Laptop Naptime Mama
A Laptop Naptime Mama
People often ask me how I?ve managed to write and sell two novels while a.) being a stay-at-home mum, and b.) being at stay-at-home mum with a four year old son who is homeschooling/unschooling/not-bothering-with-that-whole-school-thing and therefore is always by my side?or thereabouts.
Well, if any of you?re interested or crazy enough to want to try such a motherhood-meets-author lifestyle, here?s five insights and tips:
1. rearrange traditional sleeping schedules ? I have managed to train Benny into sleeping incredibly late in the mornings. In fact, he gets up at noon. Yes, noon! This means, of course, that he also stays up late at night. Now, I know a lot of mother?s would shudder at the thought of their children staying up beyond nine because they need their ?me? time with a glass of wine and watching The Late Show without the whines of ?mama? ringing in their tired ears. If your such a mama, this sleep routine might not be for you. However, if you can stomach it and you can train your child into enjoying The Late Show and pouring your wine for you, I?m telling you there?s a whole lot of writing you can do between 8 and noon every morning while Sleepy Head is still in the world of Z?s.
2. sneakily sharing childcare ? If you manage to train your child into this sleep routine and you have a partner in the house, this means childcare will be shared for a good proportion of the day. For me, I only really have to care for Benny on my own from noon to 6ish each day. Brad comes home from work after that and Benny?s whines, demands for juice, and pleas for more books to be read to him, can be equally divided between us.
3. educational kid?s DVDs ? Yes, I rely heavily on the TV for those moments when I need to simultaneously do the laundry, reply to my editor?s email, update my blog, finish the paragraph I was working on that morning, and finalize the details for Benny?s afternoon play date. I only put DVDs in the machine for Benny and don?t let him just idly flick between channels (while sitting in his underwear). I get to choose what he watches, therefore, and I?m careful to pick DVDs which are teaching him things which I, at that moment, am currently too preoccupied to teach him. Thanks to the Leapfrog DVD collection, together with Word World and Between the Lions, Benny is pretty much reading ? if sentences like ?The cat sat on the big mat? count as reading.
4. reading in the bathroom ? A lot of people already do this, I know. But if your going to follow tips 1-3, you must take bathroom-reading very seriously. Every time you go ? yes, every time ? you must commit yourself to quickly reading a few paragraphs, ideally a page. It leads to a herky-jerky feeling with novel. But, there is little time to read if your writing in the mornings and entertaining your little ?un in the evenings. And reading other novels is a must for wannabe and established authors. So bathroom reading is essential. I have finished a good number of novels while sitting on the john, getting those delightful red marks on the back of my thighs and a slightly chilled behind!
5. surround yourself with good people ? A sympathetic mama-crew is essential. Of course, they don?t have to all be mamas. They can be dads or nannies too. But what is important is that the people you hang out with must be understanding. They mustn?t grumble if you?re always late for play dates because you just had to answer that one comment on your blog or someone posted something interesting on the online writer?s forum you belong to or an interesting chapter in a book meant you couldn?t get off the toilet. Your crew must smile and nod when you blather on about a scene in your novel that you?ve been struggling with for weeks. Furthermore, they should understand that talking about this tricky scene is far more important to you than talking about children?s learning levels or whether a four year old boy should be standing to pee or sitting. Most importantly, they must not judge you for your seemingly crazy lifestyle.
So there you go. Not a life for everyone, I understand. But it works for me, and my novels, and my sanity. Plus, Benny doesn?t seem to complain too much?yet.
Well, if any of you?re interested or crazy enough to want to try such a motherhood-meets-author lifestyle, here?s five insights and tips:
1. rearrange traditional sleeping schedules ? I have managed to train Benny into sleeping incredibly late in the mornings. In fact, he gets up at noon. Yes, noon! This means, of course, that he also stays up late at night. Now, I know a lot of mother?s would shudder at the thought of their children staying up beyond nine because they need their ?me? time with a glass of wine and watching The Late Show without the whines of ?mama? ringing in their tired ears. If your such a mama, this sleep routine might not be for you. However, if you can stomach it and you can train your child into enjoying The Late Show and pouring your wine for you, I?m telling you there?s a whole lot of writing you can do between 8 and noon every morning while Sleepy Head is still in the world of Z?s.
2. sneakily sharing childcare ? If you manage to train your child into this sleep routine and you have a partner in the house, this means childcare will be shared for a good proportion of the day. For me, I only really have to care for Benny on my own from noon to 6ish each day. Brad comes home from work after that and Benny?s whines, demands for juice, and pleas for more books to be read to him, can be equally divided between us.
3. educational kid?s DVDs ? Yes, I rely heavily on the TV for those moments when I need to simultaneously do the laundry, reply to my editor?s email, update my blog, finish the paragraph I was working on that morning, and finalize the details for Benny?s afternoon play date. I only put DVDs in the machine for Benny and don?t let him just idly flick between channels (while sitting in his underwear). I get to choose what he watches, therefore, and I?m careful to pick DVDs which are teaching him things which I, at that moment, am currently too preoccupied to teach him. Thanks to the Leapfrog DVD collection, together with Word World and Between the Lions, Benny is pretty much reading ? if sentences like ?The cat sat on the big mat? count as reading.
4. reading in the bathroom ? A lot of people already do this, I know. But if your going to follow tips 1-3, you must take bathroom-reading very seriously. Every time you go ? yes, every time ? you must commit yourself to quickly reading a few paragraphs, ideally a page. It leads to a herky-jerky feeling with novel. But, there is little time to read if your writing in the mornings and entertaining your little ?un in the evenings. And reading other novels is a must for wannabe and established authors. So bathroom reading is essential. I have finished a good number of novels while sitting on the john, getting those delightful red marks on the back of my thighs and a slightly chilled behind!
5. surround yourself with good people ? A sympathetic mama-crew is essential. Of course, they don?t have to all be mamas. They can be dads or nannies too. But what is important is that the people you hang out with must be understanding. They mustn?t grumble if you?re always late for play dates because you just had to answer that one comment on your blog or someone posted something interesting on the online writer?s forum you belong to or an interesting chapter in a book meant you couldn?t get off the toilet. Your crew must smile and nod when you blather on about a scene in your novel that you?ve been struggling with for weeks. Furthermore, they should understand that talking about this tricky scene is far more important to you than talking about children?s learning levels or whether a four year old boy should be standing to pee or sitting. Most importantly, they must not judge you for your seemingly crazy lifestyle.
So there you go. Not a life for everyone, I understand. But it works for me, and my novels, and my sanity. Plus, Benny doesn?t seem to complain too much?yet.
For more of Joanne Rendell's writing, Click Here.
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Posted in: Blog, Laptop Naptime Mama on 02/16/2008
The Shoes that Broke the Camel's Back
A while ago, a mum friend of mine recounted how she ?completely lost it? over a pair of child size sparkly silver shoes. Her husband was off at a wedding in California for the weekend while she stayed home with her immensely loveable yet abundantly lively three year old twins. Her son and daughter kept my friend on her ?temporarily-single-parent? toes for most of the weekend with their differing demands and their uncoordinated highs and lows (for those of you who have twins, let me say, I am in awe. How do you do it?).
Anyway, my friend was surviving? just about. But on Sunday afternoon her daughter took off her sparkly shoes just at the moment when the trio were about to leave the house ? after a good half an hour of preparing for the departure, finding coats, getting on shoes, hunting for lost toys. That was when my friend ?lost it.? That was when she bawled, red-cheeked, at her little girl sending both wide-eyed and startled kids into floods of tears.
As much as we don?t like to admit it, those of us who look after little ?uns have probably all been there. The moment when we can endure no more the whines, the cries, the ?no?s,? the flailing arms, the rigid refusing little bodies, or the mischievous runs and jumps in the exact opposite direction we want our child to go. It?s the moment where we loose our rag, our twig snaps, and the anger bubble rises up and pops. Harsh words escape our mouths, our eyes narrow, our cheeks flame, our nostrils flare, and sometimes we stomp out of the room.
I don?t loose it too often. Benny is a pretty easy going kid; I?m pretty easy going too. But, yep, I admit it, there have been times. Only the other day it happened and, funnily enough, it was also over a pair of shoes. Not sparkly in my case, but a similarly child-sized and innocent-looking pair of red sneakers.
For a while now, Benny has been a real home body. He loves nothing more than to be in our apartment, cozy in his pajamas, playing with his trains, or his magnetic letters, or tapping away on his computer. But staying in all days drives me a little bonkers and also when Benny does get out, he always loves the park or playgroup or library or whatever adventure I take him on.
However, he never remembers this at the moment when I say, ?We have to go now, Benny.? He puts up fierce resistance regarding getting dressed, going to the bathroom, having his hair brushed, and putting his coat on. First, he tries the sweet ?Let?s go later, mama.? Then, his tries the impish running away, laughing and hiding. When that doesn?t work, he starts to whine as I manhandle him into his clothes while telling him I understand he doesn?t want to leave his trains but he will soon be having fun at the library/playground/whatever.
The other day we were going through this familiar routine and just as I managed to tie up the second and final shoe onto Benny?s resistant foot, he somehow managed to kick off the first shoe. Looking back I don?t think he did it on purpose. But at that moment, after minutes of struggling and pleading with reluctant Benny, it really seemed he?d done it to infuriate me. My annoyance, which was already simmering, bubbled over into fury. I yelled at him in a voice I hardly ever, almost never, use. I kicked his shoe against the door. My pulse raced.
But, then, as I turned to face Benny, I saw his eyes sparkling with tears. ?Don?t shout,? he said in a beseeching and frightened whispers. Guilt stabbed immediately, deep and hard. Before I knew it, I was hugging him tight and apologizing for raising my voice. If Benny hadn?t said, ?That?s okay, Mama,? in a sweet and joking voice, making me laugh, I might have shed a tear too.
Thankfully, kids seem to forget and forgive pretty damn fast. Only a little while later, Benny was happily skipping through the library and then snuggling on my lap to read books. My guilt, however, lasted all day.
It?s understandable that we loose it sometimes. Kids certainly test us to our limits. It?s also understandable that its often innocuous looking shoes which are the trigger. After all, getting those darn little shoes on kicking feet is often the last in a long line of tiring battles we?ve had when trying to get our kids ready and out of the door.
Yet, however understandable or common amongst parents these moments of fury are, the guilt always seems to follow and the memory of our kids shocked faces lingers. Perhaps it leaves us feeling uneasy mostly because, in those moments, we are confronted with our humanness, our volatility and unexpectedness, and the fact we?re not so different from our passionate, indignant, and temperamental little charges.
Check out Benny?s blog at http://theworldaccordingtobenny.blogspot.com/ and my own Naptime Writer blog at http://joannerendell.blogspot.com/
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Anyway, my friend was surviving? just about. But on Sunday afternoon her daughter took off her sparkly shoes just at the moment when the trio were about to leave the house ? after a good half an hour of preparing for the departure, finding coats, getting on shoes, hunting for lost toys. That was when my friend ?lost it.? That was when she bawled, red-cheeked, at her little girl sending both wide-eyed and startled kids into floods of tears.
As much as we don?t like to admit it, those of us who look after little ?uns have probably all been there. The moment when we can endure no more the whines, the cries, the ?no?s,? the flailing arms, the rigid refusing little bodies, or the mischievous runs and jumps in the exact opposite direction we want our child to go. It?s the moment where we loose our rag, our twig snaps, and the anger bubble rises up and pops. Harsh words escape our mouths, our eyes narrow, our cheeks flame, our nostrils flare, and sometimes we stomp out of the room.
I don?t loose it too often. Benny is a pretty easy going kid; I?m pretty easy going too. But, yep, I admit it, there have been times. Only the other day it happened and, funnily enough, it was also over a pair of shoes. Not sparkly in my case, but a similarly child-sized and innocent-looking pair of red sneakers.
For a while now, Benny has been a real home body. He loves nothing more than to be in our apartment, cozy in his pajamas, playing with his trains, or his magnetic letters, or tapping away on his computer. But staying in all days drives me a little bonkers and also when Benny does get out, he always loves the park or playgroup or library or whatever adventure I take him on.
However, he never remembers this at the moment when I say, ?We have to go now, Benny.? He puts up fierce resistance regarding getting dressed, going to the bathroom, having his hair brushed, and putting his coat on. First, he tries the sweet ?Let?s go later, mama.? Then, his tries the impish running away, laughing and hiding. When that doesn?t work, he starts to whine as I manhandle him into his clothes while telling him I understand he doesn?t want to leave his trains but he will soon be having fun at the library/playground/whatever.
The other day we were going through this familiar routine and just as I managed to tie up the second and final shoe onto Benny?s resistant foot, he somehow managed to kick off the first shoe. Looking back I don?t think he did it on purpose. But at that moment, after minutes of struggling and pleading with reluctant Benny, it really seemed he?d done it to infuriate me. My annoyance, which was already simmering, bubbled over into fury. I yelled at him in a voice I hardly ever, almost never, use. I kicked his shoe against the door. My pulse raced.
But, then, as I turned to face Benny, I saw his eyes sparkling with tears. ?Don?t shout,? he said in a beseeching and frightened whispers. Guilt stabbed immediately, deep and hard. Before I knew it, I was hugging him tight and apologizing for raising my voice. If Benny hadn?t said, ?That?s okay, Mama,? in a sweet and joking voice, making me laugh, I might have shed a tear too.
Thankfully, kids seem to forget and forgive pretty damn fast. Only a little while later, Benny was happily skipping through the library and then snuggling on my lap to read books. My guilt, however, lasted all day.
It?s understandable that we loose it sometimes. Kids certainly test us to our limits. It?s also understandable that its often innocuous looking shoes which are the trigger. After all, getting those darn little shoes on kicking feet is often the last in a long line of tiring battles we?ve had when trying to get our kids ready and out of the door.
Yet, however understandable or common amongst parents these moments of fury are, the guilt always seems to follow and the memory of our kids shocked faces lingers. Perhaps it leaves us feeling uneasy mostly because, in those moments, we are confronted with our humanness, our volatility and unexpectedness, and the fact we?re not so different from our passionate, indignant, and temperamental little charges.
Check out Benny?s blog at http://theworldaccordingtobenny.blogspot.com/ and my own Naptime Writer blog at http://joannerendell.blogspot.com/
Posted in: Blog, Laptop Naptime Mama on 12/04/2007
Who are the Real Freaks on Halloween by Joanne Rendell
I party-pooped all over Benny?s fourth birthday by not throwing him some sugared-up extravaganza with clowns, bouncy castles, bells and whistles. And I have to admit I party-pooped with Halloween too.
Although this time, in my defense, I was following Benny?s lead.
Benny?s imagination is in full and colorful flight at the moment. He plays and talks endlessly with his toys and lives in all kinds of interesting and fanciful worlds. I love watching him, hearing him. However, this growing imagination comes with the inevitable flipside. The bad dreams, the sensitivities, the fears of even the smallest, most innocent seeming things.
Although I am very careful about what Benny watches and reads (even ?Finding Nemo? is considered too scary in our house), dreams of monsters still wake him up at night. Books with even a vaguely dark or creepy cover are thrown back on the library shelves. Fighting or shouting on television makes Benny immediately snap it off. And even, sometimes, the New York skyline at night looks to Benny like a ?huge scary dinosaur.?
I knew, then, the moment the plastic Jack-o-Lanterns started appearing in the stores, Halloween wasn?t going to be Benny?s favorite time of year. And I was right. As soon as he smacked eyes on the lanterns and the creepy costumes in the Halloween store in our neighborhood, he was horrified.
Last week, in the run up to the big night, I thought I better explain in more detail what this whole Halloween thing is all about. (Benny?s not doing the preschool thing, so he doesn?t have a group of excited peers to explain the ins and out of ghouls, ghosts, and trick or treating). When I?d finished with my explanation and asked if he wanted to dress up, he looked at me with a firm gaze and said, ?No. I don?t like Halloween. It?s scary.?
So, the other night when Halloween rolled around, Benny and I ducked out of the parties we?d been invited too, ignored the trick or treating knocks on the door, and laid low with not a costume in sight.
Later in the evening we nipped out to the store to get some milk and on our short walk were confronted by numerous concerned people asking Benny ?where?s your costume?? ?did you get any candy?? ?do you want my scary mask?? (cue terrified glances and near-tears from Benny). It occurred to me, as I tried to dodge and escape these well-meaning people, that in not joining in the Halloween-mania, Benny and I were perhaps the biggest, most ghoulish Halloween freaks of all.
Although this time, in my defense, I was following Benny?s lead.
Benny?s imagination is in full and colorful flight at the moment. He plays and talks endlessly with his toys and lives in all kinds of interesting and fanciful worlds. I love watching him, hearing him. However, this growing imagination comes with the inevitable flipside. The bad dreams, the sensitivities, the fears of even the smallest, most innocent seeming things.
Although I am very careful about what Benny watches and reads (even ?Finding Nemo? is considered too scary in our house), dreams of monsters still wake him up at night. Books with even a vaguely dark or creepy cover are thrown back on the library shelves. Fighting or shouting on television makes Benny immediately snap it off. And even, sometimes, the New York skyline at night looks to Benny like a ?huge scary dinosaur.?
I knew, then, the moment the plastic Jack-o-Lanterns started appearing in the stores, Halloween wasn?t going to be Benny?s favorite time of year. And I was right. As soon as he smacked eyes on the lanterns and the creepy costumes in the Halloween store in our neighborhood, he was horrified.
Last week, in the run up to the big night, I thought I better explain in more detail what this whole Halloween thing is all about. (Benny?s not doing the preschool thing, so he doesn?t have a group of excited peers to explain the ins and out of ghouls, ghosts, and trick or treating). When I?d finished with my explanation and asked if he wanted to dress up, he looked at me with a firm gaze and said, ?No. I don?t like Halloween. It?s scary.?
So, the other night when Halloween rolled around, Benny and I ducked out of the parties we?d been invited too, ignored the trick or treating knocks on the door, and laid low with not a costume in sight.
Later in the evening we nipped out to the store to get some milk and on our short walk were confronted by numerous concerned people asking Benny ?where?s your costume?? ?did you get any candy?? ?do you want my scary mask?? (cue terrified glances and near-tears from Benny). It occurred to me, as I tried to dodge and escape these well-meaning people, that in not joining in the Halloween-mania, Benny and I were perhaps the biggest, most ghoulish Halloween freaks of all.
For more of Joanne's musings, visit her blog at www.joannerendell.blogspot.com. To return to Role Mommy, Click Here.
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Posted in: Blog, Laptop Naptime Mama on 11/02/2007
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