Rolemommy

You seriously have been peaking into my brain!
I spend ALL my time blogging with my kids until they go to sleep and then my husband sits in his office working while I blog in the living room.
We are sooooo disfunctional.

Even though I'm physically with my kids while they play, I still feel guilty like we could be doing something else (like laundry).

I need to start a "no computer" day once a week....although imagine the email backlog...

I work during the day and only blog at night and on weekends. I don't feel guilt about not spending more time with hubby, I ask all the time if he wants to watch something at night and he's already doing his thing with the remote. My older son knows most of the reasons I blog and understands, he even tries to help by chatting with me when I write, or giving me ideas or asking me questions.

oh yes guilt is never ending here, I think the kids seem to be ok with my internet addiction b/c they are so use to me being on it, but i pop on and off to play with them, make them lunch, go outside, plus i am obviously doing activities outside of the home with them more of the time. but i see how bad it is, i will sit to play with them and they start to do their own thing, and I run to the mac. i think it is even worse for hubby, i run to the mac as soon as we get home from anywhere, he starts talking to me and i start typing. it is BAD. I do need to take a break, or limit my time. I feel like it is my therapy !!!

Homework Battles - Having trouble with getting your child to do homework? A solution I used with my children gives your child control and motivation.

Have your child write out all his homework assignments on a 3 x 5 card, with the estimated time he thinks he'll need to complete each one.

Next, have him plan out a homework schedule, interspersing homework time with a video game, a game with you, a TV show, shooting hoops, etc. I recommend 30 minutes studying and 15 minutes to play with longer study times for older kids, shorter for younger.

I found that my kids were motivated to complete their homework in the time they estimated so they could get to playing. By creating a homework schedule, they could see an end in sight and not feel their afternoon was an endless expanse of time devoted to homework.

If your child underestimates the time it will take to complete an assignment, make sure the play time is honored. Having a change of scenery and tasks refreshes the brain.

Give your child a chance to refuel before tackling homework, if needed.

A suggestion: study your child. One of my daughters, an introvert, was depleted both physically and socially when she came home from school because she had used up all her words. She needed food and time to regroup before she was ready to talk about her day. My other daughter, also an introvert, wouldn't use up her words at school and was a chatterbox because she felt more comfortable using her words at home. Knowing your child helps you create an atmosphere of success for them!

Guilt is my middle name nowadays. I created a product called OnTray and bringing a product to market takes time...lots of it! I am a stay-at-home mom to three boys (7, 4 & 3), but I'm also a wife and an entrepreneur. It is hard, but as my husband reminds me, the business is in it's infancy stage. Hopefully I won't be the one wearing all of the hats in the company down the road. It's a means to an end, and I try to just stay aware of how much time I'm spending on business and make sure it's not more than the time I spend with my husband and kids. Some days are better than others!

I think the guilt will be there, regardless of how much, or how little, time you put toward your family.

As a stay at home mom to three kids ages five and under, I have set very specific parameters for myself. I work/write for 1-3 hours in the morning, only one of which is while my kids are actually awake. I may answer a few quick emails during the day while they are up and about with me, but mostly I reserve my next stint of "computer time" for nap/quiet time during the early afternoon. The next chunck of time I put toward my own "work" (as if I haven't been working all day long!) is in the evening, after my husband is home. At that point, he can take over interacting with the kids while I exit the scene to write some more.

Between managing my own blog, writing a new book and promoting my existing book, there are plenty of things pulling me toward my computer. But like Beth, I don't want to be the woman who has a tween or teen look me in the eye and tell me that I devoted too much of my time to THE MACHINE.

Thanks for the reminder of this important balance, Beth.

The best advice I can give for boys of moms (since I have three) is:

1. Buy comfortable active clothes for all weather conditions - you will be outside more then you ever knew..

2. Sports are important for boys social networks - but don't pinhole them into one - keep experimenting with sports until you find one THEY like and will pursue.

3. Play games with them - even if it is tag. Or just take a walk together. Boys will open up and talk more when they are engaged with you. They just don't sit and "share" feelings like gals do...

4. Boys are more squirmy by nature, support them and help them understand the rules - but let them have opportunities to let off steam so they can regulate themselves..

5. Enjoy them - boys are really sweet and love their mamas!!!!

I know what you mean, my husband and I had to establish a no internet zone after 5:30 pm because it was cutting into our family life. But one of the things the situation raised for us was: why are we all so lonely within our families that we are constantly trying to reach out to tons of other people (often faceless people) by rushing to our computers and blogging? I've often felt that there's something inherently lonely about motherhood, while at the same time it's rich with company. But I think there's something about having so little time to ourselves that makes us try to steal it by just being on the computer--although ironically we end up trying to connect to people we aren't that intimate with.

Sigh. It's all complicated, isn't it?

I used to be part of the high-tech rat race. Then I realized I was missing out on so much in life, including time spent with my kids. It's not about what you achieve, it's how you move through your experiences. I've since taken a cue from the Dalai Lama and Eckhart Tolle and Rumi and other spiritual teachers - and try to detach, be present in the moment, give love through compassion. You can do all that with your blogging, but don't forget the people in your life! My daughter is 16, and I am so glad I left my high tech career some six years ago. My life is simpler now, I'm there for my kids (not as a helicopter parent, more free-range), and I have no regrets. I'm cherishing every moment.

I SO understand the challenge. I'm constantly renegotiating how I spend my time. What helps is that when I'm working, I'm totally working. When I'm with my kids, I try to be totally into whatever we're doing together. As moms, it's not easy juggling everything...that's for sure!

I too feel guilty about texting. My 6 year old took and old blackberry of mine and she is constantly fake texting. It is bizarre.

But my real guilt lies in being jealous of other kids. My daughter is in soccer camp this week and every day they give out a player of the day. She never gets it. One girl won it yesterday and today even when a little boy won it, they commented on how great the girl from yesterday played again today! Rude.
I saw my daughter! She was in there kicking her little heart out. My husband thinks today's kids get too many awards but it kills me when she doesn't. I don't care about other parents, I just want her to know she is as good as the others even if she doesn't have that stupid piece of paper.
Arrgh!
I will keep telling her she's awesome but I have to contol my jealousy of 6 year olds.
;)

Imagine, if you will, that you are a stay-at-home mom and your two children go away to summer camp for SEVEN weeks. You want to talk about guilt? I have the MOTHER of all guilt! The other 45 weeks of the year I am so busy catering to their needs I feel like a mombot. Then, all of a sudden, they are gone. Woosh. Happily off to the wilds of the Poconos where they will swim, and play ga-ga, and NOT brush their teeth or their hair or fold their clothes and they will have a fabulous time being independent and unwashed. And even though I know that they are having a fabulous time, I will still be overcome with guilt. Why? Because after joking all winter with my husband when he asked me what I did all day that I was "just sittin' around eating bonbons," I am now, actually, just sittin' around eating bonbons.
Of course I have my column to write and a tiny bit of laundry to do and I still have to feed the dog and the lizard and the chinchilla. But for the most part, I HAVE NOTHING TO DO. (Do you hate me?).
The sad part is I have a lot of trouble enjoying my vacation because I feel guilty that I am a stay at home mother with no one to mother.
Ask me about internet guilt, or pedicure guilt, or even time-on-the-toilet guilt anytime during the rest of the year. Right now I have camp guilt and I will keep feeling guilty until they get off the bus on saturday and then I will feel instantly unguilty and immediately wish I had more time to myself. :)

You know I'm only a phone call away! But here are some quick tips for dealing with guilt associated with technology:

1. Honor thy kitchen timer and keep it holy. Meaning, set the timer for 15 minutes and then do something else. Play with the kids, go outside, maybe breaking up the time into increments might be easier on everyone.

2. Do unto others and try to consider if they would do unto you that way too. Meaning, if you find you are getting responses from other people such as "I need to get back to you after I spend time with my family." Take that as a cue that you are investing more in them than they in you. If they aren't putting you first in line, then you need not put off your own family needs. The prioritize, you prioritize and all is right with the world.

3. Legalize, regulate and moderate. Try to sit down together as a family and come up with Rules to Live By. The purpose being to determine just how much screentime everyone feels is managable/tolerable. The when's and wheres. Yes, spell it all out! Post them on the doorposts of your house, as well as on the doorposts of everyone's bedrooms, the kitchen and wherever the technological gadgets can be found.

And do ask yourself "In two weeks will it matter if I read this email immediately or waited until the kids are asleep or after I've had hot monkey sex with my husband?" This might help you figure out if you can let something wait for a bit.

Ever hear of the "GG's"?, its stands for the greek guilts...haha, but seriously....I think we have all gotten away with getting obsessed with things from time to time and we feel we deserve to do something for ourselves after all the time, caring and loving we give our families...but its the right time you have to choose to do those things that won't interfere with the kids and family time...life is sooo short and one day your kids are lovin' you around all the time at school, events and playing games and before you know it they are always gone gone gone...so pace yourself with time on your computer and maybe do it early in the morning, when they are at school or at night really quick, choose times it won't interfere with your family time and so your kids won't think that hunk of metal is more important then their cute little smiles....