Mom's Reading Corner
If it Was Easy They'd Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon
The hilarious author, Jenna McCarthy, has a new book coming out on October 4th called, If it Was Easy They'd Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon: Living with and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-So-Handy Man You Married (Berkley Books). Jenna is an internationally published writer who's past books include The Parent Trip: From High Heels and Parties to Highchairs and Potties and Cheers to the New Mom/Cheers to the New Dad , as well as the upcoming companion books Big Rigs for Moms and Tea Parties for Dads. Over the past twenty years her work has appeared in more than fifty magazines, on dozens of websites and in several anthologies including the popular Chicken Soup series. Make sure to watch her appearance on The Today Show, Monday, October 3rd!
Here is just a sampling of her hysterically funny writing and make sure to watch the video of the book trailer, you will laugh out loud.
7 Steps to a Happy Marriage
by Jenna McCarthy
I have a remarkably happy marriage, and people ask me all the time how I got so lucky. (Not as often as they ask me about autism, vaccines and Jim Carrey, so let's get something straight before we go any further: Not. Her.) I used to wonder if it had something to do with pheromones or having relatively low expectations, but after eleven years of wedded bliss I am pretty sure the key is some combination of kindness, respect and my ability to read a road map upside down divided by my husband's skill at tuning out my nagging.
Okay, fine. We got lucky.
Busloads of studies have attempted to figure out why roughly every other marriage fails miserably. Turns out, the success stories share a few similarities beyond the obvious stuff like "they don't have sex with other people". Here, then, are seven scientifically proven* steps to marital ecstasy.
1. Be thinner and better looking than your husband. I have no idea why this works to create nuptial delight but I'm guessing it's because if you're fat and ugly you probably never want to have sex, which makes him grumpy and mean because sex was the one and only reason he got married in the first place. (Well, that and pie. Think about it: Most guys will never bake a pie in their lifetimes and from what I've seen, they really like pie.) Of course, I don't know many women who are dying to have sex with fat, ugly men, so this one remains a bit of a mystery.
2. Make sure he does more chores than you do (well, duh) and try to talk less than he does. I have to admit, if you asked my husband the top three things I could do to make him happier, "shut the hell up for five lousy minutes" would probably be on the list. (But not at the tippy-top. Ahem.)
3. Don't watch a lot of chick flicks. Seems that after sitting through Gnomio and Juliet (or any other rom-com) relationship dissatisfaction tends to skyrocket. Apparently this is because maybe it could happen to you but you realize that it hasn't and it probably won't and that fat bastard never sprinkled rose petals on your bed, dammit. At least you're thinner and better looking than he is.
4. Don't win a best-actress Oscar. I included this one because unlike getting hotter or having your jaw wired shut, it's actually pretty painless and doable. Personally, I am going to make this a priority in my marriage.
5. Limit your booze consumption (both of you). No comment.
6. Become or urge your partner to become a farmer, nuclear engineer or optometrist. Evidently every career choice has its own unique divorce-risk profile, with these three being on the lowest end. Dancers and choreographers are pretty much screwed. You can't make this stuff up.
7. Prefer having the car windows down. I haven't technically seen a study on this, but do you not fight about this every single time you ride in a vehicle together? And doesn't he get all pissed when you want them up and accuse you of being more concerned about your hair than his precious need for non-recirculated air? If anyone bothered to study this, I'm confident the results would back me up.
So there you have it. I do not suggest trying to master all seven steps at once. For instance, if you stop doing housework altogether (to try to tilt his portion of the ratio toward more), you'll have a lot of extra time on your hands which you may want to spend drinking alcohol. Remember, there's no rush here. Till death do us part is a really long time**.
*I may have bastardized the language a bit in some cases but the facts are mostly accurate.
**I stole that line from If It Was Easy They'd Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon: Living with and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-So-Handy Man You Married, which I wrote (and please note that it says the blah-blah-blah man you married, not the one I married. My husband likes it when I point that out). You can find out more about me, my books and how I survived tanorexia on my website.
Posted in: Book Club, Mom's Reading Corner, Role Mommy Recommends on 09/24/2011
Book Review: A Stolen Life
I recently picked up A Stolen Life: A Memoir
by Jaycee Dugard and have to say, this well written account of Dugard's 18 year ordeal after being kidnapped on her way to school is gut wrenching, shocking and disturbing.
In the book, Dugard is incredibly candid about everything that took place the day she was abducted at age 11 until her rescue nearly two decades later. From being held against her will in filthy conditions, to being sexually abused and raped repeatedly by her captor, to birthing two daughters as a teen, Dugard's childhood was erased by a sick man and his wife who managed to convince her that the only place where she would be safe was by staying with them.
It only took me three days to read A Stolen Life and I have to say that I was amazed by Dugard's resilience and perseverance in light of all the horrors she experienced. She is now committed to ensuring her teen daughters live a safe and happy life and with the help of her family and friends they will be able to do just that. Dugard also talks about her love of writing and apologizes to the reader if it seems her thoughts are scattered as she shares her story. However, I found that the book was incredibly well written, thought provoking and had me hooked throughout.
If you are the parent of a tween, I urge you to read A Stolen Life: A Memoir
. While the content is quite disturbing, its gripping account of a childhood stolen away in an instant, is one that should be shared and never forgotten.
Posted in: Book Club, Mom's Reading Corner on 08/14/2011
Book Review: Summer Rental
Tis the season to give yourself a timeout from your breakneck schedule and kick back with a fun and relaxing read.
I was recently given a review copy of Summer Rental
The story begins with Ellis, a divorced thirty-something woman, who, after being downsized from her bank job, decides to take the summer off along with her longtime girlfriends, Julia and Dorie. The trio rent a vacation house in the Outerbanks called "Ebbtide," and within days of arriving, their adventure begins.
Summer Rental is packed with humor, romance, suspense, a pending divorce, an unexpected houseguest with a secret past, and much more. I don't want to give anything away, but while reading the book, all I could think about was planning a personal summer getaway with my best girlfriends and how I'd love to see this book turned into a film.
If you're looking to dive into a great read at the beach, on your front porch, vacation, a long road trip, or at your kids' baseball or softball games (um, that would be me), then I highly recommend Summer Rental
Posted in: Blog, Mom's Reading Corner on 06/13/2011
Must Read: Bossypants by Tina Fey
I've always loved Tina Fey. She's one of those real, approachable looking celebrities who is ridiculously smart, pretty and oh sooooo funny. I remember watching her religiously on SNL's "Weekend Update" with Jimmy Fallon. As a comedic writer who rose to the top among of a sea of men, Fey has proven time and again that even really really nice girls can finish first.
I'm having so much fun reading Fey's best selling memoir "Bossypants" - so much so that I have been finding myself laughing out loud amidst a sea of commuters. Today, as my train was pulling into the station, I let a huge guffaw when Fey talked about her experiences at a photo shoot and revealed the songs you would find on her iPod: "We'd Like to Thank You Herbert Hoover" from Annie and "Hold On" by Wilson Phillips. Why do I find that so laughable? Simple. If you were to play shuffle on my iPod, you would hear "Defying Gravity" from Rent and "Hold On" from Wilson Phillips. Incidentally, if you saw "Bridesmaids," you will see that Wilson Phillips could be making a huge comeback this year - if only they were playing at Jones Beach!
But back to Bossypants. So why do I love this book so much? Simple - Tina Fey shares memories from her childhood, adolescence and adulthood with candor, wit and incredible humor. She knows how to paint a picture with her words that will get anyone cackling at a moment's notice. Plus, she even shares photos of some of her worst hairstyles (I so can relate). I also love the story about her honeymoon - which took place on a cruise ship to Bermuda since her husband has a fear of flying.
There are so many great stories in "Bossypants," that all I know is when I finally am done with the book, I think I'll be pretty sad. For now, I'm still in the middle of the book and can't wait to keep going. So what are you waiting for? Check out Bossypants today and order a copy or download to your Kindle or iPad!
Posted in: Book Club, Mom's Reading Corner, Role Mommy Recommends on 05/26/2011
Life is a Journey
Whenever I attend a shabbat service at my synagogue, there is one incredibly moving passage that has brought great meaning to my life - especially when friends and family members have experienced profound loss. While it's incredibly hard to find the right words to comfort someone who has lost someone close to them, what I would like to share is this incredible poem, written by Rabbi Alvin I. Fine.
Please take a moment, read it and share it with those you love.
Life is a Journey
By: Rabbi Alvin I. Fine
Birth is a beginning
and death a destination
And life is a journey:
From childhood to maturity
and youth to age;
From innocence to awareness
and ignorance to knowing;
From foolishness to desecration
and then perhaps to wisdom.
From weakness to strength or
from strength to weakness
and often back again;
From health to sickness
and we pray to health again.
From offense to forgiveness
from loneliness to love
from joy to gratitude
from pain to compassion
from grief to understanding
from fear to faith.
From defeat to defeat to defeat
until looking backwards or ahead
We see that victory lies not
at some high point along the way
but in having made the journey
step by step
a sacred pilgrimage.
Birth is a beginning
and death a destination
And life is a journey;
A sacred journey to life everlasting
Posted in: Mom's Reading Corner, Role Mommy Recommends on 01/09/2011
Mom's Reading Corner: The Stieg Larsson Trilogy
Is The Girl with Dragon Tattoo and the two other books that followed worth reading? Ask our new columnist, my mom, Lenore Stoller.
Introducing a new column by one of the most avid readers I know, my mom. Mom reads at least two dozen books per year, is involved in book clubs in Southampton (she volunteers at the library) and Boynton Beach Florida and is always on the inside track when it comes to discovering great books. So for her first assignment, I asked her to tackle the Steig Larssen Trilogy and asked her, "Mom, should we really believe the hype - and will I really love it as much as everyone says I will? Let's find out...
Mom's Take...
I have just completed the Stieg Larsson trilogy, (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo; The Girl who Played with Fire: The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest). After getting through lengthy discussions about finance, computer hacking, long, unpronounceable locales in Sweden and a myriad of characters often too many for me to recall along with their roles in each book, I have to say, I really enjoyed the series. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo however, was the novel I enjoyed the most - in fact it was my favorite of the three books. However, if you prefer to see closure from a book series, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest tied up all the loose ends from the second novel and was pretty good, but definitely not one of my all time favorites.
When I went to school, my teachers always insisted that once you started a book, you had to finish it. And so, after learning about the author's biography, I did feel a sense of obligation to finish all of his books. Did his real life as the editor of the Expo mirror his stories? Was he murdered by a radical neo-Nazi or did he die of a heart attack because he smoked like a fiend? Did you know that the original title of his first book was "Men Who Hate Women?" Personally, I prefer that book title over the ones that were selected but I guess publishers know better - I'm just a voracious reader who made it her mission this summer to finish these books! That being said, I'm pretty sure I won't read any other Stieg Larrson sequels in case any were left on his computer after he died - but I would go see the movie that is currently being made. Perhaps once you read them, you'll have an entirely different opinion about the series - but as they say, that's why we have chocolate and vanilla ice cream!
And now, Beth's Take...
Mom's absolutely right on the chocolate/vanilla scenario. Whatever flavor Stieg Larrson was dishing, I just wasn't getting it. After, I went out and bought The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, try as I might, I could not get passed page 30. I never had a teacher who told me to finish every book and so rather than torture myself, I started a a much easier read filled with infidelity, betrayal, gossip and more...Fly Away Home by Jennifer Weiner. Now that's a novel I can sink my teeth into...review coming soon.
Posted in: Blog, Book Club, Mom's Reading Corner on 09/06/2010
