Blogger Buzz

Good Grades or Good Manners?

This week, I attended an incredibly eye opening event hosted by NBC Universal called "Power of the Purse." The brunch, which took place during advertising week in New York City was targeted to moms and featured one of my favorite Role Mommies of all time...Sarah Jessica Parker. SJP was on hand to react to findings of a new study about what is truly weighing on the minds of today's busy moms.

While the survey shared many important results - including the fact that moms want to be accurately portrayed in the media and feel we're not or that fathers secretly long to switch roles and become stay at home dads, the statistic that struck me most was the fact that 77% of moms surveyed said they'd rather have a kid with good manners over one with good grades. Even SJP has this to say about her own son, James Wilke:

Untitled from beth Feldman on Vimeo.

As someone who went through life striving to achieve good grades while having good manners along the way, I have to admit that as a mom, I have witnessed embarrassing behavior from my own kids and from other children too. When either of my kids do something that is inappropriate or rude, we call them out, make them apologize, or take something away from them so that they know we're not going to stand for that behavior. However, most moms I've seen simply cave in so that they don't have to deal with their kids' despicable behavior.

Just last week, I was waiting for my daughter to get a haircut, as a woman walked inside with her three children. The kids' ages ranged from 3-6 years old and as I sat trying to read a magazine, the whine factor was driving me nuts.

"Mommy, why can't I get something? I never get anything," wailed a three year old boy.

"What do you mean sweetheart? We just came from the supermarket and I bought lettuce and bananas and all kinds of good things for you and your sisters," his mother responded.

"But you never get me anything!" He wailed louder and then burst into tears.

Never get you anything? For Pete's sake, you were in the supermarket with your mother. Every time you step into a store doesn't mean you're supposed to get something!

Fast forward to another incident when a mother confided that she didn't want to take her daughter with her to an important event because she knew she would just be annoying, would complain about being there and frankly, she just didn't want to deal with her attitude.

Seriously?

Now don't get me wrong. I've been in those situations when my 12 year old doesn't want to spend time with us, but at the end of the day, we still make her go. And you know what? When she does, she actually has had a pretty good time. The more we cave into our kids' demands, the more we are going to find that we are truly raising little monsters. Entitled kids who tell us to jump and we bow to their every demand and ask, "How high?"

Frankly, I don't want to play that game anymore. I want my kids to do the right thing. To respect others. To look out for one another and to stand up for those who aren't being treated right. But the more that parents continue to put up with the whining, the demands and complaints without sending them to their room to reflect on their deplorable behavior, the more that behavior will only get worse. Fast forward just one decade and watch what is currently unfolding in the workforce.

If you've been working for more than two decades like me, I'm sure you've begun to notice that there's an entire generation of college grads today who have some of the worst manners I have ever experienced. Raised with a sense that they could do no wrong, many of today's millenials continually question authority or blatantly tell their bosses that they don't agree with the direction they've been given. Sure, we've had years of experience under our belts, but in the eyes of many kids who came of age in the world of Mark Zuckerberg, we are dinosaurs who have no clue. Frankly, many of these kids have bad manners who are singlehandedly taking down successful businesses with their laissez faire attitudes. If they don't like a job, they quit within a matter of months. If they don't agree with their boss, they will argue until they think they've been heard. And if they believe they have been treated poorly, they will gossip and complain to anyone who will listen.

I don't know about you, but frankly, I don't want to raise a child who disrespects authority, has no regard for others and is so ego driven that they never look out for anyone but themselves. I want my kids to get those good grades, but more importantly, I want to raise my children just like Sarah Jessica Parker - I want them to be good citizens.

I do have to say that this year, I had a really nice conversation with one of my son's teachers. We were at "Meet the Teacher" night and it just so happened that my daughter had the same teacher just three years ago. I remember her being lovely and supportive and my daughter truly enjoyed being a student in her class. As we gave one another a hug, she said something that truly made me smile.

"I don't know what you're doing Mrs. Feldman, but all I can say is keep doing it. You're children are such nice kids. It's truly a pleasure to have them in my class."

Now if that's not an instant A, I don't know what is.

Posted in: Blogger Buzz, Role Mommy Confessions, Undercover Mom on 10/08/2011

One Mom: Role Mommy of the Week

As a blogger, I always find it amazing how some of the women I have met along my journey truly have the power to effect real change in our world. Emily McKhann and Cooper Monroe are two of those women. The pair are the founders of The Motherhood and over the years, have been at the forefront of movements to support and protect mothers and families worldwide.

This year, the pair embarked on an unbelievable journey along with eight other inspiring mom bloggers as part of a trip spearheaded by One Mom, a grassroots advocacy and campaigning organization that fights extreme poverty and preventable disease, particularly in Africa, by raising public awareness and pressuring political leaders to support smart and effective policies and programs that are saving lives, helping to put kids in school and improving futures. Cofounded by Bono and other campaigners, ONE is nonpartisan and works closely with African activists and policy makers.

During a recent visit to Kenya, the One Mom bloggers traveled throughout the region, meeting mothers, holding babies, sharing hugs and shedding tears - all in a mission to raise awareness about the plight of women and families in Kenya who struggle to survive and thrive in this third world nation. Last night, ABC News selected One Moms as their person of the week and this Monday, the One Moms will be featured on Good Morning America. What you can tell from the video of their journey is that these women were truly moved and motivated by what they saw. As some of the most vocal and passionate women in the blogosphere, these writers will continue to raise awareness by sharing their stories and urging other moms to spread the word. Below is a widget from the One Mom campaign where you too can pledge your support. We urge you to join the movement and visit OneMom.org for more information on how you can help.

Welcome home Cooper, Emily and all the One Moms...you truly are Role Mommies!

Posted in: Blog, Blogger Buzz on 08/06/2011

Problem Solvin' Mama Weighs in On Blissdom

(photo credit: Chicky Baby).
I got started blogging as a way to become part of the online conversation, to share my thoughts and ideas with other like minded women. What began as a hobby has definitely become an important part of my life. This past summer I decided it was time to go to a conference - to meet some of these women that I spend time with online, to trade tips and make new contacts. My first conference was huge, overwhelming, and left me wondering if I really had any idea what I was doing in this online space. Determined to try again, I started researching conferences, looking for something a bit more maneageble in size that was more focused on connecting attendees. After reading about several possibilities (both official descriptions and post conference summaries) I decided Blissdom was for me. At least I hoped it was. So with fingers crossed and my sweet baby in tow, I set out for the Opryland Hotel.

Right from the start I noticed how the pace of the conference slower - plenty of time for meeting and mingling, networking and comparing notes. Sessions for the most part ran on time and were structured to include audience participation. I loved that, because the sessions became more tailored that way, and in some cases I learned answers to questions I hadn't even thought to ask.

The conference was extremely baby friendly - it was easy to walk in and out of sessions as needed and the daycare options were spot on. I had the chance to meet some of my bloggy crushes that I might not have had the courage to introduce myself to because they wanted to hold my sweet little girl! Christine at YoungMommy even networked with ForBabyGifts to provide strollers and welcome bags for those of us that were bringing babies.

There were a manageable amount of parties each night, with very little overlap. This allowed everyone to participate and reduced the amount of party hopping craziness I'd witnessed previously. Each unofficial party that I attended had an eventbrite page, allowing guests to register and party coordinators to get a feel for the number of attendees. I chose to take my daughter to daycare for the Harry Conick Jr concert (more on that later *swoon*) but she was welcome and with me for all the other parties. The closing party included pajamas and karaoke, perfect for chilling or rocking out with new friends.

I talked with Barbara Jones (cohost of the Blissdom conference) about her vision for Blissdom and the specific decisions she and Allie Worthington made to help ensure their vision became a reality. She pointed out that they aren't trying to be everything for everyone - while Blissdom isn't specifically a mommy blogger conference, many attendees are moms. There is a lot of similarity of interests. They wanted to focus on community and connection - the smaller size and limited tracks (different sessions) helped attain that goal. There were a smaller number of sponsor booths, located directly in the lounge area outside the conference rooms. This allowed attendees to spend time talking with sponsors and networking. Barbara and Allie worked with the sponsors ahead of time to help tailor their presentations and expectations. All the preparation and planning was worth it - Blissdom exceeded my expectations, and I plan to keep coming back!

Posted in: Blogger Buzz on 03/02/2010

Pure Bliss with Harry Connick Jr.

(photo credit: Angry Julie Monday).

When I heard Harry Connick Jr was performing at one of the Blissdom cocktail parties I couldn't believe it - I know the ladies that host the conference can make magic happen, but WOW! I wasn't sure what to expect, whether it would be similar to some smaller venue concerts I'd been to, but regardless I was looking forward to hearing his wonderful voice live. When the Saints played their way into the Superbowl the plans changed slightly - rather than canceling on us to play at the Superbowl, he rescheduled to Friday night. What a class act!

The concert was held in a nightclub at the Opryland Hotel, just a short walk from our hotel rooms. I dropped the baby at daycare and headed to the party. The club was plenty big for our crowd. We mingled for not quite an hour, and then the real show began. I was maybe eight feet from the stage, because I hadn't staked out a spot. It was a mini concert, with only four or five songs, but Harry talked to us for roughly the same amount of time that they played. I was impressed yet again as he talked about the strong women in his life and the importance of community.

After the concert the band stayed for pictures. I had a call from daycare that my daughter was letting the ladies know she was through with letting someone else watch her, so I hurried upstairs instead. I'd thoroughly enjoyed myself and had some pretty good pictures and videos to take home with me.

Steph is an engineer working to advance her career while focusing on her family. She writes about her problem solvin' approach to parenting and life at Problem Solvin Mom