Role Daddy

The (D)ad List of Banned Dr. Seuss Books

In honor of the Late Dr. Seuss's Birthday, Role Daddy Eric Ruhalter pays tribute to some of his lesser known works, with the (D)ad List of Banned Dr. Seuss Books:

GREEN EGGS, HAM AND FUNNY CIGARETTES

THE CAT IN THE HAT COMES BACK TO SILENCE ANY WITNESSES

2 THINGS , 1 CUP

HOW THE GRINCH ACQUIRED ARMS-GRADE URANIUM

YERTLE THE TRANSGENDER TURTLE

AND TO THINK THAT I TURNED TRICKS ON MULBERRY STREET

HORTON SNIFFS SOME GLUE

MCELLIGOT'S POOL OF UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANT WORKERS

THE STAR BELLY SNEETCHES RIOT IN PRISON AND OTHER STORIES

THIDWICK THE BIG HEARTED MOOSE'S PONZI SCHEME

OH, THE PLACES YOU'LL GO RUNNING NUMBERS!

THE LORAX CAN'T LIVE WITHIN 500 FEET OF A SCHOOL

MARVIN K. MOONEY WILL YOU PLEASE TEXT A NAKED PICTURE OF YOURSELF?!

Eric Ruhalter lives in Morristown, New Jersey with his wife, Kara & 3 rambunctious children. Eric is the creator of The KidDicitonary - A Book of Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids. For more of his wit and wisdom, except for wisdom, amuse yourself at www.TheKidDictionary.com.

Posted in: Role Daddy on 03/02/2011

Role Daddy: An Interview with Jack Black

By Role Mommy West Coast Correspondent, Kristin Flannery

When I first met Jack Black, who was promoting his new film "Gulliver's Travels," I expected he'd be wild and crazy, but instead, was pleasantly surprised to find a soft spoken family man who sat down and talked about everything from playing with dolls, to paparazzi hiding in the bushes, to shooting pictures of his kids at the park.

Jack plays the lead role and serves as executive producer of Gulliver's Travels, which opens nationwide in theaters Christmas Day, December 25. Jack has two boys, ages 2 and 4 and says he's tried to shield them from his fame but his older son is starting to recognize his voice in movies and recently asked "does everyone know you?"

Another interesting Jack Black tidbit...he's not embarrassed to play with dolls. I admitted that at one point in the movie I really believed he was talking to the actors playing little people. "Well, it doesn't sound like real professional actor preparation, but I do play with a lot of toys to get ready for the giant and tiny person relationships," says Black. "Luckily I had a bunch of toys at home, because my kids have them everywhere."

While he had not seen any of the Gulliver's Travels films, Black says he read the classic Gulliver's Travels novel when he was approached about the project by John Davis. While they incorporate the theme of the book in the film, Jack shares how they worked to expand on the book's messages. "That's a theme that we thought would be great that's not really in the book. Since it deals with, a giant and tiny people, we thought it would be cool to have that insecurity theme about being a small person in a big man's world and being, insecure about being lost in the shuffle. And I think that ties in really well with kids' insecurities about being the little guys and wanting so desperately to be big, famous heroes."

When asked if he would choose to live in the imaginary land of Lilliput, Jack was torn, "In a way, it's an ideal society. But, as you said, everyone takes your word as truth. That's why he's able to get away with making up this elaborate story about himself, because everyone just says, "Yeah, he said it. It must be true."" But, it's a fun place for an adventure. But, no, I wouldn't want to live there."

Since every kid can't be transported to a fantasyland, is there a way that people can reinvent themselves in their own lives? Black responded "It's always a slow journey of self-discovery. That's what it's all about. The reason this role resonated with me was I remember being a kid and wanting so desperately to be special and wanting to be bigger than I was."

Now that he's a father, Black says he consciously chooses different movie roles. He says, "I do think about it more now that I have the boys. I think about having movies that they can see, you know, in the next 20 years as opposed to having to keep it on the shelf."

While we thought Jack Black did an amazing job in Gulliver's Travels, he ended the interview by paying our roundtable a huge compliment. "Man, I wasn't ready for these great questions. You guys asked some great stuff."

More fun interviews to come...in the meantime, check out theofficial Gulliver's Travels website for more great previews! And comment now and enter to win an autographed poster from the stars of the film!

Posted in: Blog, Role Daddy, Role Mommy Recommends, TV on 12/16/2010

THE (d.a.)D-LIST by Eric Ruhalter

THE DAD LIST OF KIDS GAMES THAT PARENTS SHOULD DISCOURAGE THEIR CHILDREN FROM PLAYING

1. 1-2-3 SMOKE!
2. Hide and Go Seek a Meeting with a Stranger You Met Online
3. Pin the Tail on Your Mama
4. Hot Potato Fried in Trans-fatty Beef Lard
5. Taser Tag
6. Dodgerock
7. Kick the Keg
8. Chutes and Ladders and Matches
9. Junkie in the Middle
10. I Spy: Through the Bedroom Window of the Young Couple Next Door

Eric Ruhalter just released the second volume of his funny gift book for parents: *The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids.* Take a hysterical look inside it in the videos at www.TheKidDictionary.com. Looking's always free. Eric lives in Morristown, NJ with his wife Kara and 3 vocabulary-defying children.

Posted in: Blog, Role Daddy on 10/01/2010

(da)D-List of Signs It's Time For Kids to Go Back to School

The latest hilarious D-list for parents from The Kid Dictionary author and dad, Eric Ruhalter...

1. Mom's voice no longer registers in kids' ears.

2. Every family member has consumed twice their body weight in Hamburgers and Hot Dogs. And Freez-Pops are under consideration to become their own food group.

3. Kids now so bored with the pool that they'd rather go clothes shopping.

4. Food left in lunch box since June has grown into a large furry purple organism that is pushing open the pantry doors.

5. The ice cream man has taken in 10% of parents' combined annual salaries.

6. All school summer reading materials have been ignored, lost, replaced and ignored and lost again.

7. Children now so tan that chocolate ice cream (purchased from the wealthy ice cream man) is no longer noticeable when they get it all over their faces.

8. Lack of intellectual stimulation has rendered kids incapable following the plot of a Sponge Bob episode.

9. Kids just finally getting used to sleeping in enough that catching the morning school bus will be a problem.

10. Mom is standing on the edge of the roof, ranting unintelligibly, wearing nothing but an inner tube, a faux fox fur boa and a conquistador helmet, and swinging a dead trout in circles over her head.

Eric Ruhalter is the creator of funny gift book series for parents: "The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids." Take a hysterical look inside them by watching the videos at www.TheKidDictionary.com. Looking's always free. Eric lives in Morristown, NJ with his wife Kara and 3 vocabulary-defying children. Eric Recently won the Morristown Green Film Festival with his short "Good For the Earth"

Posted in: Blog, Role Daddy on 08/31/2010

THE (da)D-LIST Of: Things You learn as a Father in the Summer.

The latest hilarious D(ad) list by Role Daddy Eric Ruhalter

1. Days that are 100 Degrees aren't much different from days that are Zero degrees. Your kids are cooped up inside and at each others' throats.

2. The Ice Cream Man wields a hell of a lot more authority than any parent.

3. When you're at the public swimming pool, the warmer temperature in the kiddie pool definitely has nothing to do with the fact that it's shallower.

4. The laughter of innocent children chasing fireflies is somehow mired when you take into account the mass firefly slaughter statistics.

5. That familiar scent of home in the summer time? That scent is FEET!

6. There's No School!

7. Central air conditioning on a stifling hot July Day is the closest thing to heaven on this earth.

8. Kids are always going to give you a tough time when you try to put them to bed while it's still light out.

9. In the winter one bath every day seems excessive. In the summer it seems insufficient.

10. When you tell your kids to stay out of the poison ivy, and they don't listen, and you tell them, "I told you to stay out of the poison ivy and you didn't listen, so don't come to me when you're all itchy!" They're still going to come to you when they're all itchy.

Eric Ruhalter just released the second volume of his funny gift book for parents: "The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids." Take a hysterical look inside it in the videos at www.TheKidDictionary.com. Looking's always free. Eric lives in Morristown, NJ with his wife Kara and 3 vocabulary-defying children.

Posted in: Blog, Role Daddy on 08/02/2010

Role Daddy: The Ice Cream Man

When I was a kid I LOVED the Ice cream man. I wanted to BE the ice cream man. I loved the little change counter thing he wore on his belt, the big white festive truck alight with colors and lights and menu boards chock full of tasty looking pieces of frozen heaven on sticks. And all these treats were right there at their disposal, neatly tucked away into the magical freezer chests that are all over the back of the truck. And he, the omniscient Ice cream man knows exactly which chest each of the treats live in. He's clad head to toe in white with little accents of black around his belt and around the brim of his hat. A man in uniform. The music would play announcing his coming, like the regal entrance of a prince to his coronation. Majestic. Festive. Fun - The ice cream truck.

As a parent? I FREAKIN' HATE the ice cream truck! HATE! HATE HATE HATE!! It's about the biggest instigator of discord in all my family. I think he's following me around, knows my schedule with the kids and our standard meal times and does everything he possibly can to accost us right before lunch and dinner almost every day from May through August each year. He sneaks up on us, too. You're about to try and get your kid seated before a plate of good-for-you lightly-steamed vegetables when this truck comes darting up filled with Chipwiches. It is not complementary to the mission. It is a disaster. And I take offense to it.

I don't like commercial entities, like the ice cream man, that subsist by pitting child against parent. They bet on the will of the children to come out ahead. That's who they're pandering to. If they wanted the approval of the parent they'd only come at... well, they wouldn't come at all. And that's not a good business model.

On top of the poor nutritional options afforded our children by the ice cream truck it's a complete rip off. What you pay for an ice cream treat could almost buy you a whole box of the same treat at the super market. (and there's a supermarket a block away from my house.)
Box of ice cream sandwiches 4 dollars. One ice cream sandwich from the ice cream man - $3.50

But maybe we're paying for "the atmosphere" and the convenience of home delivery. But that still doesn't appeal to me. Appeals like crazy to my kids evidently. But as far as I'm concerned - Hey! Ice Cream Man! I've got your bomb pop, right here!

Posted in: Blog, Role Daddy on 07/13/2010

THE (da)D LIST OF JUNKFOOD YOU SHOULD TAKE SPECIAL CARE TO AVOID

With transfats and high fructose corn syrup and other evil ingredients, there are way too many unhealthy food items for sale that are unconscionably marketed to our children. But, though they may receive less press, there are even MORE dangerous and unsanitary snacks on the market just waiting to be consumed by our youth. See below for the D(ad) List of Junkfood items you should take special care to keep away from your children.

TOE-CHEEZ DOODLES

REESE'S PROTECTIVE CUP

BUTTFINGER

KIT SKAT

CINNAMON ASBES-TOAST CRUNCH

GOOD 'N PLASTIC

TICKS TACS

BIT O' ARSENIC

SUGAR SCABIES

LEPER-SKIN PATTY

THREE PUS-KETEERS BAR

LICE KRISPIE TREATS

SNO CRAPS

Posted in: Blog, Role Daddy on 05/07/2010

The D(ad) List of Theme Park Thrill Rides to Avoid This Summer

1. THE SWINE FLUME

2. THE JAGGED DERAILER

3. THE EJECTOR CARS

3. MACE MOUNTAIN

4. THE UNINSPECTED BEAST

5. THE WEE MACHINE

6. HURLING THUNDER

7. WEDGIE-BUNGEE!!

8. THROE OF DEATH

9. THE HERNIATED DISCO COASTER

10. THE SHITCHERPANTZ

11. SEISURE-ASAURUS

Eric Ruhalter just released the second volume of his funny gift book for parents: "The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids." Take a hysterical look inside it in the videos at www.TheKidDictionary.com. Looking's always free. Eric lives in Morristown, NJ with his wife Kara and 3 vocabulary-defying children.

Posted in: Blog, Role Daddy, TV on 04/17/2010

Role Daddy: Kids With Spring Fever Need First (Lemon) Ade

It's a childhood classic, The Lemonade stand. Last weekend, the first real warm days of Spring 2010, my kids approached their mother and I, asking if they could set up a Lemonade stand. Sure, why not. So their mom got to baking and mixing up a few pitchers of Newman's Lemonade, while they stood entirely too close to her and repeatedly asked her if they were ready yet.

Then they started talking price. Their first notion was to charge exorbitant sums of money for their wares. $10 for lemonade, $20 for a brownie. After all, that way they could sell 2 cups of lemonade and 1 brownie and have a pretty substantial net profit. Thusly allowing them to polish off the rest of the lemonade and brownies themselves with their pockets fat with cash. But we talked them through their faulty understanding of Supply and Demand and ultimately settled on 25 cents per glass of lemonade, 50 cents per brownie. Very reasonable. Especially since their overhead came, not out of their piggy banks, but out of our grocery bill.

Next we set up shop. We made a table out of a piece of plywood and two saw horses. The cash till, a dirty bucket from the sandbox, sat on one side of the table. The brownies and pitcher of lemonade sat in the middle. They made large illustrative signs to lure in their customers who might be driving, walking or bicycling by. Though, like police checkpoints, they should be forced to post notice of their lemonade stand in the papers to warn people. Some might want to alter their route to avoid this lemonade stand. Lots of pressure. The second a car or pedestrian or bicyclist dared to set foot on our street, the harassment began - "LEMONAAAAAADE!!!!! AND BROWNIES!!!!! BUY SOME LEMONADE!!!! AND BROWNIES!!!!!!!" All up in everyone's grill like a Krishna at the airport.

Their kill ratio was high. Most people like a good cup of lemonade and a brownie. And everyone else is probably willing to flip them a quarter in order to shut them up.
Crosby, my 8 year old set out to stroll the neighborhood's adjacent streets to alert every resident about his lemonade stand. And he did so with one hand up his nose and the other down his pants. Somehow, they came out in droves anyway. When all was said and done they had more than 40 bucks in their till. Not a bad haul. Show me a grownup who can sell that many brownies with his hand in his pants.

I think that large corporations should take note of this phenomenon - People will buy anything from a kid. The Girl Scouts organization is definitely hip to this, but perhaps some brokerage on Wall St. should follow the lead and see what happens if they set up a first-grader to make cold calls.

Eric Ruhalter Just released his hilarious new gift book - "The KidDictionary Volume 2: More Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids." His kids are selling it at www.TheKidDictionary.com. Go there and watch the funny videos that look inside this indispensable work of literature.

Posted in: Blog, Role Daddy on 04/08/2010

Role Daddy: The V Word

A while back my wife appeared in a production of "The Vagina Monologues." That's right, my wife in "The Vagina Monologues." A witty and well-done dissertation on all things Vagina. You can't come out of one of those Vagina Monologue shows without knowing everything there is to know about vaginas. It was a great performance, but I think ultimately the best thing to come out of that whole production was how it's empowered me to say the word "Vagina" a lot.

In that first paragraph you may have noted that I said "Vagina" 6 times. Six! That, in itself, is more times than I've seen the word vagina written out since I was reading scrawlings on desks at my middle school. Somehow I find saying "Vagina" very cathartic. Vagina.

Vaginas are fascinating to me. Not in a perverted sexual way. Well, maybe that too, but moreover the vagina is the portal to life! Teeny tiny microscopic sperm cell goes IN the vagina, relatively enormous living, breathing, screaming, hungry, farting mammal comes OUT of the vagina. The miraculous vagina. And it's tremendously elastic, the vagina. And it can govern the behavior of males who are helpless in the face of its allure. And I even hear that if you're thoroughly in tune with your vagina you can use your vagina to predict an earthquake. Wow! What a Vagina!

Surely the Vagina is worthy of our great respect. If I had a vagina, and I don't, I would treat it with insurmountable dignity. I think there should be a holiday devoted to the celebrating the Vagina. There should be feasting, toasting, Vagina Carols, and great rejoicing, And if someone were to snidely refer to it as a "Hole-y Day," I would surely thrash them into a coma for exhibiting a level of disrespect not befitting of the Vagina, the anatomical characteristic for whom I have the utmost respect.

Ya know, I'm not sure that, outside of my female health teacher in 8th grade, I'd ever uttered the word vagina aloud to a woman before. Somehow, though, when my wife and her friends were preparing to take the stage to perform The Vagina Monologues, I found myself perfectly comfortable urging each of them, as a derivative of the usual showbiz encouragement, to go out there and "Break a vagina." Man did they ever. In a good way.

Vagina.

Eric Ruhalter, his wife Kara, their 3 children, 2 female cats, and their vaginas live in Morristown, NJ. Eric is the creator of "The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids," a series of hysterical gift books no one who has kids or ever was a kid should be without. Watch the video looking inside The KidDictionary series at www.TheKidDictionary.com. Vagina.

Posted in: Blog, Role Daddy on 03/13/2010

Older Entries

02/11/2010: The D(ad) List: Things You Shouldn't Say to Your Pregnant Wife

02/09/2010: Role Daddy: Hammer Toe

02/03/2010: The D(ad) List: Slogans Rejected by Chuck E. Cheese

01/28/2010: Introducing: Role Daddy!