Rolemommy

oh gosh, too many times with the rude kids and the parent's not doing anything. i think right now it is more about a rude kid and the mom is not rude, but she just is not paying attention to her kids, she is chit chatting. i think that is rude. ahhh, when your kid is 2, you need to watch them in the park. one time a group of kids where teasing and then hit my little one. i had to reprimand them bc their mothers were off chit chatting, one of the tots began to cry and the mother came over and she gave me a look of death. as if i did somthing wrong....oh i was pissed

For two years, I taught pre-kindergarten at a private, Christian school that attracted the young, affluent families in the community.

It was here I learned just how much children can mimic their parents' behavior - both good and bad.

Early in my second year, I asked my class of 16 4-aand-5-year olds to begin clean up after center time.

One little girl just sat down, smoothed her monogrammed dress and watched her classmates pick up toys and put learning centers back in their boxes.

"Please help clean up," I told her.

"I don't clean up," she told me, defiantly in her still-baby voice. "That's what the maid is for."

When I related the tale to her mother (in a very jovial way) at pick-up time, expecting her to either be horrified or apologetic, the mother responded, "Well, she's right, that's why we have a cleaning lady!"

I couldn't believe my ears!

Needless to say, one of my pet projects for the year was getting this little girl to realize that, as part of the classroom community, it was her "job" to participate in all ways, cleaning up included!

I try really, REALLY hard not to pass judgment too quickly when I see bratty kids, because too often, it's MY family who is getting the hairy eyeball from others.

There are situations where the parents are not doing enough to reign in their children, which can be unpleasant to witness. But in today's day and age, 1 out of every 150 children has autism, including my 5-year-old son.

It's not at all unusual for him to get overwhelmed by the bright lights and background noises and fall to pieces for a moment. Usually, he straightens right up and calms down when we talk through it, but there have been times when I've had to carry him out of a store.

I always want to tell people to try and be compassionate and patient when they're out shopping - after all, it's only a couple of minutes of your life we're talking about, and the bratty child you're glaring at might be doing the best he can in a situation that's downright scary for him.

Beyond the autism angle, though, I've definitely experienced my share of rudeness from children! Most annoying to me is the lack of common courtesy over the phone. I hardly ever hear, "Hi, this is so-and-so. May I speak with Kayley?" It's usually, "Is Kayley there?" or "Let me talk to Kayley." Annoying!

This time the rude child was mine. My mom ran into her brother-and-law the other day, and she had my kids with her. My uncle said a belated happy birthday to my son (it was two weeks ago) and my son immediately said "Thanks. Can you buy me something for my birthday?" Grrrrr!

At seven, birthdays are all about attention, gifts, and parties. At least they were for me. So I've been drilling him on the rules, that you can only ask Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma to buy you things for your birthday.

You bring up a great topic. It's important to understand, like the reader above, that there are special cases and to extend grace toward a mom. But your question is about our own children. I had three children in 19 months (twins!)and it was important to teach them how to listen to mom, that there were consequences that would always happen if they disobeyed on purpose, and how to have fun and be safe when at a restaurant or at the park or in the mall. From a very small age, we explained the "Eller" rules. This is what the Eller family does, we would say. If you throw a fit in WalMart, we leave and there are reasonable consequences when we get home. It was consistent so they knew what to expect every single time. Having those guidelines and consequences meant I didn't have to have meltdowns in response to their meltdown. It meant that my little ones knew that momma meant what she said. It also meant that they grew up to be respectful, but not rigid. Does this make sense? They are now young adults and we are close, and sometime in the next few years they'll become parents. They all say they'll do the same.

Laura's (LaLa Girl) post reminded me of something horrifying that happened just last week. My 6 1/2 year old son also has autism and we've been in her shoes when we've had to carry him out of stores. He does well now, but there's always those times when he becomes overstimulated without much warning.

Last week we were in Wal-Mart and he was staring at the lights and ceiling fans and trying to mimic the round-and-round action of the fans with his arms.

The woman in line behind us asked me if he was mentally retarded!!!!!!!!!! I replied that no, he is autistic and she said, "Isn't that the same thing?"

I gave her my brief autism spiel, but it never ceases to amaze me the things adults will comment on!

In my opinion, all kids are rude/naughty at some time or the other. That's natural. What bugs me is when parents consistently make excuses for or don't try to guide their kid's behavior. What's that line in "Remember the Titans"..."attitude reflects leadership"...

Remember that old adage? "Children learn what they live." It is SO true.
My grown children aren't perfect; they inherited their imperfection from me! Fortunately, they survived my parenting and turned into wonderful adults.

From my son when he was little, I learned a lesson. When I told him "no" on one occasion, he asked if I would tell him why. He wanted me to explain why I was saying "no." (This means more than just "because I said so.") After that, I tried to make myself explain why I said "yes" or "no" to my children. This taught me that I was saying "no" much too often because sometimes I didn't even have a reason for what I was saying. This went way beyond just "yes" and "no", however, and extended to disciplinary words, like telling the children to use inside voices. I needed to explain WHY we use inside voices. If I wanted to change my children's behavior, I first needed to change my own.

Something I learned from my mom was the importance of bragging on children, re-enforcing good behavior and good things. It builds self-esteem. I don't believe there is a child in the world who wouldn't rather hear positive re-enforcement instead of being fussed at or corrected. How often do we tell a child he or she is being good when nothing is going on? If a child is being nice, tell the child. And thank a child for doing little things, for being good, like "Johnny, you were SO good in the grocery store today. Thank you very much. That makes mommy so happy."

These are things I tried to change about myself to lessen the number of bad behavior episodes in public - and in private.

Now, having written all of this, I have to admit there were times I didn't think my children and I would survive the teenage years. Somehow, though, we did. Parenting teens is a whole different subject!

Is it really rude to say "Is Kayley there?" because that's what I say when I call someone, in fact that's what probably 99% of our incoming caller say, too. I agree that "Let me talk to Kayley" is rude.

I'd prefer, however, not to have callers say "Hi this is xxx..." maybe I'm weird that way. I hate when children answer the phone and don't know what to do with it. "Give the phone to your mommy, OK"

Though I hate to say it - right now, my kids are the rude ones...but thankfully, only to me and my husband. People are always telling me what great manners they have - but at home...well, let's just say I'm glad no fast-moving buses were around last night when my son told me I had lost his Pokemon card and I'd "better do something about it or else." (Of course he HAD his card all along.)
I guess I can take comfort in the fact that my kids are at least polite to others. Not like a friend of mine's daughter who, when I asked her if she liked swimming at camp answered "well Duh. Everyone likes swimming. That's a stupid question!"

Yeah.

Good thing there were no buses around then either.

I have one word for parents with rude and misbehaving children "KARATE."
In Karate children learn respect and self-control. I know because I had a strong-willed child who was very disrespectful. Since enrolling him in Karate he is a different child and a pleasure to take out in the public!

Hello!

I do see kids that are rude on occasion, but in a lot of ways, I cant blame the child, I blame the parents. And to be honest, I often think....that kid maybe needs a nap, had a bad day, maybe is down about something, I dont attribute it automatically to just a bad KID.

I only know my daughter. And I know when she is acting up and I will immediatly stop whatever she is doing. If that is by bringing her home, taking her aside, trying to calm her down. I dont rule by fear, but I also do not let her walk on me. I am the mom, she is the child. SHe listens, or we leave.

HOwever, im probably the mom you also see in the store w/ one kid under her arm walking out like its no big deal that their kid is screaming bloody murder. I dont let it get to me at all.

I can say from experiance that if you let a bratty kid get thier way, just so you dont have to deal with it, you have a bratty adult..my sister is one.

trisha
www.momdot.com

I am in the business of behavior. I am an educator (for 15 years) and my product encourages appropriate behavior in a fun way.

I feel that when children are taught how to behave properly and are encouraged to do so from an early age, they know what is expected of them. Children look to their parents as role models, and will do as they are shown more often than what they are told.

Children learn best from modeling (and I don't mean the runway kind). When adults model polite, respectful behavior, kids will in turn be polite and respectful. Of course, there will be times when they need reminding, but when there is a solid foundation, getting them back on track is a bit easier.

I wonder sometimes if it's a fear of others that keep parents from disciplining their children outside of the home. I've seen my share of rudeness and I've also done my share. However, this story still disturbs me and it was from a few years ago when I was a waitress at Denny's. This family had come in and while enjoying their dinner, one of their little ones began to disrupt things. The mother, trying to be discrete (in my opinion) took her child to the bathroom (instead of doing it in front of everyone) and proceeded to give him a spanking after not heeding her warnings at the table. Not a minute later one of my coworkers was on the phone calling the police because of this mother's action to spank her child. Come on now...really? It's not like she was abusing the child! I was bewildered because I had grown up with spankings and am to this day very appreciative of them (not that they didn't hurt like heck). I learned very early of how I was suppose to act. If I interrupted a conversation with mommy, mommy, mommy, or other over repeated phrases while mom or day were in a conversation I was given a spanking and whatever I was asking for (probably to have a friend over after church) I didn't get it. However, my parents also always, ALWAYS waited til we were home or took me to a closet (in our church basement) etc before doing the spanking...which is, in my opinion, what should be done. You can discipline your children without humiliating them in front of everyone and making a scene. Also, the child needs to be told why he/she is being disciplined and told that they are loved but they also need to learn that there are things you just don't do.
Oh and by the way... I still to this day do not interrupt people.

ok when kids are bad well you see thay know as to who and what thay can get a way with and when thay can and cant well get a way with some thing and welli think all children as well as us grown up's are like that and well its just part of life and one must learn how to be on that right side and not the worng one thanks