Rolemommy

Role Mommy Confessions

Confessions of a Stain-a-Holic

I don't know about you, but there's one thing I love to do during the summer. It's not lounging on the beach (I'm bikini-phobic) or visiting water parks (can't stand those inner tube wave pools or one piece bathing suits for that matter). My absolute favorite thing to do this time of year is to shop for clothes...especially when there's a big sale!

Since July, I've managed to snag an adorable bright colored frock in a cute shop near my parent's home, an orange and green sundress with a matching antique Austrian Crystal necklace, and a romantic white flowy number that I've already worn once to take the kids for ice cream (bad choice) and within minutes of slipping it on, I managed to drip chocolate fro-gurt (frozen yogurt) on it.

You see, while those dresses look really cute in the store, the moment I squeeze into them at home (did I mention that summer food is also a guilty pleasure) and attempt to walk out the door, I become a stain magnet for my kids, my cats, my husband and myself (I am a klutz, I admit it).

Lucky for me, the team at Wisk must have been watching all my stain-filled moves and reached out to me during my hour of need. Over the next few weeks, I'm going to get to try out Wisk with Stain Spectrum™ Technology before it hits stores! And according to Wisk, their latest laundry stain-fighting creation promises to make my brand new clothes look well, new again.

While my own mom may have been concerned about "Ring Around the Collar," these days, I'm busy trying to find easy and effective ways to remove coffee stains from white pants (commuter catastrophe), grass stains from baseball uniforms and peanut butter and jelly from my son's t-shirt (he's a bit of a messy eater). And the one person missing from my stain equation? You guessed it, my hubby. Seems like he keeps his clothes stain free - or doesn't really pay attention when the mustard from his hot dog lands on his collar during a Mets game.

So stains beware..there's a new detergent in town that's out to get you! Take a trip down memory lane and check out this classic Wisk ad...

And here's a sneak peak of their brand new stain fighting solution...

Have any stain fighting stories you'd like to share? What's the worst thing you've ever spilled on your clothes...and were you able to get it out? An inquiring messy mom wants to know...

Disclosure: Compensated blog post.

Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions on 08/12/2010

Sweaty Days and Wednesdays Always Get Me Down

Was having a fabulous day - worked out of my virtual office near Grand Central Station where I typically freeze for about five hours in a heavily air conditioned office. Then at 3:30pm, zipped over to the Plaza hotel where I got to see some of my favorite bloggers from Chicago and New York City at a fabulous event sponsored by Dyson. Incidentally, as we dined on tea sandwiches and caught up with friends, we were introduced to Dyson's latest creation - an air multiplier with no blades...amazing! We even found out we'd be receiving one to try out at home and while I was psyched by the news, I didn't think much about how it would impact my life at that moment because I was comfy cool chilling out at the Plaza.

And then I had to leave and catch my train. Did I mention I was wearing heels, a summer dress and a light sweater? I started walking and looked everywhere for a cab but sadly, they were either off duty or occupied. And so I kept walking.

In my heels.

Carrying a 40 pound purse that contained my flats, laptop computer, files, keys to my house and a few sticks of lipstick...which reminds me - I still need to get to Sephora to pick up foundation and eyeliner but that's a whole other story.

So I keep walking. And still there are no cabs in sight. I contemplate opting for a pedicab but I'm low on cash and figure I can make it there by foot as long as my train is on a decent track (anything from 35-42 will suffice). I arrive with four minutes to spare and as fate would have it, I'm on track 110 or is it track 112 or was that 114?

No matter, I run like the wind in my heels, carrying my two ton bag as I think about the havoc I'm wreaking upon my back, neck and shoulder. But I keep going. Up two flights of stairs, walk another 1000 feet, down an escalator, shoving myself through the crowd.

I get to the bottom of the escalator and I'm on autopilot. I race up to track 114 and the conductor gives me a smile. I heave a sigh of relief, hurl myself into a seat, check my emails and hurriedly get back to work.

Except it's now 6:20 and the train isn't moving yet. And so I ask the tell tale question: Am I on the right train? Well, that depends. If I had planned to take a trip to Dobbs Ferry tonight then "Yesirree Bob you have come to the right place!" But I need to get to Scarsdale. Uh oh. Wrong train!

I grab my laptop, throw it in my bag, along with my heels, fling my 4 ton purse over my shoulder and run as fast as I can. Did I mention my feet are now covered in blisters? I walk down two flights of stairs and discover my track is in what seems like Guadalajara.

And so I hoof it.

Up 75 stairs.

Trudging at least a half mile.

Dripping in perspiration.

While I began my day feeling cool and refreshed in a pretty Ann Taylor Loft sun dress, I've now morphed into a sweaty hot mess and stink to high heaven.

I finally arrive at my destination and wipe myself off with the lone napkin I grabbed from the water lady who was selling her wares next to Track 36. I collapse into my seat. Take a deep breath, flip open my laptop and start sharing my tale of woe.

And now I'm almost at my stop. The sweat rivulets have finally stopped trickling down my neck and while I still smell pretty awful if I wave my arms, I feel like a human again.

Nothing like a wrong turn to make you appreciate a fancy new fan.

Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions, Undercover Mom on 08/04/2010

The Unfriendly Skies

There's something about flying that brings out the best and worst in me. You see, there are some things I actually enjoy while hopping aboard a plane. I love the fact that I can read a book and finish it without interruption. Or hop on wifi and continue writing and compulsively checking email even though I'm 31,000 feet above the earth. And, I'm one of those people who is happy to converse with the passenger sitting next to me if they seem like they're open to conversation and have an interesting story or vacation anecdote to share.

What don't I like when traveling by air? Let's see. I hate security lines - but have already waxed poetic on that experience recently over at Associated Content. Once I've made it through security, and plunked down $30 on gum, magazines, a neck pillow and fuzzy socks, I dragged my bags to the gate and waited for the customer service to rep to arrive so that I could claim my seat on the plane. Except, here's the problem. Those rude customer service reps who get to the gate about 20 minutes before your departure, can literally drive you to the point of insanity. In fact, I recently felt like a caged animal as I waited to find out if I was going to get a decent seat on the plane - I had received the "See your gate operator" message on my boarding pass which meant that even though I had a legitimate ticket, I was going to have to wait until the customer service representative was good and ready to select a seat for me. In hindsight, had I been nicer, I might not have wound up with an aisle and no place to rest my weary head for five solid hours.

And speaking of attempting to sleep, I do not like trying to sleep on a red-eye while sitting next to a rowdy group of boy scouts from another continent. More on that soon.

I hate turbulence. No matter how many times people have told me that it's only dangerous when you're taking off and landing, I can be found white knuckling my armrest or playing with my grandmother's ring while glancing up at the ceiling and praying silently to her to watch over me.

I do not care for people who move my things around without my permission just so they can squeeze their massive carry on bag into the overhead bin while I was forced to check mine at the gate five minutes before our plane was scheduled to take off.

Recently, I experienced the best and the worst about air travel. The best was the grandma I sat next to on the flight out to Los Angeles - who shared where her family was heading on their summer vacation - Hawaii!!! She told me she was taking a cruise with her grandchildren, son and daughter in law and informed me that Norwegian Cruise Line is the only ship that offers summer cruises to Hawaii. A great travel tip for all you summer vacationers!

Another pleasant passenger encounter. I sat next to a woman from Gibraltar (never met a woman from Gibraltar that I didn't like) who was traveling throughout the United States as part of a choir. She told me all about where she had lived (near Portugal and Spain), shared stories about her daughter and her current trip to Italy (where I had spent my honeymoon more than a decade ago) and also told me how she was amazed by the scenery of Northern California. Another travel tip: If you've never been to San Francisco - it is one of the most beautiful cities in our nation - filled with wineries, mountains, the Golden Gate Bridge, cable cars, winding roads and really nice people.

And now for the unpleasantries...
On my trip home, I encountered a customer service rep who was clearly irritated by those of us who walked up to his station only to be shooed away. He kept telling everyone to sit tight while he accommodated scores of passengers who requested upgrades while he kept nervous standby victims on the edge of their seat. And me? Well, I was one of those in limbo passengers who technically had a seat but they couldn't issue it to me until Mr. Customer Service made sure that several frequent fliers got the upgrades they were requesting.

After they had called Groups 1-6, I finally was handed a ticket and was then stopped at the gate when they told me I had to check my overnight bag. Check my bag? The plane was supposed to take off in 10 minutes - are you kidding me? I gave the flight representative my terror mixed with skepticism with a sprinkle of Jewish guilt look and he assured me my bags would make it on the plane because he'd put them there personally. I bid my bags adieu and made my way towards the aircraft.

As I found my seat - an aisle with absolutely no place to lean against - which meant my red eye experience would be spent in a semi reclined position where I couldn't for the life of me find a comfortable place to pass out. I then noticed a woman moving everyone's bags around so that she could put her suitcase in the carry on bin. Excuse me? I had to check my bag and this lady, who came on 10 minutes after me got by with her suitcase. You've got to be kidding me.

And then there were the eagle scouts. I suspect they were traveling for at least 24 hours since they came by way of Australia. That woud explain the fact that they decided to get rowdy at 4 in the morning and when I asked them to "keep it down," they proceeded to continue joking around and one of their friends who had stopped by to razz them, walked away leaving a pungent musky odor in his path. Yuck. Tweenage boys who don't use deodorant on a plane - clearly a recipe for disaster.

Next the turbulence hit with a vengeance. Every time I started to doze off into a REM like state, the plane began to shake and stir in the wind. While the woman next to me kept asking me questions about whether we were safe, I tried to maintain my composure while rubbing my grandmother's ring repeatedly. About three hours later, the turbulence ended and we were ready to land.

The wheels touched down a bit hard this time and we skidded down the runway and finally came to a grinding halt. And as I looked up at the sky and thanked my grandparents for watching over me yet again, I whisked out the door, hit baggage claim and thankfully, my bag arrived on the carousel.

And so ends yet another high flying airplane adventure. While I hate it, it's a means to transport me to some of the most exciting entertainment experiences I've ever had in my life (more on that later). Love it or hate it, air travel will always be a part of my life. And what will I do the next time I take a flight? Simple, join the frequent flier program and suddenly you'll be welcomed aboard the friendly skies - they may be a bit bumpy but if you get a good seat and land safely, who really cares.

Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions on 07/18/2010

Oprah Can You Hear Me?

While I've been receiving countless emails from aspiring bloggers and mompreneurs hoping they'll be picked to host a talk show on the new OWN network, I actually considered submitting my own. I even recorded a video but it was longer than what was required (they wanted it to be 3 minutes and mine was 5). And, I also hate contests where you have to beg friends and strangers to vote for you. So I opted out of entering. And now the videos are in and they're tallying the votes.

Since I still have my video, I figured, why not share it here where friends and family can take a look without being guilted into voting for me. If you'd like to see what I would have submitted if I pressed the upload button and took my chances, here it is.

On a side note, I hear that Coke is running a contest where you can win a walk on role in the Broadway version of Mary Poppins. Now that's my kind of sweepstakes. Gotta run and buy me a case of coke so that I can belt out "It's a Jolly Holiday" with Mary.

Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions on 07/04/2010

I Wish I Were an Apple Instead of a Pear

It's officially July 1st, which means I can now no longer avoid shorts season. While my favorite months of the year are now a distant memory, summer has snuck up on me and as I walk the streets of New York City, all I can see for blocks on end are legs. Long legs, firm legs, scrawny legs, tan legs, sculpted calves, toned thighs and then, for a split second, I look down at my knees and want to throw on a burka.

Oh how I utterly hate the summer. Especially when some of my favorite stores have decided that this season, short shorts are back in style. Or those flouncy dresses that come up to your mid thigh - which I would never wear because even if I paired them with leggings, I'd still have to figure out how to disguise the fact that my lower half is just not cutting it lately.

I've always been a classic pear. Small on top, large on the bottom. And they even say that it's healthier to be a pear than an apple but just give me one day to swap legs with someone who has shapely calves and not cankles like me and I swear, I'd probably go on a shopping spree and buy out all the short shorts on sale at Banana Republic and J Crew combined.

Give me the chance to slip on a mini dress and gladiator sandals without feeling self conscious about my knee fat and you will find me a changed woman. I can't tell you how many times I've contemplated setting up a consult with a plastic surgeon only to have cold feet because I've never gone under anesthesia. Oh if only I were an apple and not a pear. Sure apples don't look good in a bathing suit either and a pear can cover their lower extremities with a massive sarong or beach towel, but apples can also wear a big t-shirt and shorts that show off their thin legs.

Don't have time to read? Then listen and laugh instead!

I know I should just accept the fact that as a full-fledged pear, I will never possess the legs I secretly long for when I pass a stranger on the street. I mean, there are redeeming qualities with being a pear. I am pretty small from the waist up so that's a plus. So my thighs jiggle when I walk and my calves are the same size of tree trunks, things could be worse. I could be a watermelon.

Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions, The Girdle Chronicles on 07/02/2010

Why I Love My Daughter

I've always been amazed by my daughter. Partially because she and I are like night and day. I've always struggled with my weight and she has a body I dreamt about having when I was in the 5th grade. She knows how to crochet and bake, her artwork has been displayed in our local library, and she loves team sports like basketball and softball. Again, nothing like me - tennis and singing were my passions when I was her age and she has no interest whatsoever in doing either in public any time soon.

What I love most about my daughter is that she looks out for everyone around her - including her little brother. A few years ago, when my kids were attending the same day camp, my daughter was there to watch out for my son when some other kids started teasing him. You see, as the kids celebrated "Crazy Hat Day" at camp, my kids decided to wear the Goofy hats we bought them at Disneyworld. They're both pretty silly and were perfect for the special day, except when my then six year-old-son arrived with his hat, his fellow kindergarten and first grade campers were not that nice to him. In fact, they didn't call his hat silly, they called it "stupid."

My son told me the story after I had returned home from work and I explained that kids could sometimes be mean and he shouldn't pay them any mind. Of course, I started thinking about other things they could tease him about - and all I kept thinking was how much I hate it when kids get mean - especially since when I was my daughter's age, I was the butt of countless fat jokes.

When my daughter came home from an evening play date, I tucked her into bed and she retold the hat story and how the kids were mean to Dylan. I then asked if she heard them say anything to him. Although she replied that she didn't, she said her brother came over to tell her what happened and she walked over to the kids and warned them that if they teased her brother again they'd be in trouble - and trust me - you don't want my daughter watching your every move! She then instructed her brother that if he needed her she'd be nearby and said that while her group was playing in the deep end of the pool, she stayed with him until his group moved on to another activity.

And that's why I love my daughter. Don't get me wrong, I love her more than anything even before I decided to share this story, but to see how compassionate and protective she is of her little brother even when I'm not around, made my eyes well up with tears. People tell me all the time that she is an old soul who looks out for others and frankly, I wholeheartedly agree. I have always sensed a glimpse of my grandma in her - from her masterful crochet work to always being on hand to help those in need, to her love of cooking and incredible sense of humor. At 11 years old, she is well on her way to becoming an incredible young lady and all I can say is I am so proud to be her mom.

Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions on 06/27/2010

The Happiness Project: The Role Mommy 411

A few weeks ago, I was in a major funk and rather than spend $250 on a therapist, I turned instead to my Kindle (which is currently on sale for $189, I might add). And thankfully, in about 1 minute, I found the prescription I needed to make me smile again.

The bestseller I decided to crack open was The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Rubin, a former lawyer turned journalist turned author, sets off on a 12 month journey where she tackles one happiness project after another. From de-cluttering her home, to refraining from gossiping, to finding time to put exercise back into her life, to writing a novel in one month (now that I've got to try), to doing the things she loved when she was 10 years old, Gretchen Rubin's book managed to help me get through my recent rough patch while inspiring me to try things I haven't done in a really long time.

Now that I finished the book, I decided to embark on a few happiness projects of my own. And while I do believe that de-clutter should be on my list too, for some reason, going through my mail, my closets and the basement doesn't make me happy, it just gets me overwhelmed.

I will however, enroll in a creative writing class. I've always loved storytelling and would like to try to write a novel. Most likely a young adult novel since my vocabulary is about as strong as a fifth grader's but either way, I'm definitely going to look into a class that will encourage me to take my love of writing to the next level.

I've also applied for a musical workshop at the BMI Music Publishing House. I have no idea if I'll be accepted (sent them several of my favorite song parodies), but my feeling is - nothing ventured, nothing gained! Will keep you posted if that one actually happens.

I am determined to lose weight. Okay that's more like a New Year's resolution but I'm currently reading Change Your Brain, Change Your Body and am hoping that if my brain makes better choices, my body will be much better for it!

I want to go on amazing vacations with my family. Or maybe just one really fun vacation where we make tons of memories, take lots of pictures and relax!!!

I want to sleep more. Selfishly because they say that the more you sleep, the better it is for your metabolism.

And I want to get back to doing what I loved before I had kids. (I already do the things I loved when I was 10 - singing when no one is around). I actually did take up one sport that I used to love sans kids...rollerblading. In the early nineties, I used to rollerblade in Central Park every evening after work and on weekends and come to think of it, I looked pretty damn good back then. So this past Sunday, I strapped on my blades and panted all the way down Pinebrook Blvd., passing cars and exhaust fumes in my wake.

While I survived my first outing, this morning's adventure was not as successful. While blading along the road listening to "Escape" (I was tired of my lady, we've been together too long), I must have slipped on a twig and the next thing I knew, I went crashing into the ground - along with my iPhone - which incidentally, now has a cracked screen (guess it's time for an iPhone 4G then). Anyhoo - I decided to cross the street and blade back home and a friend saw me puffing along the side of the road and asked me if I wanted a ride. I declined and huffed it all the way back to my house (which sits on an incredibly steep hill I might add). Something tells me that even though rollerblading made me happy when I was 22 it might not make me so happy right about now - especially since I need to cough over some cash to fix my phone. Maybe I just need to invest in a new pair of blades or should pick a better route the next time I hit the open road.

Either way, I'm working out my happiness projects one assignment at a time. How about you? Have any happiness projects you'd like to tackle? Get inspired now by visiting The Happiness Project.

Posted in: Blog, Book Club, Role Mommy Confessions on 06/24/2010

Memorial Day Fave 5 Conversation Starters

Getting ready to head out to a Memorial Day barbecue with friends or family and plan to spend several hours with them? While the first hour or two can be spent catching up on lost time, what else can you talk about before the conversation goes stale? Well, here are a few conversation starters that might cause uproar, debate or juicy conversation around the grill.

1. Should President Obama visit Arlington National Cemetery in honor of Memorial Day or share a burger with his father-in-law in Chicago? Just heard there's a storm brewing on the Internet over whether the president should take the weekend to spend quality time with his family rather than honor fallen soldiers. He is taking a side trip to New Orleans to assess the oil spill but that's a whole other conversation that we'll get to next.

2. What the heck is going on with that BP oil spill anyway? According to the most recent reports, the latest method to stop the oil from spewing millions of gallons into the ocean has failed. Are you kidding me? We can send men and women into space; we can build defense weapons that can annihilate entire countries; but we can't plug a leak? I think they need to speak with my plumber John, stat!

3. Sex and the City anyone? According to recent reports from friends who have seen the film, it's not very good at all. Which means, do not, under any circumstances drag your husband or boyfriend to see it. However, do feel free to drag your girlfriends and hit the mall afterwards, because no matter how silly it is, there's something about the Sex and the City gang that makes me want to you shoe shopping.

4. Talk about Diets. While you're inhaling a cheeseburger, hot dog and steak, talk about the latest diet fad to have hit the market. In fact, discuss the pros and cons of sampling a master cleanse; whether it's worth it to plunk down several hundred dollars a week for that new Freshology plan that all the stars are now on; or if Weight Watchers is still the way to go. Also talk about all the outdoor activities you plan to do this summer as you finish your key lime pie.

5. Excuse yourself from the conversation so you can read a good book. There's something about the start of summer that makes me want to ignore everyone around me so I can read continuously until Labor Day. And for some reason, on Memorial Day, it's quite alright to leave the table, curl up on a chaise lounge, read and take a nap. Sure it's not a conversation starter, but it's certainly one of my favorite things to do hands down!

Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions, Role Mommy Recommends on 05/30/2010

Ann Taylor Loft Airport Detainee

I don't know when it happened, but since I've been flying a lot lately, I have become the target of airport security in three different cities. I'm sure you're thinking - you - Beth, a Jewish girl originally from Brooklyn, NY, an airline risk? Well, for some reason, that's what's been happening to me from Florida, to Dallas to LAX. While there were all kinds of creepy looking characters walking through security without being searched, scanned or swiped, I, on the other hand, have become a prime terror suspect in Ann Taylor Loft pants.

Let's start at the beginning. The first troubling search took place a few months ago in Seattle when I was traveling with my mom - a soft spoken grandmother with a sweet looking face who happened to be carrying a make-up bag containing several airport code violations. Now, let me just preface this by saying that before mom got to Seattle, she managed to make it out of West Palm Beach and LAX without waving any red flags. But somehow, in Seattle, a friendly airport security guard decided to do a search of her make-up bag and proceeded to toss out several items. You never know what a retiree from Boynton is going to place in her liquid foundation.

Fast forward to winter break and I'm traveling with my family to West Palm Beach and on the way home, I'm so tired I forget that I've shoved several items that violate the "don't bring any liquids that are more than 2 ounces on the plane code because we believe if you are bringing anything in a large container, you could be carrying contents that could potentially be used to make an explosive device." So as we walk through the security line and place our bags on the belt, my carry on bag is pulled out and searched and within 10 seconds, I lose my sunscreen, hair gel, and a bottle of soothing aloe because everyone knows that a jar of aloe is incredibly dangerous when you rub it on the shoulders of sunburned passengers.

Next airport encounter - LAX. As I'm loading my computer, shoes, jacket, belt, carry on bag and laptop bag on the belt, some guy next to me who is covered in tattoos and piercings and reeking from cigarette smoke, waves a lighter in the face of a security guard and asks if it's okay to bring it on board the plane. And guess what the guard says? As long as it's plastic, lighters are totally fine. Lighter guy then walks through the security gate, no bells go off and all the guards wish him a safe journey. I begin my walk of shame and while I don't get buzzed or frisked, the guard in charge of the scanner flags my overnight bag and whisks me over to a private room where a menacing German Shepherd gives me the evil eye while a guard swipes it for explosives. You have got to be kidding me.

And finally, my most recent airport security snafu took place in Dallas. While walking through the gate, something in my pants buzzed. And so, they instructed me to step into a scanning machine where they did a full body scan (I should have asked them if they could see any plaque in my heart while I was there). While I stood with the guard anxiously awaiting the verdict, he shook his head and said, we're going to have to bring someone over to check you. And then it him me. I knew exactly what triggered this latest security breech. My Ann Taylor Loft tag. You see, every time I buy a top, pants or dress from Ann Taylor Loft, I never cut off the tags. And therein lies the problem - if you don't cut the tags off, they trip security systems at airports, department stores, and Office Depot. When I tried to explain what I believed was the culprit setting off alarm bells the female guard looked at me like I was nuts and then set me free.

Later that evening, as I was busy surfing Twitter I noticed that a man had been detained aboard a United Airlines flight for allegedly attempting to light his shoe on fire. I wonder if he was carrying a plastic lighter because last I checked, you can't set fire to footwear with an Ann Taylor Loft tag.

Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions on 04/10/2010

Plane Drain

I just figured out why comedians get so much great material while they're flying to their next destination. The humor quotient aboard airplanes is so incredibly high - probably because hundreds of people who don't know each other are crammed together for several hours, battling choppy winds, secretly praying they land safely, while infants, two year olds and other individuals and pets who can't control themselves cry, whine, bark and kick incessantly.

In fact, right now, I am sitting aboard a plane equipped with everything you can possibly imagine and while the technology is divine - love the wifi, music, TV and film selections from the air, but nothing can drown out the toddler seated behind me in row 25F. Granted, I have two children of my own but at this stage of the game, they are model flyers. If they so much as tap the seat in front of them, they get an evil eye from me and they instantly apologize to inconvenienced passenger. Plus, when we hop on board a plane, we've got additional reinforcements - from DSi's, to my laptop, iPod's and an iPhone. Of course, there are books too, but who has time to read when you're knee deep in gadgetry?

By some stroke of fate, I was seated in a row where my chair doesn't recline as far back as anyone else's. Which means while seat 23F is enjoying a fully reclined experience and has practically pushed my laptop into my abdomen, I pressed my recline button and my seat moved about an inch and a half. And here's the kicker...I'm taking the red-eye back tomorrow and if I'm in the same seat, I'll pretty much be sleeping standing up.

Meanwhile, over in seat 25F, I had to voice a complaint to the father of a toddler who would not stop kicking my chair. He instantly told him to cut it out and so far, I haven't felt his tootsies jabbing into my back so at least we're all clear on that front. About 10 rows ahead of us is a baby who I think finally knocked herself out after wailing incessantly for a good 30 minutes. Oh wait, she just woke up. WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

I know since I'm a parent, I shouldn't complain about other people's kids. I mean, I was in their shoes just a few years ago. I know how stressful it is to fly with little ones. The amazing thing is is that once you've passed the baby and toddler years, your threshold for tantrums and uncontrollable outbursts is significantly lowered. There's an unspoken rule about plane rides. Keep it quiet and everyone will be happy. But throw a kid under 3 into the mix and trust me, your peaceful plane adventure will go out the window, like a pigeon being sucked into an engine. Oops - maybe I shouldn't say that while I'm actually in the air.

Incidentally...some tried and true methods to keep your kids quiet on a long flight:
1. PACIFIERS - I don't care if you think that using a pacifier will cause your child to develop an overbite. When they are screaming because their ears hurt and they haven't yet mastered gum chewing, a paci works like a charm!

2. DVD PLAYERS - Bring their favorite selection of shows - from Dora, Yo Gabba Gabba, Sponge Bob, whatever it takes - there's nothing like a TV show or movie to lull a kid into a catatonic state.

3. EAR PLANES - I discovered this magical product at the counter near my airplane gate. Stick some rubber gadgets in your ears and Voila, the pain you encounter when the cabin pressurizes your head and it feels like it's being shoved into a vice, instantly disappears. They have Ear Planes for kids too...trust me, they work so stock up on them!!!

4. COLORING BOOKS, CRAYONS & MODEL CLAY - This activity will buy you at least a good 15-30 minutes depending upon your child's attention span. Of course this won't work with toddlers so instead, stick a Leapster in their hands and have them draw and play games to their hearts content.

5. FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD - There's nothing like snacks that'll get a kid to pipe down. Stay away from sugar though - you don't want you're toddler bouncing off the ceiling while everyone else is trying to nap.

So there you have it - flying with kids can be pleasant - all you need to do is have the right reinforcements. Or, you can always hold off on taking long flights with your kids until their at least 5 or rent an RV and drive cross country.

Time to say another few prayers to the airplane Gods, my grandparents, aunts and uncles who are always watching over me as I look forward to landing in the land of glitz and glamour. Hollywood, here I come...and watch out - I'm bringing a handful of screaming kids with me!

Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions, Undercover Mom on 03/25/2010

Older Entries

02/26/2010: The Cat Whisperer

02/21/2010: Presenting Grandpa Fix-It!

02/08/2010: Confessions of an Office Nomad: The Hotel Edition

01/26/2010: Look at Me On QVC

01/02/2010: 25 Random Things I Plan to Do in 2010

12/25/2009: I'm A Ritz Carlton Mom...Care to Join Me?

12/23/2009: Why Moms Cancel

12/10/2009: The Rolemommy Holiday Letter

11/26/2009: No Soup for You

11/26/2009: The No Butterball Zone

11/01/2009: The Halloween from Hell

09/13/2009: My Life in Fast Forward

09/09/2009: Music to My Ears

08/19/2009: 13 is My Lucky Number

08/15/2009: Camp Grandma & Grandpa

07/21/2009: The Moon, the Stars & Louis Vuitton

07/12/2009: Giveaway Central: Passion Pleasers

07/09/2009: Strike a Pose

07/08/2009: The Lazy Conservationist

06/29/2009: Where Oh Where Has My Little Girl Gone?

06/28/2009: Test Drive Anyone?

06/21/2009: My Role Daddy

06/17/2009: There She Blows

06/13/2009: Countdown to Camp

06/07/2009: Countdown to Sleepaway Camp

06/04/2009: Directionally Challenged

05/21/2009: The Mad Dash Part II

05/16/2009: The Mad Dash Part I

05/09/2009: Role Mommy Has Landed!

05/03/2009: Who Knew Swine Flu?

04/23/2009: Smelly Cat

04/13/2009: When the Angry Mob Follows You Through Cyberspace

04/11/2009: The Sleepover

03/31/2009: I Just Donated My Eggs to Charity

03/15/2009: Too Much Noise

03/08/2009: Why Can't My Arms Be More Like Michelle's?

02/19/2009: I Am Officially The Biggest Loser

02/11/2009: American Idol & Me!

02/02/2009: Laptops are a Girl's Best Friend

01/27/2009: 25 Random Things About Me

01/22/2009: Now I Know Why I Like President Obama

01/22/2009: Facebook Post of the Week

01/19/2009: I Have a Dream...With a Twist

01/06/2009: Are Your Friends Making You Fat?

01/05/2009: Shedding LBS. With My Weight Loss Coach

01/01/2009: My Wii Fit Called Me Fat

12/31/2008: Rolemommy Wishes for 2009

12/30/2008: Another Year, A Few More Lbs.

12/25/2008: Behind the Music...The Family Von Trapp

12/22/2008: A Little Hanukkah Humor

12/21/2008: The Gelt Trip

12/19/2008: My Holiday Hall of Shame

12/18/2008: The Face Plant Part II

12/13/2008: Email of the Day - Health Advice For Women

12/12/2008: Our Surprise Blog Talk Radio Guest!

12/10/2008: My Sleepaway Camp Confession

12/06/2008: My SUV Lament

12/04/2008: Question of the day...

11/28/2008: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

11/23/2008: The Car that Got Away

11/21/2008: Reliving the Fourth Grade

11/20/2008: World's Worst Mom

11/14/2008: Don't Ignore Your Health!

11/13/2008: Go New Ro Go!

11/13/2008: My Love Affair With...My Computer

11/11/2008: Twitter Party Crasher

11/08/2008: Joe the Plumber...Where Are You Now?

11/07/2008: The Dog Question...

11/01/2008: I'm Allergic to My House

10/27/2008: Dancing with the Stollers

10/26/2008: I Am a Cheese Ball

10/22/2008: Forever 39

10/17/2008: The Glamour Reel Moments Premiere!

10/16/2008: Glamour Reel Moments - Part III

10/14/2008: My Glamour Reel Moments Getaway...Part II

10/13/2008: Let the Makeover Begin!

10/12/2008: My Camera Meltdown

10/09/2008: My Shining Moment

10/04/2008: Baby Makes Three

10/01/2008: Silence is Golden

09/28/2008: I Got A Golden Ticket!

09/22/2008: Writing Motherhood - The First Day of Kindergarten

09/21/2008: Global Warming, Chiuauas and Sex Ed

09/21/2008: Take Me Home from the Ballgame

09/18/2008: Obama, Can You Hear Me?

09/17/2008: The Biggest Loser And Me

09/15/2008: The Buck Stops Here

09/15/2008: Things that Bug Me

09/13/2008: I Am Officially a Soccer Mom

09/11/2008: Life Goes On

09/10/2008: Obama's Favorite Book...

09/04/2008: If You Can't Stand the Heat...

09/04/2008: Dorothy and the Tin Man

09/03/2008: The Girdle Chronicles

09/02/2008: The Last Day of Summer

09/01/2008: Labor Day Lament

08/29/2008: And Now...Here's Obama!

08/27/2008: Co comment Parenting Challenge - Week III!

08/23/2008: Pamper Me Please!

08/18/2008: The CoComment Challenge Continues!

08/16/2008: Cute Hubby

08/12/2008: Comment on My Guilt Blog and You Can Win!!!

08/09/2008: The Crab Whisperer

08/02/2008: My Life Through Facebook

07/27/2008: Casualty of Shopping

07/26/2008: I Want It All...and a Little Contest!

07/23/2008: My Maternity Leave Fantasy

07/19/2008: Just Call Me Chubsy Ubsy

07/18/2008: Weekend at Bubbes

07/13/2008: Another Beach Weekend

07/11/2008: Why I Love My Daughter

07/01/2008: We're Back!!!

06/26/2008: The Summer Getaway

06/21/2008: The Helicopter Parent

06/12/2008: The Stage Mom - Part 2

06/11/2008: The Calm Before the Storm

06/04/2008: The Stage Mom

05/31/2008: Slumber Party Screw-Up

05/26/2008: Always a Publicist, Never a Guest

05/25/2008: Don't Quit Your Day Job

05/18/2008: Raised in a Cave

05/17/2008: Who You Calling Soccer Mom Sweetie?

05/12/2008: Back to the 'Hood with my GPS

05/08/2008: The Eagle Has Landed

05/08/2008: Exclusive Book Excerpt...Potty Mouth Training

05/05/2008: The Stage Mom

04/29/2008: Much Ado About Miley

04/28/2008: Rainy Days and Mondays

04/23/2008: Contribution Conundrum

04/22/2008: Oops, I Did it Again...I Can Cook!!!

04/20/2008: Passover Pandemonium

04/09/2008: Guess Who I'm Inviting to Dinner?

04/05/2008: You Had Me at Katie Couric

04/03/2008: My daughter's math problem

03/29/2008: Mom MD

03/23/2008: The Short Order Cook

03/22/2008: Hillary According to the New York Times...the Party is Over

03/21/2008: The Cinderella Syndrome

03/20/2008: The Seat of My Pants

03/16/2008: Obama Problema...I'm Having Second Thoughts

03/13/2008: Hillary Threw Sand in My Eye!

03/11/2008: Tivo Tirade

03/10/2008: Why It's Good to Check Your Kid's Homework

03/08/2008: Just Call me Gadget Mom

03/05/2008: You can never go home again

03/04/2008: My iPod and Me

02/28/2008: I'm a Crappy Disciplinarian

02/25/2008: Boynton Beach Memories, Take 2

02/18/2008: Technology Addict

02/16/2008: The Meaning of Success, Leather Couches and Procrastination

02/13/2008: Am I Right, Am I Wrong?

02/12/2008: The Raffle Ticket

02/03/2008: The Face Plant

01/26/2008: If it Looks Like a Duck

01/18/2008: The Overachiever

01/12/2008: Lost and Found

01/06/2008: GONE WITH THE WIND...THE TALE OF THE MISSING NINTENDO

12/18/2007: A Partridge in a Pear Tree

11/30/2007: Holiday Radio Rant

11/15/2007: The Double Whammy

11/11/2007: Wii for Me!

10/26/2007: THE ROAD TO THE PRESIDENCY

10/07/2007: The Book Signing Blues

09/26/2007: Law & Order F.V.U. (Fish Victims Unit)

09/20/2007: D-Day

09/09/2007: The Bracelet

09/02/2007: The Case of the Missing School Supplies List

08/23/2007: GUILTY AS CHARGED

07/24/2007: I Bribe, Therefore I Am

07/14/2007: Batteries Not Included

06/22/2007: Sideshow Beth

06/17/2007: Eed Gads, My Cankles Are Huge

06/12/2007: DRILLING

06/06/2007: Cat Tales

05/31/2007: Blackberry Meltdown

05/19/2007: Overcommitted

05/12/2007: Bathroom Break...Also Seen in Time Out New York Kids

05/06/2007: Birthday Blunder

04/30/2007: Diet Time

04/09/2007: Sometimes Dreams Can Be Nightmares...

03/27/2007: An Addendum...Even Meredith Viera Can't Skate

03/25/2007: The Birthday Diaries

03/16/2007: I Love Fruit Snacks

03/11/2007: Tissues, Toilet Paper and Sales Receipts

02/25/2007: When Did I Become Old?

02/23/2007: *Great Confession from our Role Mommy Giveaway Winner!

02/16/2007: The Guilt Trip

02/05/2007: Say Goodnight Gracie

01/31/2007: *Melinda's Confession...Winner of Our Giveaway for The Pepper Kids!

01/31/2007: Divide and Conquer...The Rebuttal

01/27/2007: Divide and Conquer

01/19/2007: Folk Dance Frenzy

01/11/2007: Confessions by Marion...Birthday Madness

01/07/2007: Confessions from Design-her Gal

12/26/2006: Funeral for a Friend

12/10/2006: The Fish

12/03/2006: The Princess and the Band Aid

11/25/2006: NOBODY HOME...

11/19/2006: BUY OUR NEW BOOK...Peeing in Peace!!!

11/11/2006: Why Bother

11/03/2006: The Grapes of Wrath

10/24/2006: SHOPPING ON THE FLY

10/13/2006: CROTCH CONUNDRUM

10/02/2006: The Dishwasher

09/29/2006: LOST IN SUBURBIA? by Tracy Beckerman

09/21/2006: The Mix Tape

09/15/2006: Taunted by a Tamogotchi

09/10/2006: I'm Changing My Name

09/08/2006: LOST IN SUBURBIA? by Tracy Beckerman

09/02/2006: THE HUMAN COAT RACK

08/13/2006: WE'RE TORTURED BY THE WIZARD!

08/09/2006: LOST IN SUBURBIA? by Tracy Beckerman...In the Pink©

08/08/2006: The Holey War

08/06/2006: Mr. Bed Hog

08/04/2006: Pet Peeve

07/26/2006: LOST IN SUBURBIA? by Tracy Beckerman..The Fungus Among Us©.

07/22/2006: The Escort Service

07/20/2006: The Guilt Trip

07/13/2006: LOST IN SUBURBIA? by Tracy Beckerman...Greetings From Disney World©

07/05/2006: L.A. Weight Gain

07/04/2006: The Necklace

06/25/2006: No Kicking Please!

06/14/2006: Back to the 80's

06/09/2006: The Diet

06/06/2006: The Minnie Van

06/01/2006: rolemommyconfessions

05/26/2006: rolemommyconfessions

04/06/2006: rolemommyconfessions

01/14/2006: It's Been a While

11/08/2005: Confession #7 - Pediatrician Paranoia

11/07/2005: Confession #6 - Get Me Outta the Girl Scouts!

11/07/2005: Confession #5 - Bedtime Bribery

11/07/2005: Confession #4 - Souvenier Insanity

11/07/2005: Confession #3 - The Boo Boo Bunny Mystery

11/07/2005: Confession #2 - Did Desmond Tutu Ever Wear a Tutu?

11/07/2005: Confession #1 - Painful Playdates

11/06/2005: Who needs to go to confession when you've got a blog!