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The Organized Mom: Graduation Memories

This month, I wanted to blog about my family and share some personal growth experiences. 2011 brings a celebration of 23 years of marriage and the graduation of our oldest son from high school. These milestones come with some reflection on my part as a wife and mother and an opportunity for parent performance ratings from our children. During a recent dinnertime conversation with our three teenage boys we were voted "cool" parents 90% of the time. This was an honor to hear, especially from one of our sons, because my husband and I are not pushovers. We require a high level of work and character in our boys; more than the average teenager by far.

I have discovered that even the best parenting does not stop your child from making some less than wise decisions as they move into their independence. One of the most challenging times for both parents and children is the transition from high school to making decisions about the future. Parents may want to continue to make choices for their children, but there comes a point a parent has to allow their young adult to make their own choices, even if it is the wrong one.

With graduation just over, our oldest son has had to make some big decisions. He decided to attend a local community college and explore options for his future career. But until that time, he had to finish high school.

Like most high school seniors he was ready to be done and to move on to the next phase of his life. He made plans of his own to move into an apartment with a high school friend this summer and we are extremely proud of him. He was showing the signs of being independent, but not yet having the self-discipline to make the right choices to reach his goal successfully. Let me clarify that this behavior is not a character issue, but one of being able to prioritize.

Young adults at this time of transition rarely have the wisdom they think they have. Somehow the one-time "smart" parents have suddenly become clueless and advice given out of love is not well received. Even though as parents you see a train wreak coming, you dare not say, "watch out for that train."

At some point during our son's senior year, my husband and I decided not to give up on parenting, but to allow him to make more of his own choices, even if that meant failing or a lost opportunity. It was tough. With instant notifications from his school coming straight to our email, we knew about missed papers, low test scores, tardies, and absences. When we saw a "0" on a paper or a missed class, we chose to say nothing. Standing by watching this happen was difficult for me as I wanted to just ground him for life for not caring about his studies.

The school policies that were in place and the counselors at my son's school were my only hope for sound reasoning. They were of course saying the same thing I was, but it was coming from someone other than mom, and many times that can make all the difference. I let them take over handling my son's academic behavior, while my husband and I continued to hold on to our relationship with our son.

I tell my story so others will know that it is okay to allow your child to make decisions and possibly fail. As parents you want to protect them from negative consequences, but you have to be willing to allow them those life experiences. It won't be easy. In fact my husband had to hold me back a time or two from saying anything to my son. The two phrases my husband would use to remind me of our choice: "We can't do it for him" and "He's gotta want it."

Sometimes as a parent you have to let go of trying to save your child so you can continue to nurture your child/parent relationship. Remember that your goal as a parent is to work yourself out of a job. Do not act as an enabler nor reward bad behavior. Be confident that the wisdom you provided throughout your child's life will carry them through difficult times. You may not see the results at that very moment, but definitely at some time in his future. As a parent, I am always reminded of this verse: Proverbs 22:6; "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Lorraine Brock is a professional organizer, family coach, speaker, and president and founder of "Get Organized!" "Get Organized!" is a professional organizing company in the Dallas, Texas area. "Get Organized!" specializes in organizing and de-cluttering homes for moms as well as implementing systems in the home for better family management.

A popular media guest, Lorraine has appeared on Dallas' two top morning television shows: Good Morning Texas and Good Day Fox , and has been featured on various radio outlets. She has been hallmarked in many local, regional, and national print and online magazines, such as the Dallas Morning News, Mercator.net, SheKnows.com, and Daily Candy Kids. Additionally, Lorraine has shared the stage with stars from HGTV and DYI Network at the Great Big Texas Home Show at the new Dallas Cowboys Stadium. To obtain more information about Lorraine, visit www.GetOrganized.ws.

Posted in: Organized Mom on 06/14/2011