(da)D-List of Signs It's Time For Kids to Go Back to School
The latest hilarious D-list for parents from The Kid Dictionary author and dad, Eric Ruhalter...
1. Mom's voice no longer registers in kids' ears.
2. Every family member has consumed twice their body weight in Hamburgers and Hot Dogs. And Freez-Pops are under consideration to become their own food group.
3. Kids now so bored with the pool that they'd rather go clothes shopping.
4. Food left in lunch box since June has grown into a large furry purple organism that is pushing open the pantry doors.
5. The ice cream man has taken in 10% of parents' combined annual salaries.
6. All school summer reading materials have been ignored, lost, replaced and ignored and lost again.
7. Children now so tan that chocolate ice cream (purchased from the wealthy ice cream man) is no longer noticeable when they get it all over their faces.
8. Lack of intellectual stimulation has rendered kids incapable following the plot of a Sponge Bob episode.
9. Kids just finally getting used to sleeping in enough that catching the morning school bus will be a problem.
10. Mom is standing on the edge of the roof, ranting unintelligibly, wearing nothing but an inner tube, a faux fox fur boa and a conquistador helmet, and swinging a dead trout in circles over her head.
Eric Ruhalter is the creator of funny gift book series for parents: "The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids." Take a hysterical look inside them by watching the videos at www.TheKidDictionary.com. Looking's always free. Eric lives in Morristown, NJ with his wife Kara and 3 vocabulary-defying children. Eric Recently won the Morristown Green Film Festival with his short "Good For the Earth"