We are so excited to announce a brand new weekly column from one of the blogosphere’s most hysterical vloggers, Jessica Bern. Jessica is an actress, brand ambassador and single mom who shoots from the hip and shouts profanities at the drop of a hat. My kind of woman. Jessica will be answering all your single mom dating questions with honesty, wit, candor and a couple of F-bombs to keep it interesting. So without further ado, take it away Jessica!
IF I WANTED TO LIVE LIKE THIS, I’D MARRY HIM…
Dear Single Mom Walking:
iStock_000004092819XSmall.jpgWhen I first started dating my boyfriend we would go out all the time. It’s been 5 months and we are already spending more time in front of the TV, no more flowers for me, I don’t bother to wear much make up anymore. I want the old days back. How do I make that happen?
Signed:
How Did We Get HERE
Dear How Did We Get HERE:
Remember when you got your first car? How you refused to let anyone eat or drink in it? Remember how you cleaned it out all the time, never leaving even the tiniest piece of paper behind? Remember how you threatened your kid with her life if she even spilled one goldfish on the floor beneath her feet and almost how you almost risked her life by taking her car seat away b/c it made those nasty dents in the cushioning?
Okay, perhaps you don’t recall the last two but I sure as f**k do, sorry, but new car/kid’s life….
(Cue Jessica weighing the two in her mind. )
Tough choice. Lucky for my kid, I love her and she’s the only chance I’ve got of not dying alone.
Anyway, after a few months, do you remember how you started getting a little more lax about the whole situation? How, you didn’t take ALL the papers/wrappers out of your car, yet promising, that, FOR SURE, next time you would but that next time never actually came? Remember how all of a sudden you found yourself risking driving with an open lunch container of pasta between your legs and thinking “F**k the car, I’m starving”? How you stopped even noticing there was a car seat present and the fact that your kid had crushed three of her cheddar fishes was just that, a fact, and not an “issue”? Remember that?
Well, that’s what is happening in your relationship and frankly, it’s not always a bad thing. It means you are now spending your energy focusing on the things that are more important than just looks. Sure, you want to get your car washed regularly. Maintenance is also a necessity but whether there is a little scratch on the bumper or a small stain on the passenger seat does nothing to take away the quality of car you’re driving or the man you’re presently shtupping.
That being said, unless there is a fatwah on both your heads, there is no reason you two can’t go out. What has happened has happened as a result of choices made on both your parts. The good news is that it puts the power in both your hands to change things.
Yay! Don’t you think? If you can make things one way then you can make them go in the exact opposite direction. Yippee!!! Holy Moley! Yahoo! Hoo…okay, enough with the happy, sorry but there is a point where too much of it makes me uncomfortable and Gentile. I think I need to lie down. Anyway, you get my point, I’m sure.
So good luck, have fun and if you need me, I’ll be out having my brakes checked.
For more from Jessica Bern, check out her blog, Bern This.
jessica bern 724 (1).JPGJessica Bern is a single mother to a 7yr old girl, a money sucking dog named Teddy and the ex wife of a man who left her for his mother. She writes at bernthis.com, where you she blogs all about it and where you can watch the Bernthis web series she created about a neurotic woman’s journey through her weekly visits to her therapist’s office. She also spends some of her time giving out sex/dating advice over at rolemommy.com and has worked her vlogging magic with aiminglow.com, Kodak and Seventh Generation.