Blog: February 2007
I can't put my finger on what day last week this actually happened. After 37 years feeling young, ambitious, energetic and pretty happy with the way things are going, I came face to face with the fact that I am outdated.
The first tell-tale sign came from the steady stream of gray hairs I seem to find myself plucking out of my head every morning. I used to be the person who proudly proclaimed "I never dye my hair." Well, looks like I've got to have a consultation with Clairol.
Next was a conversation that I had with a 20 something up and comer in one of the departments I work with who actually told me that I'm her role model and she'd like to one day aspire to be like me. That was incredibly flattering, but it also made me feel like I was a grandmother or something. Oh, but it got better.
Last night I was confronted face to face with the fact that I am officially past my prime. My in-laws took our kids for the night so we decided to share a fun night out in Manhattan - even visiting one of my favorite old haunts - no not a dance club, but the dessert place, Serendipity. When we walked inside there was a small group of young girls wearing designer jeans, leg warmers and heels (hello "Flashdance"), hanging out waiting for their turn to be called and when my husband asked for a table for two, the obnoxious host told him it would be a two hour wait - even though there were hardly any people waiting for tables! We totally thought he was snubbing us because we weren't teenagers or twentysomethings - either way - we were pissed and decided to seek our revenge by going to Dylan's Candy Bar.
But Dylan's is unfortunately, smoke and mirrors. At first glance, the place looks amazing with every candy known to mankind - including those bubble gum cigarettes I used to love when I was a kid. When we went on line to order Frozen Hot Chocolates - which happens to be one of Serendipity's signature items - I was giddy with excitement...until I took my first sip. Turns out that Dylan's hasn't been able to steal the recipe from Serendipity's even though the two stores are about 500 yards away from each other.
And then, to top off the evening we went to go see "Music and Lyrics" with two of my favorite actors of the 80's, 90's and today...Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. I was so excited to see both of them on screen until I noticed that the film pretty much made fun of the fact that women in their late thirties (that would be me) fawned over Hugh Grant's washed up 80's pop star character. Yet he was still attractive, falling for the younger Drew Barrymore while the 37 year olds were like shriveled old ladies trying to recapture their long forgotten youth.
I know getting old pretty much sucks but why do men age gracefully and women have to be on the lookout for the latest botox treatment that won't make them look like Jocelyn Wildenstein? Well, all I can say is despite the fact that my younger co-workers and Hollywood think I'm officially over the hill, I'm going to fight the system with every feeble bone in my body. I'm in my thirties and I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up so back off kiddies and stay out of my way!
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Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions on 02/25/2007

Did you ever meet someone you've never met before and you instantly click the minute you begin a conversation? Well that's how it felt the first time I ever spoke with Amy Keroes, mom of two and founder of Mommy Track'd, a website for working moms that offers the latest news, entertainment, reviews and interviews with high profile moms from all walks of life.
In response to the recent media attention focused on professional women opting out of the workforce, Amy decided to launch Mommy Track'd on behalf of the millions of women who by choice or necessity are staying in. Amy is a driven individual, having received her undergraduate degree from Northwestern University and her law degree from UCLA. She was a fifth year associate at Latham & Watkins when she switched gears and took a position as Senior Corporate Counsel for Gap Inc. She then worked at Gap for six years managing the Company's intellectual property litigation and all marketing related partnerships and promotions. Amy also managed celebrity advertising deals, including the contract negotiations for Madonna, Missy Elliott, Sarah Jessica Parker and Lenny Kravitz. Amy continues to work for the Gap Legal Department on a freelance basis.
Amy partnered last year with Dawn Dobras, who was also a top level executive at Gap Inc. who, after deciding to take a summer off to spend more time with her family, chose to jump off the corporate ladder and join Amy in her pursuits to propel Mommy Track'd into a prime online destination for today's working mothers. Given their track record so far - Mommy Track'd attracts nearly 25,000 unique visitors per month - Amy Keroes is well on her way to proving that you can indeed pursue your passion while raising a family without missing a beat.
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Posted in: Blog, Moms of Reinvention on 02/24/2007
Can someone please explain to me why it takes 5-30 minutes to get a real live person on the phone when you're trying to dispute a claim on your credit card or call the bank or the vacuum cleaner bag company that sent you the wrong bags for your outdated Miehle super vacuum? Today was a work at home day - which means I get to work quietly in my bat cave, the phone doesn't ring off the hook, I get to do some quality writing and pay some bills.
Yes, I am the official bill payer in my household even though my hubby is the one with the finance degree. I am the one constantly trying to stay ahead of the billing cycle, avoiding finance charges, not getting ripped off by unnecessary charges and making sure no one is using my credit card to go on an all expense paid vacation to Bali.
Well, today was one of those days where I had to call a credit card company, a wireless service and my bank and by the time I was done, I swear I felt like Michael Douglas in that movie where he goes berserk because people are just so damn slow and are in his way. It took about 10 minutes to get a person on the phone with the phone company - funny - isn't that what they do for a living? Another 5 minutes waiting for my bank to connect me to another person at the bank who could potentially help me and then 10 minutes waiting for my credit card company to tell me why they decided to hit me with finance charges even though I technically paid my bill in a timely fashion.
I have to say - as much as I love technology, I'm beginning to hate the fact that when there is a problem there are like 500 barriers to get to a live person. If I'm calling you then I obviously need to speak with someone. I do not want to press buttons, call out phone numbers or give you my mother's maiden name so you can verify that it's me. Dammit - who else would be calling - certainly not someone trying to rip me off...they're too busy hacking through people's credit card numbers to waste time speaking to customer service!
I finally got off the phone with my last customer service representative and am getting ready to pack up for the day and start the weekend. I think overall I must have wasted at least 1 hour of my day trying to get some customer service...and now it's time to go out to dinner where the waitress will probably be ignoring us too. Maybe I should stay in and give the credit cards a rest for a change - yeah right, like that will ever happen. Knowing me, I'll use the credit card that I just cancelled in a fit of aggravation and I'll be calling customer service to re-activate my account.
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Posted in: Blog, Undercover Mom on 02/23/2007
*Meet Amy... Amy's Confession...
When is the last time you felt a real sense of accomplishment? Usually it has to do with completing a project or a job well done. Before my daughter, that is when I would have applied the term. Now, I parade around the house, feeling a real sense of accomplishment...when I remove a huge booger from her nose. Not only do I parade around the house, I do so with the giant snot stuck to my finger, waving it above my head. It sounds insane, but let me explain:First, you have to get close to the little munchkin's nose. No easy feat when you consider her super human strength when faced with a tissue. She also has this tactic I call "the mini-golf windmill". She also uses this when eating on occasion. Just when you think you are close to your target, her hand moves to block the incoming hand.Second, you have to be prepared. Keep in mind, these are not ordinary boogers. They are made of some organic compound that can be stretched beyond imaginable limits. You need to have a tissue available for the snot to stick to, otherwise all it does it taunt you and then bounce back into the nostril never to be seen again. Third, you have to have at least six hands; two to hold her head still, two to immobilize her arms, one to hold the tissue and the other with a longer nail on the pinky to fit in the nostril and coax the little yellow bugger out.Somehow removing one big-butt booger has become more important to me than closing a multi-million dollar deal or giving a presentation to a group of key clients.
For more of Amy's hilarious stories about her life as a working mom, visit her blog CT Working Mom.
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Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions on 02/23/2007

You decide it time to take a trip. It?s been a cold winter and you yearn to feel the sun on your face and warm winds tousling your hair. As luck would have it, your family live in Spain. So, without further ado, you book your tickets, pack your bags, and jump on a plane. Okay so your husband can?t join you because he has to work and this means you?ll be traveling alone with a three year old. But, hey, who would pass up an opportunity for mucho sol and sangrias?
Your flight to Spain goes well thanks to a half empty airplane and ?Dora the Explorer? downloaded onto an Ipod. You even manage to get an hour or so sleep. You notice that your beloved three year old is sniffling every now and then, but you put it down to the stale pumped air in the plane.
You arrive safe and sound. Everything is going swimmingly. There isn?t a cloud in the sky, your sister-in-law has stocked her fridge with cold beers, and your darling little one goes for a long afternoon nap without a fight. Sharing of Cruzcampo with your brother, looking out at the twinkling blue sea just a block away, you smile and ponder the wonderful holiday that awaits you.
When junior awakes from his nap, however, your bubble quickly bursts.
The sniffles have turned into a full-on snot fest and your three year old is the foulest of moods. He?s clearly hungry but, because of the rapidly advancing cold, is willfully refusing to eat. You offer everything, even the cookies you generally hide from him at home, but he shuns it all and gets crabbier by the second. Your young nephew, who?s been waiting your arrival for weeks, is bemused at your own child?s continual whines and squawks of ?mine mine? if anyone so much as looks at a toy he?s playing with. Your brother and sister-in-law look on, clearly horrified. The glances they are exchanging say, ?What an awful child. How could she put up with such a whining monster.?
The next few days pass and things continue to slide. The cold gets snottier (and is coupled with a barking cough). The whines get louder. The aversion to food, stronger. And worried glances between family members increase tenfold. On top of all that, you can?t go out for tapas and drinks in the warm Spanish evening because ?oh-snotty-one? has become ?oh-clingy-one.? You can?t leave him at home, but you can?t drag your sick, crabby three year old to a bar either. You?re stuck in watching badly dubbed American TV shows which you?ve never heard.
When you leave your brother?s apartment and set off for your mom?s house in the beautiful Spanish countryside, you think things will get better. Perhaps, the mountain air will blow away the cold? Perhaps the sweet smells of el campo will bring back his appetite?
But no, that was just fanciful thinking. Your little one doesn?t get better, he just gets sicker. An eye infection develops and the cough gets deeper and soon you, your mom, and ailing child are making daily trips to the clinic and the local pharmacia. Any thoughts of whiling away hours sitting on the patio, staring out at luscious Andalucian hills dotted with tiny white houses, must be banished. You will spend your days plopping eye drops into gunky little eyes and your nights not getting much sleep as the small child next to you coughs and sweats.
Thankfully, after a couple of days and with the antibiotics doing their magic, your darling begins to perk up. For a brief moment, it looks like you might be able to enjoy the last couple of days of your holiday and finally get that sangria at sunset or that quiet stroll amongst the blossoming almond trees you?ve been yearning for.
Alas, it is not to be.
As your child begins to boing back to life, you feel an ominous tickle in your throat and a portentous ache behind your knees. Suddenly, the sun feels too hot on your feverish brow and the hills, even the tiny ones, seem to steep to climb. Your getting sick. Sick as a dog. Your last hours of your holiday are spent in bed.
By the time you reach the airport for your flight home, your head is banging, your throat is on fire, and you are using enough Kleenex to wallpaper a small apartment building. You are told by a mean looking airport security guard that you must dispose of your water bottle, which means you have to spend your eight hour flight badgering air stewards for measly cups of water to soothe your burning throat. Then, when it is time to land and the plane circles in the sky making its descent, your head is so full of snot you feel like it might explode. And as you walk off the plane, you are completely deaf and unable to hear your three year old?s cries of ?I?m hungry? (words, incidentally, he hasn?t uttered in nearly two weeks). When you finally get home, your legs go to jelly and you collapse on your husband like a runner who?s just crossed the finish line after a grueling, wet and cold, 26 mile marathon.
Holidays. You got to love ?em.
For more of Joanne Rendell's mommy blogs - including "Fishing for Poo," "Should Mommy's Wear Thongs?" and "What's that dangly thing between his legs?" then Click Here to visit her at the popular website, Get Crafty. To return to the Role Mommy home page, Click Here
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Posted in: Blog, Laptop Naptime Mama on 02/23/2007
Latest entry from my four-year-old...
Why did the cow cross the road?
He wanted to get to the moo-vies.
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Posted in: Blog, Kiddy Commentary on 02/20/2007
We took our kids to the circus yesterday and I have to say, not many people seem to be pursuing careers in that competitive field anymore. It seems like the circus we saw was made up of families who have been passing down their acrobatic talents from generation to generation and unfortunately, some of these families need to clean up their act.
There were all kinds of performers on hand to entertain us, including the Flying Wallendas who are this well-known circus family who can ride bicycles in tandem across a tight rope with their dad balancing on another wire that his sons carry on their shoulders; and then they had this motorcycle family (don't know their last name) - who race through a circular contraption and even had their five year old son show off on his motorcycle too...note to the motorcycle family - shouldn't you wait until your kid is 18 before you stick him on a motorized vehicle and have him perform for strangers?
There was even this old married illusionist couple who I'm sure have been in the circus for like 50 years, who kept on changing costumes right before our eyes - drape a red scarf around her and sudddenly, she's in a red dress, cover her up in a green cone, and yup, you guessed it, she's wearing a green outfit. I can do the same thing at Ann Taylor Loft, but I prefer not to have spectators watching my every move as I try to shove myself into 5 pair of pants from the sale rack in less than 10 minutes.
Next were the miniature ponies - who ran around in a circle as a man tried to whip them into shape - but the ponies had no use for him - as he tried to force them run around in tandem, they pretty much did their own thing and ignored most of his commands.
Then there were the elephants - the highlight of the show - but they all looked pretty sad - as if this was the most tired circus they had ever participated in in years. I bet when they went back to their tents, they probably waxed nostalgic about how great it was in the old days, when they were on the circus fast track. Now they're reduced to sitting on each other for laughs or giving rides to ungrateful kids whose parents had to shell out 10 bucks for them to take them around the circle for approximately a minute and a half. Hmmm...not such a bad deal - maybe I should strap on an elephant suit and start giving rides myself.
There were also aerialists who were actually in need of practice, a juggler who dropped the hoops he was spinning and a ring leader who made us feel guilty for not purchasing the electronic rip off spinning toys they were selling to keep the kids entertained during intermission.
There were some highlights - the hula hoop lady - who spun like 50 hula hoops around her waist that was incredible, the face painting - which only cost $5 per kid was totally reasonable and we really did like the elephants even though we felt bad for them; and there was this amazing family of drummers from Peru or New Mexico I think...they were really good and had my kids bouncing right along in their seats...unless that was the soda talking...because 30 seconds later, I was escorting both of them to the bathroom.
Aside from the circus in the center ring...there were also some performers right next to us in the audience. There was the coughing seal behind me - a kid who proceeded to cough up whatever virus was coarsing through his body onto the rows in front of him (yup - that would be me); or the swashbuckler next to my husband - a three year old boy who kept poking him with the plastic sword his parents bought to keep him entertained; there was the crier - a boy who really didn't want to be at the circus; the muncher - the girl who sat next to me who pretty much noshed on food throughout the performance - my personal favorite moment was when she tried to fold away her tin foil and plastic container and the noise was so loud it interfered with the family of drummers from Peru.
All in all, we did have a fun time - sure it seemed like a throwback to another era, but sometimes, it's nice to step back in time and get away from technology for a change. Maybe next week we'll see if Vaudeville is making a comeback.
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Posted in: Blog, Undercover Mom on 02/19/2007
By Melanie Lynne HauserOur fabulous Role Mommy columnist Melanie Lynne Hauser is about to release her latest book, SUPERMOM SAVES THE WORLD. The book will be available in early March but if you want to find out about it now and pre-order a copy on Amazon, then read on...you won't be disappointed!
About the book...At the end of a long day at work, saving the world, you'd think Super Mom would get a break. But no. She still has to do battle with a foe more terrifying than the most dastardly of super villains - teenagers. It's six months after the Horrible Swiffer Accident that left her a superhero, and Birdie Lee is still adjusting. For starters, she's hearing voices and having lustful thoughts about Mr. Clean. Then there's the fact that her daughter is suddenly sporting a bright pink streak in her hair, courtesy of her new friend Vienna (and if recent history has taught us anything, we all know that a girl named after a foreign city is going to be trouble). Birdie's son is experiencing his first case of puppy love, her nerdy scientist love interest has just proposed marriage, and her annoying ex-husband is suddenly less annoying. Which can only mean he's up to no good.But things get even more sinister when her hometown of Astro Park gets Little League fever in a big way. Rabid parents, performance-enhancing Gatorade and a domed stadium on shaky - potentially explosive - ground are just the beginning of Super Mom's problems; throw in a ticked off school janitor and a corrupt mayor, and Super Mom has her hands full.
Read SUPER MOM SAVES THE WORLD to find out how one woman - one mother - struggles to keep her teenagers in tow with one hand while saving her hometown from disaster with the other. While trying to find time for herself amidst the very real, very messy job of blending families as she plans her marriage to her very own Super Man. To check out Melanie's latest Role Mommy column, Click Here!
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Posted in: Blog, Book Club on 02/16/2007
I recently went out of town on a business trip that took me away from my family for a total of 36 hours (more or less). I made sure to book the flight out to Los Angeles so that I'd be able to fly home in time to take the kids to school the moment I set foot in the door.
You see, business trips for mothers are really guilt trips. You get the guilt from your kids for leaving them at home or forgetting to bring them back something cool from your trip - note to self - pricey items from the LAX airport are not the way to go next go round. You get the guilt from your spouse who doesn't want you to be away from the family and proceeds to tell you what an incredibly exhausting day he had without you as he tended to your kids every need.
Some women even get guilt from their animals - dogs or cats who leave them something special to remember them by right before their ready to bolt out the door and head for the airport.
But despite the guilt that I feel whenever I go away, I am guilty of something far worse. I enjoy being away from home every once in a while. Yes - I am guilty - I enjoy king sized beds whose only inhabitant is me for the night. I especially love pillow top mattresses and those cozy robes that they offer at upscale hotels.
I feel guilty that I enjoy reading USA Today cover to cover - I'd prefer it were the New York Times, but unfortunately in L.A., USA Today has monopolized the hotel circuit. I enjoy watching the news from my luxury bathroom or from the tub on the wall of a hotel I stayed at in Chicago that was sheer bliss after I endured a long plane ride while battling an awful cold.
I feel guilty that I adore room service. Sure they charge me 40 bucks for an omelette, but I love that I can eat by myself, with no one calling my name and no one demanding I come to the bathroom to wipe their tush. I feel guilty that I love watching the morning news without anyone asking me to change the channel so that they can watch "Sponge Bob." I feel guilty that I love turning on my laptop and writing for hours without any interruptions.
Yes, I am guilty of enjoying a business trip. It's not that I travel all the time - I'm sure I'd probably hate going away if I had to do it on a regular basis. But every once in a while, I enjoy getting the chance to have a good night's sleep and then I can come home and appreciate everything that I have in my life - two adorable kids, a terrific husband and a cat who enjoys curling up next to me on the couch.
So the next time your family makes you feel guilty for going away on business...just remember - give up the guilt and enjoy the time away - a good night sleep in a king sized bed may be the guilty pleasure you need to make you feel like yourself again!
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Posted in: Blog, Role Mommy Confessions on 02/16/2007

Robin Kall, the fabulous host of the radio show "Reading with Robin" gets to interview authors for a living and this week, she recommends a fabulous book by Ann Hood. Based on her tragic real life experience - Hood lost her own daughter when she was only five years old, this is truly a page turner that will bring tears to your eyes as you lose yourself in this sad, yet compelling novel.
Here's a brief description...After the sudden loss of her only child, Stella, Mary Baxter joins a knitting circle in Providence, Rhode Island, as a way to fill the empty hours and lonely days, not knowing that it will change her life. Alice, Scarlet, Lulu, Beth, Harriet, and Ellen welcome Mary into their circle despite her reluctance to open her heart to them. Each woman teaches Mary a new knitting technique, and, as they do, they reveal to her their own personal stories of loss, love, and hope. Eventually, through the hours they spend knitting and talking together, Mary is finally able to tell her own story of grief, and in so doing reclaims her love for her husband, faces the hard truths about her relationship with her mother, and finds the spark of life again. By an "engrossing storyteller," this new novel once again "works its magic" (Sue Monk Kidd).
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Posted in: Blog, Book Club on 02/16/2007
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02/11/2007: Great Writing Opportunity for Single Moms!
02/08/2007: My Kingdom for a Pen
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02/05/2007: Say Goodnight Gracie