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Labor Day Lament

It's 7:27 am on Labor Day and I am wide awake and working. I can't explain what motivated me to hop out of bed and not do something more productive like exercise, or perhaps rolling over so I could get more sleep. Instead, my lonely computer was calling me. I hadn't checked email in over a day and it was time to get back on before the kids woke up and asked for a turn on my laptop so they could play webkinz.

I honestly don't know why I've become so compulsive about my business. It's been one year since I've been out on my own, and frankly, I've found myself working more hours and more days than I ever have in my life. Is it healthy? No. Is it satisfying? Not really. So why do I do it? I have no clue. It's as if someone has turned on a switch in my brain and now, no matter what I do, I can't stop thinking about all the things I need to get done over the coming weeks and months.

I'm fortunate that I do have some incredibly talented people working with me, but still, when you're an entrepreneur, it becomes a bit daunting when the buck literally stops with you. And so, you'll just keep at it until you get results or burn out in the process. The crazy thing is, as much as I wanted to become an entrepreneur, the more I realize why people stay in corporate jobs - it's safe, it's comfortable, and you get to turn off the switch.

When you've got a 9-5 job you don't get emails on weekends, late at night or before the day begins and even if you do, you're not expected to return those emails until your workday has officially begun.

Before I went out on my own, I remember starting my day at 9:30 am. Sure I checked my emails beforehand, but I never would have been on the computer at 6 or 7 am and I certainly wouldn't have been sending out emails on weekends and national holidays. But now, I'm a 24/7 operation and frankly, as we prepare to start a new school and work year, I don't know if the solo business life is all that it's cracked up to be.

I guess time will tell in the months ahead if I'm still enjoying the bumpy road to success. What I do love is building my website and getting to network with incredible women at events I've produced this past year. What I don't love is having to run another business at the same time to finance my passion. Something has got to give. And perhaps maybe that's why on Labor Day, it's time to take a hard look and decide, am I happier now than I was before? Is being a business owner all that it's cracked up to be? Would I be better off back in the corporate game while pursuing my passion?

I know the grass is always greener on the other side and considering my grass is literally looking like hay these days, I'm seriously contemplating trying out some new astro turf.

Feel free to share suggestions or words of encouragement.

Posted in: Role Mommy Confessions on 09/01/2008

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