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The Girdle Chronicles

For the last installment of the co comment parenting challenge, I tackle the topic of weight loss again, but this time, it's not about the food I've eaten, it's all about the aftermath of all those barbecues and sweets. When bad food leads to big bottoms...(fyi, the woman you see in the picture below is not me).

Ocean City.jpgI have officially become my grandmother. Determined not to go up a dress size despite my numerous pig out sessions this summer and the fact, that yes, I have gained 8 pounds since my momentous Jenny Craig slim down, I purchased a dress at Ann Taylor Loft and decided that even though it fit a bit snug around my hips, I was going to buy it because it looked so damn cute on the headless mannequin.

And so, this morning, as I got the kids ready for their first day of school, I picked out my brand new dress to wear for an important morning meeting. As I fidgeted with the slip that had been sewn into the frock, I kept feeling like something didn't look right. If only I could smooth out that look, I thought to myself. And then a lightbulb went off in my head. All I need is a girdle.

Oy vey. A girdle. I am thisclose to 40 years of age and now I've gone over the deep end and have sunk to a new low. I wear girdles. Well, today I'm wearing one and to be honest, it's cutting off the circulation in my thighs and midsection and when I walk, the sewn in slip rides up to my waist and I find myself pulling at my dress so that my undercover undergarment can't be seen.

As I walked my son into his first grade class and attempted to help him find his seat, all I could keep thinking about was my uncomfortable dress and whether anyone else could see my girdle. And after I gave him a peck on the cheek and raced out of the school, pulling my dress down the entire time, I realized one important lesson about the end of summer and the beginning of the school year. Never let them see your girdle and if the dress don't fit, buy a bigger size.

I know we've already tackled weight loss plans I should be hitting in the next few weeks (Weight Watchers is topping the list), but any surefire undergarments you can recommend that don't cut off your circulation while wearing them? Inquiring minds and tushes want to know.

Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions on 09/03/2008


  • This comment comes from Vanessa at Chef Druck...

    Your post was hilarious. The picture was too funny - maybe she was just hot. It's always so unpleasant to get sweaty ... down there. She's probably smart to let it all cool down in the wind.

  • Ok........EEEEWWWWWW on the photo!!! Good God!

    Now, I have carried extra weight around since I had my last child (6 years ago...yikes) and I'm just not a big fan of wearing the constricting products (sounds better than girdle). I know if your clothes are tight and you're planning on losing anyway you don't want to spend the money on new clothes, but why be uncomfortable?

    And I'm getting ready to start WW again, also...

    So.........Ban the Girdle!!!! :)

  • I gained 52 pounds when I was pregnant-and I'm only 5 feet tall.

    I did lose it all, but it took me a year. I maintain my normal weight, but I have learned a few simple secrets along the way.

    The first one is walk. I lost all of my weight just going for strolls with the baby or the dog. No power walking, just strolling.

    The second is lots of raw foods. My husband and I bought a juicer and juice once or twice a day. Filling ourselves with such wholesome food made us not want to have lots of junk. It's simple, but it works. He (I know we don't like to talk about men and weight loss) recently lost 37 pounds just juicing and exercising a few days a week.

    We still eat regular meals and snacks, but we find we feel better eating more fruits and veggies. It is a simple lifestyle change, but it is so worth feeling good both body and soul.

  • Well, it isn't bad food that makes big bottoms, it's good food that makes big bottoms. LOL.

    Sorry, no idea on hold it in type of underwear, I go for comfort and let the muffin top be damned.

  • I've totally given up!!!! Eat and enjoy. I've heard good things about spanx too.

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