for us because she passed away on Mother's Day four years ago."

"Mothers are the nucleus of life and I believe that this kind of honor is really something we need to do," Marie added. "I'm a mom of eight and I've done Olympic shows, I've done inaugurations, I've done television shows, but being a mom is the most difficult and rewarding job out there. Kids don't come home to their video games, they come home to their moms."

Well, my kids actually come home to me and then we play video games together...anyone up for Guitar Hero? But I digress...tune into the Today Show on Monday where Donny and Marie will reveal the mom semi-finalists and then you can start voting online so your favorite mom can continue onto the final round on "Teleflora Presents America's Favorite Mom" prime-time special and ultimately, win this prestigious title and loads of exciting prizes.